That's no "Surreal Life." That's real life.
Celebrities young and less young continue to embarrass themselves with high-waisted, half-zipped cutoff shorts, terrible half-shirts, horrifying hairstyles and myriad other faux pas at the two-weekend Coachella festival in SoCal.
Exhibit 1: Kendall Jenner's enormous nose ring - really a nose hoop, with attached chain that practically begged for an unfortunate facial accident.
Exhibits 2 and 3: Selena Gomez (wearing a bindi and a black bustier beneath what may have been a repurposed lace curtain) re-re-reuniting with hazmat-toxic boyfriend Justin Bieber (in fishing hat, black bandanna, tats, smirk), who showed up for a surprise performance with his Chicago MC, Chance the Rapper (Dodgers cap, denim overalls with a strap unfastened in homage to Jordan Knight).
In another show of mature judgment, 21-year-old Gomez recently fired her mom and stepdad as managers, news they discovered via TMZ. Don't worry, though, she's also been partying with Kendall and Kylie Jenner, and will probably do just fine managing herself.
Then there was Leo
Leonardo DiCaprio was caught on video at Coachella dancing like he's never danced before.
Like he's never, ever, not once observed himself in the mirror while attempting to move in time to a hit single or Motown classic or, really, any music at all.
Like DiCap never deigned participate in that modern-day human rite of passage, wherein one turns on the radio, starts to shimmy, privately witnesses a horrific lack of bodily rhythm and thinks to oneself, "Hey, maybe I oughta learn a step or two and, like, practice at home until I can, like, clap and step at the same time, because what I'm doing now looks absolutely spaztastic."
But, nah. If Leo's Elaine from "Seinfeld" moves don't bother the supermodels he dates, why should he be bothered?
TMZ reported that Coatesville's Johnny Weir and Victor Voronov may be getting back together. Last month, the marrieds seemed headed for a less-than-medal-winning divorce, with each side accusing the other of specific and overall horribleness.
Voronov wants a public apology and a promise, both in writing, that Weir's mom won't interfere with their relationship.
Temp Tattle isn't one to theorize (OK, yes, she is), but could Weir's adorbs Sochi co-commentator, Tara Lipinski, be behind the makeup, post-breakup?
Not meek at all
Philly-based rapper Meek Mill's back in the limelight for a lawsuit he has filed against the Philadelphia Police Department and two individual officers. Arrested Halloween 2012, held overnight but never charged with any criminal activity, TMZ reported, Mill missed a private jet (that cost him $22,000), a performance at a private party (lost out on $39,000) and more than a million bucks in a deal with Puma.
Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas tied the knot over the weekend. Engaged and pregnant since this fall, the couple play Snow White and Prince Charming on ABC's "Once Upon a Time," and will hopefully name their baby Cinderella or Jack and the Beanstalk, depending.
Miley Cyrus gave away her new puppy, Moonie. The dog was a gift from her mom, but Cyrus, still grieving the loss of her Alaskan Klee Kai, Floyd, tweeted that it was "just too soon for me right now. #missingmoonie."
The singer apparently gave the pup to a pal's mom. Now that's a lucky dog.
- Daily News wire services
contributed to this report.
On Twitter: @LaMcCutch
Howard Gensler has the day off.