June 20, 1992 |
The magazine ad says simply: "Encounters with Bigfoot, whether old or recent, can be reported in confidence to experienced researcher. " A phone number follows. (No, it isn't 1-800-BIG-FOOT.) People who call the number often sigh with relief after a few seconds; the person at the other end is not falling down with laughter over the success of the prank. Got a tale to tell about a close encounter of the beast kind? Or about a UFO sighting? Relief is as handy as the nearest phone.
April 4, 1994 |
Great howls of laughter erupted as the Phillie Phanatic whirled into the dining room at the McAuley Convent in Merion while the Sisters of Mercy ate dessert. Stopping at each of the tables to dazzle the delighted audience with a sample of his unique showmanship, this green, utterly incorrigible creature blessed himself with the sign of the cross and . . . Hey! Come back here with that piece of cake! "Look," one of the nuns said excitedly. "He wants something to eat. Oh, goodness.
January 31, 2001 |
Twenty Ads That Shook the World By James B. Twitchell, Crown, $25. American culture may be diverse, but we share at least one trait, says James B. Twitchell - a familiarity with advertising. If someone says "Energizer Bunny," doesn't a picture of a rabbit banging a drum pop into your head? Most of us have favorites among the ads we see and hear, which may or may not be the ads that move the most products off the shelf. In his entertaining new book, Twitchell not only picks favorites; he selects "the century's most groundbreaking advertising" - campaigns that changed all future advertising.
November 11, 1996 |
In the mail, with a return address of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., are thank-you notes to: Rush Limbaugh who, considering the source, managed to make a pot-smoking, womanizing, draft-dodging, flip-flopping, big-spending, big-taxing, hog-calling, chicken-plucking, burger-gorging, lying, cheating, stinking (body odor when jogging, you know), hillbilly hick liberal anti-Christ from Arkansas into a sympathetic figure. Quite an accomplishment. Newt Gingrich for getting his wish to shut down government, thus reminding Americans why we need government.
March 20, 1994 |
If a good man is hard to find in real life, he's well nigh impossible in Terry McMillan's fictional world. Men fare miserably at McMillan's hand. They are addicts, alcoholics, adulterers, rapists, wife-beaters or some combination. Even the best of them has body odor. The women for the most part are gritty survivors with immense soft spots. They're often in trouble financially, yet they can't seem to say no when someone asks for money - especially if it's their men. This would not be a pretty world if it were not for the generous doses of humor and laughter that McMillan imparts to the stories.
October 18, 2002
Hooray and high fives. Whoop-de-do. Break out the champagne and pop the corks. Isn't it wonderful? The bloated, little, murderous vermin got exactly what was coming to him - a verdict of first-degree murder and life behind bars. If there is a saint for media types, let us pray to her that this slimy jerk's name, and also the phrase ex-hippie guru shall never be uttered or printed again. At least until he kicks off. Why, then, is it so difficult to feel entirely joyous today?
July 11, 2008 |
The trouble with warmer weather is you have to share it with bugs. We search for ways to eliminate these pests from the face of the Earth, but the more realistic approach is to control them. Mosquito bites: Only the female bites; the blood she draws nourishes her eggs. Mosquitoes are attracted by perspiration, warmth, body odor, carbon dioxide and light. Worst of all, they transmit diseases. Bite them back: Get rid of standing water - dump wading pools, clean and chlorinate swimming pools, clean downspouts and gutters, and cover rain barrels or other collectors.
January 14, 2003 |
Woodbury hasn't seen the last of Richard Kreimer, the self-described "most litigious citizen" in New Jersey. A federal judge decided yesterday not to dismiss Kreimer's lawsuit against Woodbury, its police department, its elected officials, and the local CVS Pharmacy. Kreimer, 54, a former homeless man who is now living with friends in Parsippany, Morris County, alleges that Woodbury police and CVS employees violated his civil rights by chasing him away from the store on Red Bank Avenue on several occasions in the summer and fall of 2001.
October 17, 1993 |
So. You think you're progressive on social issues such as feminism and minority rights? You helped install a wheelchair ramp at your church. You've got some gay friends and your daughter married a Native American. But mere commitment doesn't count anymore. What's important these days is that you talk the talk. And so, with guidance from the politically correct American Hyphen Society in New York, we urge (no, we demand) that you take the following quiz to see if you're Pee Cee. Pencils ready?