Roberts: Slow, old . . .
"I don't consider myself a celebrity, [at least] how it is fostered in our culture today," Roberts tells the WSJ Mag when asked about her celeb status. "I don't know if I'm old and slow, but there seems to be a frenzy to it."
Friends memorialize Peaches
Family and friends gathered Monday to mourn the death of rocker Bob Geldof's daughter, Peaches, 25, who died April 7. The funeral, at a village church in Kent, southern England, drew Kate Moss, former Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman, and Sarah Ferguson.
The church was the site of Peaches' 2012 wedding to her second hub, Tom Cohen. The couple have two sons, Astala, 23 months, and 11-month-old Phaedra.
A house under $1 mil!
Who says there's no money in writing? Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed and The Signature of All Things fame is selling her Frenchtown, N.J., hovel for a mere $999,000. "She is," says a publicity e-mail, "amenable to selling it fully furnished." At least it's not a million dollars!
White House on Bieber
Sorry, BiebHaters: POTUS won't be chucking Justin Bieber back to Canada. The White House finally has responded to a petition demanding the Biebster be deported and his green card revoked. Reason? He's annoying and a bad role model who's been busted for DUI. (And he's really annoying.)
Since more than 100,000 folks signed (the number was 273,968 on Monday afternoon), the White House is required to respond.
"Sorry to disappoint, but we won't be commenting on this one," reads the response.
Seems the feds can withhold comment on issues to do with local law enforcement (the DUI). Adds the White House, "but we're glad you care about immigration issues. Because our system is broken." And then they go on an epic roll about our immigration mess.
Gossip petits fours
Lindsay Lohan revealed on the season finale of her reality show, Lindsay, that she had a miscarriage while filming the series for Oprah's OWN. The father? She doesn't say. . . . Chris Brown bodyguard Christopher Hollosy on Monday was found guilty of misdemeanor assault in a D.C. court for punching a man outside a hotel in October. Brown, who also was charged in the incident, stands trial this week. . . . Expectant mom Lil' Kim, 39, will have a girl, she says. She's yet to reveal the daddy's name.