Cheez Whiz

Not since "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" has there been anything like it. The media have descended on Philadelphia. Journalists far outnumber Republican National Convention delegates, maybe even protesters. They're everywhere, armed with notepads and tape recorders and laptops and cameras and microphones - and expense accounts. They range from the proverbial ink-stained wretch on the Podunk Gazette to the talking heads on cable networks. Some are themselves celebrities; even the delegates would rather get a glimpse of Peter Jennings or Katie Couric than of any politician, the candidates included.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo-op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

Life was a lot different 100 years ago. Back then, only 14 percent of American homes had a bathtub. The average worker earned 22 cents an hour. And 90 percent of the doctors had no college education - but you could buy marijuana, heroin, and morphine at the corner drugstore. Come to think of it, that's not such a big deal. You can buy all that on the corner right this minute, and you don't even have to go inside a store to do it. A hundred years ago the first World Series was played, Sanka was accidentally created when a shipment of coffee got drenched in sea water, and helium was discovered, without which there would be no Goodyear blimp, no balloons on the ceiling at children's birthday parties, and no parents at those parties doing bad Mickey Mouse imitations.

Sen. John McCain ate lunch at Pat's King of Steaks yesterday. So did his wife, Cindy. She ate hers with a fork. For many Republicans yesterday, the South Philly institution and home of the cheesesteak was literally their first stop after the hotel. Trent LeDoux, 26, a rancher and delegate from Holton, Kan., came to Pat's yesterday at 11:30 a.m. for his first lunch in Philadelphia. "I raise beef back home, so I had to come see how it was done here," he said. He got the original with Cheez Whiz and fried onions.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

Don't be surprised if you go into your local health food store one of these days and find the clerks frying up greasy hamburgers and pushing Cheez Whiz on their customers. Wouldn't you know it, just when you've finally acquired a taste for boiled tofu and stir-fried seaweed, those restless researchers who tell us what we should and should not eat have discovered McDonald's. While it's not likely that health nuts will be trading in their woks soon, it has turned out that Cheez Whiz, that indefinable substance that comes in a little squirt can, is just loaded with conjugated linoleic acid, known to its fans as CLA. A new study at the University of Wisconsin's Food Research Institute shows that conjugated linoleic acid helps keep laboratory rats from getting stomach cancer.

During a particularly boring February afternoon, sunning on a Caribbean beach, I asked my wife, Deirdre, whether she'd like to snorkel out to a nearby reef. Reluctantly, she agreed, only because of the can of Cheez Whiz I had in my hand. Yes, Cheez Whiz. Being from the Philadelphia suburbs, I know about this product and its fabled use on the Philly cheesesteak. But, it took a trip to the Cayman Islands to learn an even greater use of this pressurized cheese product - as tropical fish lure.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo-op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

IF YOU gathered all the cheesesteaks the Oliveri family has fried up in this town and laid them end-to-end, they would circle the globe. We don't believe anyone would actually do that. Then again, we wouldn't have believed that an Oliveri legacy would be unceremoniously booted from one of Philadelphia's culinary landmarks, the Reading Terminal Market. His grandfather, Pat Oliveri invented the cheesesteak, according to local lore. But Rick Oliveri's steak shop is about to be kicked out of the market after 15 years to make way for another South Philly sandwich tradition, Tony Luke's.

CAMPO'S We were there: 6:14 p.m. (pregame). We waited: 12 minutes. We ordered : A cheesesteak. We paid: $9.50. Phindings: When you call yourself "Philadelphia's Cheesesteak," you better deliver the goods, right? Well, the Pretty Good (as opposed to "Great") Phoodini didn't find that to be the case during his most recent Citizens Bank Park noshfest. After some deliberation, the standard cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz was selected from a limited menu that includes "The Heater" ($9.50)

Cheesesteak virgins find out the hard way when they order wrong at the take-out windows of South Philly. The protocol is to order "Whiz wit," meaning, of course, Cheez Whiz with onions. Or, say, "American wit-out," meaning, well, you can figure it out. Mess up, and you're in trouble. At Pat's Steaks below the Italian Market, stern instructions are posted, warning that violators will be sent to the end of the line for screwing up. It's part of the late-night street ritual where Passyunk Avenue angles into Federal Street; like the curbside chants - fading nowadays - of the fishmongers and produce hucksters north on Ninth.

