Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: When I was an adolescent, my father molested me. It took me 20 years to finally confide this secret to my mother. Afterward it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. That feeling lasted about two minutes. That's how long it took for her to get on the phone and spread the news to everyone she could think of. This was two years ago and, after repeatedly asking her to stop, she continues to tell. Two days ago, I caught her spilling the beans to an acquaintance she hadn't spoken to in more than a decade.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old woman who has wanted to write to you for years. I'll soon celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary. I am very unhappily married. I married "Bill" for all the wrong reasons. I never truly loved him the way a woman should love a man but remained in the marriage because I am "supposed to. " He's a wonderful husband and father and has a job that pays well. I work part time. Bill and I get along just fine. He is easy to talk to, and we're very good friends. I don't want to lose that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for seven years. Since our wedding, he has had increasing health problems. He recently told me that he planned his funeral three months ago, without saying a word to me. I am very concerned that he seems more focused on death than on life. Am I wrong to be upset? He says I am. - Wife in Burlington, N.J. DEAR WIFE: I don't blame you for being concerned, because husbands and wives should be able to discuss important topics with each other, and this is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have thrown a barbecue for our friends and their families every summer since we married. Our problem is one of our good friends is now the mother of an insufferable 3-year-old boy, "Fenton. " Last year, he slammed our stereo to the ground, tossed another child and terrorized a gentle dog. He barged in on a nursing mother and refused to leave and tore our baby gate off its hinges. The mom is busy with a new baby and deals with the situation by making idle threats.

DEAR ABBY My grandfather recently went to jail for having child pornography on his laptop. The lawyers and everyone else say he molested me and my sister. I almost had to testify. I'm only 13 and have talked with people, but they don't get it. I don't want to talk to a therapist or anything, but my mom and aunt think I should. Should I? I learned about this two years ago, but I still feel sad. I feel uncomfortable talking about it with anyone but my friends. I write sad poetry to express my feelings and it helps.

DEAR ABBY: I'm really bad when it comes to speaking. I barely squeak out the few words I can. I am shy, so when I'm with people, even my two friends, I feel like I come across as rude. I never have the right things to say. When I'm with my family, I don't have this problem. In public, it seems like everyone else is so more interesting. Is there anything that can be done? I heard you had a booklet about being more social. How can I get one? - Victoria in South Carolina DEAR VICTORIA: Making conversation may seem hard because it is a SKILL that you haven't yet mastered.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have had many discussions regarding tattoos. She would say she wanted one; I'd be against it. Well, just before her birthday she had her best friend, a tattoo artist, give her a small tattoo of a dragonfly with dots representing our four children. I didn't know about it for about six weeks, until I walked up behind her at her computer desk and noticed it on her upper shoulder. Our kids knew and hadn't said anything. I got really mad and left the house for a while.

DEAR ABBY: Wouldn't it make sense if grade school teachers set aside time - weekly or monthly - to go over some very generic information that kids need to learn? I'm talking about things like how important it is to have pets neutered, how to manage money, what the average dad earns and what it costs to run a household and support a family. It might help kids to grow up understanding that money isn't free and get them past the "gimmes. " There are so many topics that ought to be introduced to youngsters at an early age - how to groom themselves properly, be exposed to a variety of music genres, teach them how grandparents can use help even from small children.

DEAR ABBY: Our German shepherd, Leah, was playing with a hard rubber ball that was about the size of a tennis ball. Somehow, the ball slid down her throat. I tried to dislodge it by grabbing and pulling it out. When that didn't work, I tried the Heimlich maneuver. That didn't work either. By the time we got Leah to the veterinarian, she was dead. Abby, please tell your readers to never let their dog play with any object that fits into its mouth. If it fits, it can lodge in the throat.

DEAR ABBY : Last night at a restaurant, my husband and I were surprised to see a male server wearing a blond wig and full makeup. I was, to say the least, shocked and very glad we hadn't brought the children - ages 11 and 14 - with us. How do you explain something like that to an 11-year-old? The 14-year-old would be able to "get it. " What kind of policies are in place for restaurants in cases like this? What if customers are offended? Could I request a different server or just leave?