Adoption

DEAR ABBY: Some friends are in the process of adopting two children internationally. Early on, they had a garage sale with the proceeds going toward the adoption. I was excited for them and wanted to help. However, this was soon followed by more requests - for yard-sale donations, two more garage sales, the "opportunity" to buy expensive coffee online, a fundraising dinner and then a solicitation for me and others to provide a "virtual shower" of plane ticket money. Each time I am notified about another fundraiser, I feel less and less charitable.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Zoe," is unable to have children. She tried in vitro four times without success. The doctors told her there's nothing else they can do. Her uterus is not able to carry a child to term. Zoe and her husband have decided to adopt. However, it is very expensive and all of their savings went toward the IVF treatments. Zoe's mom wants to have a benefit to raise money for them. I am against the idea because, in my opinion, benefits are given for something you don't choose (like cancer or a house fire)

Listen to Jacque Kenney Guinan's story of how she reluctantly gave up her son 34 years ago, and it is easy to understand why she battled depression for decades, and why she is no fan of adoption. The petite, soft-spoken 52-year-old was middle-class, unmarried, and pregnant at age 17 in 1969. Like hundreds of thousands of other young women of that time, she disappeared into a "home for unwed mothers" to bear - and then lose - her child. In the three decades between the end of World War II and the legalizing of abortion in 1973, adoption flourished in America as never before, or since.

Tell us about your family's experiences with adoption. What factors went into the decision? What did you do to prepare? Were you ready when it happened? How did you find out about your own adoption? What advice would you give to other families considering adoption? Send essays of 200 to 300 words by Oct. 16 to Voices/Adoption, The Inquirer, Box 41705, Philadelphia, Pa. 19101. Send e-mail to inquirer.letters@phillynews.com or faxes to 215-854-4483. Questions? Call Kevin Ferris, readers' editor, at 215-854-4543.

Adoption magazine, a new self-help publication aimed specifically at people seeking to adopt, is postponing its second issue until the beleaguered publishers redesign its format. Magazine co-founder Terry Ulick said last week that Adoption had experienced a problem that other publications might welcome. There was so much publicity surrounding the release of the first bi-monthly issue in November, Ulick said, that an initial printing of 50,000 copies sold out on many newsstands.

Stephen Berg is a stay-at-home father and blogger It was pure serendipity that we adopted our son from Cambodia. While working in human resources at Marshall Field & Co., I befriended an 80-year-old children's department employee named Annie Carr. Though deeply religious - a dyed-in-the-wool Catholic - Annie wanted nothing more than to see us boys have a baby. Scott and I were exploring an adoption from China. One afternoon I returned from lunch to a frantic and breathless voice mail from Annie: "Steve, I've found a baby for you and Scott.

I have followed every detail of Mary Beth Whitehead's ordeal with great sympathy as a new mother of a 9-month-old. But please, legislators, the resolution of this case must not be the end of the story. We must have laws to be sure a surrogate arrangement does not end in tragedy. At the very least, a surrogate mother should have the same right to change her mind as a mother considering adoption has. I do not believe anyone can decide absolutely, in advance of a birth, to give the child away.

IN EARLY August, my wife called me at work; she was crying. My chest tightened as I feared someone in the family was hurt. She composed herself and exclaimed, "They gave AbuBakarr a visa. " AbuBakarr is our adopted 8-year-old son, a war orphan from Sierra Leone. We had been waiting for a year and a half to bring him to the U.S. after we had completed the home study, law-enforcement clearance and gained INS approval, which added another year. (The Daily News had reported our difficulties in a piece by John Baer on Aug. 1.)

Deborah Heart and Lung Center in Browns Mills, N.J., "adopted" Philadelphia's School District 8 last week in a business-education alliance formalized in ceremonies at Northeast High School at Cottman and Algon Avenues. In most such adoptions, the business forms an alliance with a single school. Ruth Ingebretsen, director of the Pennsylvania Region for Deborah, said in a telephone interview that the hospital was large enough to take on a number of schools. The adoption will provide District 8's schools with a variety of health- oriented programs, Ingebretsen said.

In 1982, Carol Hallenbeck of Wayne spent about $6,000 to launch a publishing company, Our Child Press, specializing in adoption-related publications. Hallenbeck, a former community-health nurse who taught childbirth classes, used that money to produce 500 copies of her book, Our Child: Preparation for Parenting in Adoption - Instructor's Guide. It's for teaching infant-care classes to parents waiting to adopt children. "It's a very limited market, so I didn't even try to have someone else publish it," said Hallenbeck, 42, during a recent interview in her Wayne home, which also serves as her office.