CAMPO'S We were there: 6:14 p.m. (pregame). We waited: 12 minutes. We ordered : A cheesesteak. We paid: $9.50. Phindings: When you call yourself "Philadelphia's Cheesesteak," you better deliver the goods, right? Well, the Pretty Good (as opposed to "Great") Phoodini didn't find that to be the case during his most recent Citizens Bank Park noshfest. After some deliberation, the standard cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz was selected from a limited menu that includes "The Heater" ($9.50)

Carolyn Wyman ate all kinds of cheesesteaks while researching her just-released The Great Philly Cheesesteak Book. Her homage to the steak sandwich traces its eight-decade history from Pat Olivieri's hot dog grill at Ninth and Passyunk to its current variations, including the chicken steak and something the vegetarians call a cheesefake. She hit about 50 spots, sampling cheesesteak spring rolls at the Four Seasons Hotel and cheesesteak pierogi from Czerw's. She got the recipe for cheesesteak soup from Campbell's.

Carolyn Wyman ate all kinds of cheesesteaks while researching her just-released The Great Philly Cheesesteak Book . Her homage to the steak sandwich traces its eight-decade history from Pat Olivieri's hot dog grill at Ninth and Passyunk to its current variations, including the chicken steak and something the vegetarians call a cheesefake. She hit about 50 spots, sampling cheesesteak spring rolls at the Four Seasons Hotel and cheesesteak pierogi from Czerw's. She got the recipe for cheesesteak soup from Campbell's.

How many great cheesesteaks are there in the Philadelphia region? Far more than I and my four high-school-age eating machines could sample in four days. I'd still like to get to Leo's Steaks in Delaware County and sample the steak at Shank's & Evelyn's in South Philly. Even so, the cheesesteak tasting team made a serious dent, putting 23 restaurants to a triple-header test, basing our rating (with 5 being the best) on three styles of steaks - traditional, specialty, and chicken. John's Roast Pork , Snyder Avenue and Weccacoe Street, Philadelphia.

People's interests Many Pennsylvanians are not at all sad about the death of the redistricting bill ("Pa. is losing its way," May 29). The current process is controlled by our elected representatives, and ensures that a variety of interests are represented in the legislature. In Philadelphia, so-called gerrymandering ensures that the Northeast's Republicans elect several representatives to Harrisburg. If districts were instead drawn to follow the just-as-artificial boundaries of the city's wards, Republicans in the Northeast would likely be deprived of any hope of gaining seats in the legislature.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo-op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo-op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

You've read it, heard it, tasted it, savored it, seen it in photo op action: Want a "classic" or "authentic" Philly cheesesteak? Gotta go with Cheez Whiz. Maybe it's time to melt that myth. True, Whiz is king at Pat's and Geno's, those legendary South Philly sites at Ninth and Passyunk. During the Pennsylvania primary, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert said their feud was fiercer than the Democrats' - and showed a sandwich dripping with Whiz. Barack and Michelle Obama, as well as Bill and Chelsea Clinton, ate at Pat's - and had Whiz.

IF YOU gathered all the cheesesteaks the Oliveri family has fried up in this town and laid them end-to-end, they would circle the globe. We don't believe anyone would actually do that. Then again, we wouldn't have believed that an Oliveri legacy would be unceremoniously booted from one of Philadelphia's culinary landmarks, the Reading Terminal Market. His grandfather, Pat Oliveri invented the cheesesteak, according to local lore. But Rick Oliveri's steak shop is about to be kicked out of the market after 15 years to make way for another South Philly sandwich tradition, Tony Luke's.