I wouldn't take her shopping until I saw the budget and her shopping list. She huffed, but in the end she did it. And you know what? She began to make great choices about things she didn't need based on what she had budgeted.
If you don't budget yourself, it's hard to make the case that your kids should. If you've been challenged in this department, find someone who can help, recommends the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. Make an appointment to see a credit counselor. Some people think the nonprofit agencies are only there to help folks get out of debt. But the counselors can also help on an assortment of finance-related issues. You can find an agency by calling 800-388-2227 or by going online to www.DebtAdvice.org.
"Money conversations are difficult, particularly within families," said Gail Cunningham, spokeswoman for the NFCC. "Financial advice from an independent third party such as a trained and certified credit counselor will preserve the relationship and stand a better chance of being followed."
* Become familiar with banking. If your children have never really managed a bank account, they need a crash course. And when I say manage, I mean take them beyond just knowing how to withdraw money with their ATM card. It's time they bank the way you do, which is to say they need to understand how to balance their checkbook even if they do everything electronically.
You need to have a discussion about the high price of overdraft fees. You might consider having your student opt out of having overdraft protection. Better to have an attempted purchase with a debit card declined because of insufficient funds than rack up huge overdraft fees.
A few years before our daughter went off to college, we had her open a bank account when she started working after school. She controls it without any oversight. On her own, she signed up with Mint.com to help manage her money. She has self-imposed spending limits and gets alerts when she exceeds them.
* Become familiar with buying discount books. We gave all the responsibility of buying books to our daughter. She in turn became good at finding discount textbooks. She used a variety of websites to help manage the costs. She bought used. She rented books.
The Student Public Interest Research Groups, a network of nonprofit, nonpartisan student advocacy organizations, has been lobbying for years for textbooks to be more affordable. For tips on saving on textbooks, go to www.studentpirgs.org/resources/textbook-tips.
* Let it go. If you've done your job and taught your children what they need to know about handling money, let them take care of things. Coming from a control freak like me, this isn't easy to say.
Watch, give guidance when you see them faltering. But let go. We did and we are so proud of our daughter. During her freshman year, she established a goal to keep a certain amount of money in her savings account. If she wanted to go out or buy something and didn't have enough money in her checking account, she resisted the temptation to dip into her savings. And she didn't call her mommy or daddy.
As the good book says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."