Stephen Berg is a stay-at-home father and blogger It was pure serendipity that we adopted our son from Cambodia. While working in human resources at Marshall Field & Co., I befriended an 80-year-old children's department employee named Annie Carr. Though deeply religious - a dyed-in-the-wool Catholic - Annie wanted nothing more than to see us boys have a baby. Scott and I were exploring an adoption from China. One afternoon I returned from lunch to a frantic and breathless voice mail from Annie: "Steve, I've found a baby for you and Scott.

DEAR ABBY: Some friends are in the process of adopting two children internationally. Early on, they had a garage sale with the proceeds going toward the adoption. I was excited for them and wanted to help. However, this was soon followed by more requests - for yard-sale donations, two more garage sales, the "opportunity" to buy expensive coffee online, a fundraising dinner and then a solicitation for me and others to provide a "virtual shower" of plane ticket money. Each time I am notified about another fundraiser, I feel less and less charitable.

FAMILY Mt. Airy Kids Literary Fest This weekend-long book fest aims to please tots through teens. Visits from authors of Poppy's Pants and Boy + Bot , plus kids' yoga, craft time, music, creative writing, poetry slamming and loads more fill the kid-genda. Big Blue Marble Bookstore, 551 Carpenter Lane, 10:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m. today, 10:30 a.m.-3 p.m. tomorrow, 10:30 a.m.-12:15 p.m. Sunday, most events are free, 215-844-1870, bigbluemarblebooks.com and Color Book Gallery, 6353 Germantown Ave., noon-4 p.m. tomorrow, free, 215-844-4200, colorbookgallery.com.

Banks in the process of foreclosing on houses in Cherry Hill will have the township nipping at their heels when an ordinance goes into effect next month to force them to take responsibility for upkeep at vacant houses. Under the ordinance, approved unanimously by the township council Monday, houses that are vacant and not on the market must be registered with specific contact information where the township can serve violation notices. Initial registration costs $500 and goes as high as $5,000 for a third annual renewal.

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court seemed conflicted Monday on the question of whether the federal government can force groups that receive funding for overseas anti-HIV/AIDS programs to adopt its views against prostitution and sex trafficking. And Chief Justice John Roberts pointed out the quandary, asking the first question to each of the lawyers arguing the case. Deputy Solicitor General Sri Srinivasan said that Congress decided to renounce prostitution and sex trafficking because they contribute to the spread of diseases.

A teenager says his parents treated him badly, hassling him about little things until they finally kicked him out of the house, forcing him to sleep in a culvert. His parents describe a willful young man who ignored house rules, disrespected teachers and others, and chose to leave. It's a scenario that plays out in communities across the United States. In this instance, the troubles between a Collegeville couple - Jackie and Steve Salotti - and their son became an international incident when Russia framed it as an example of Americans mistreating adoptive Russian children.

COLUMBIA, S.C. - The U.S. Supreme Court this week will hear an emotional challenge to federal law on the adoption of Native American children, with several states, tribes, and children's welfare groups lining up to support current rules. The case involves a South Carolina couple fighting for custody of their adopted daughter who, after a court battle, was returned to her biological father in Oklahoma. At issue is the Indian Child Welfare Act, passed in 1978 because of the high number of Indian children being removed from their homes by public and private agencies.

Kahlisha and Felicia are appealing 16-year-old twins with charming smiles. Bright and energetic, Kahlisha enjoys reading, listening to music, watching television, and cooking. In school she participates in cheerleading and track. Kahlisha likes writing and journalism and would like to have a career in broadcasting, hopefully as a radio personality. She is also considering a career as a couples therapist. Fun-loving and talkative, Felicia has a great sense of humor. Her favorite activities include reading, blogging, and going to movies and sporting events, especially football games.

Sam Salotti, 19, woke up Tuesday to a Facebook message from a woman who said she was an editor with Russia's state-run Channel One. The channel was planning a show about Salotti's adoptive brother, Josh, 18, who returned to Russia late last year after a tumultuous stay with the Collegeville couple who adopted the pair six years ago. Josh Salotti, now going by the name Alexander Abnosov, sparked an uproar in Russia by accusing his and Sam's adoptive...

BISMARCK, N.D. - Gov. Jack Dalrymple signed legislation Tuesday that would make North Dakota the nation's most restrictive state on abortion rights, banning the procedure if a fetal heartbeat can be detected - something that can happen as early as six weeks into a pregnancy. The Republican governor also signed into law another measure that would make North Dakota the first to ban abortions based on genetic defects such as Down syndrome, and a measure that would require a doctor who performs abortions to be a physician with hospital-admitting privileges.