Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Had It in Hartford," who has been unhappily married to her husband for 20 years. She said she married him for all the wrong reasons and "has never loved him the way a woman should love a man. " After I had been married for seven years, I went to my pastor concerned that the grass on the other side was looking greener than mine. As we spoke, I began to realize the extent of the investment I had put into my marriage and that I didn't want to start over again on a new one. Love isn't just a feeling, but a choice and a commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old single mom with three young boys. I am also a veteran and getting ready to go back to school. I have been dating a gentleman for two months now, and we get along great. He's three years older than I am and good with my kids and family. I like him a lot, and we seem to have a LOT in common - more than most. I really want him to kiss me, but I don't want to seem pushy. He's a real gentleman. We have gone from hugs to holding hands while sitting on the couch watching television.

DEAR ABBY: My now ex-wife cheated on me five years ago. She ran off with a nonworking criminal and has been bouncing from place to place with this bozo ever since. When they and their 3-year-old became homeless two weeks ago, all of a sudden she showed up at my door shoeless and with their son in a diaper. She said her boyfriend was abusive and asked to stay with me until she finds a place. I agreed under the provision that she not see this guy. I recently discovered she is seeing him again despite our agreement.

DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old husband was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and I have since learned that his co-workers spotted his troubles long before I did at home. Had I been informed, he could possibly have retired on disability and have Medicare today (which he does not now). Additionally, he would have known to have structured his retirement to include survivorship on his pension, which he did not. I realize his co-workers were in a difficult spot, so I'm not blaming them, but I'm hoping a few words from you might get the word out to others: Friends, when you notice someone is declining, please speak up. - Donna in Virginia DEAR DONNA: I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis.

DEAR ABBY: "Wants to Do the Right Thing" asked about using email to thank those who donated to a fund-raiser for her son, who has bone cancer. What's wrong with that? I have been there. One of my twin boys was diagnosed with cancer at age 2. I was grateful for all the help my family and friends gave me, but I did not always have the time or energy to devote to writing thank-you cards. You really have to have experienced this kind of long-term stress and trauma to understand.

DEAR ABBY: I think what "End of My Rope" may have failed to say is that she's tired of sacrificing her own life to care for her ill-tempered, terminally ill husband. Harsh as this may seem, it's a fact. I have been caring for my father for eight years. He's suffering from severe dementia and is now an invalid. I, too, provide him round-the-clock care. My suggestion to "End" would be to talk to a respite facility about giving her a "vacation" from her husband. I do this with my father twice a year.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in an on-again/off-again relationship with a man for 16 years — more on than off. We have two boys together. He recently moved back in, and things are going well. We're in our 30s, and I'm ready to be more than girlfriend and boyfriend. I'd like to ask this special man in my life to marry me, but I'm not sure if a woman should ever propose marriage to a man. Should I go ahead and do it, or just be patient? — Longing for More in Texas DEAR LONGING FOR MORE: By all means, ask him to formalize your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: "Insulted in Ohio" was offended because she's being asked at bridal and baby showers to address a blank envelope so the honoree can send her a thank-you note. Good heavens, lady, calm down. At a shower, you are celebrating a milestone event in a young woman's life. Your gift will help her during the next phase of her life. These joyous events can be stressful and require a lot of preparation. I'm sure the hostess's intent in asking guests to perform this minor task is to ease the honoree's responsibilities.

DEAR ABBY: Your column has been a fixture in my life. Thank you for the smiles and the tears. My dilemma: I received yet another invitation to someone's home for a "product party. " In the past year, I have been considered a prospective buyer of cookware, candles, makeup, toys and vitamins. While I have at times used all these products, the invitations to sales parties that come from friends, and sometimes friends of friends, irritate me. When I phone to decline, the hostess invariably says, "Oh, you don't have to buy anything.

DEAR ABBY: While I always enjoy your column, I thought your advice to "Wants My Space," whose son "Dustin" moved away five years ago and expects her to keep his room as he left it, was off the mark. I would have told Dustin what I have told both of my daughters several times: It is not "your" room - I merely let you use it. Not only is "Wants" not obligated to use her home as a storage facility, she's doing her son a disservice by doing it under these circumstances. At 24, he needs to learn that if he wants a service, it's his obligation to procure it. There are plenty of businesses that can fulfill his needs at a reasonable price.