Dear John

BEING "a little bit legal" is like being "a little bit pregnant. " It can't be done. Yet the Philadelphia Police Department has treated patrons of prostitution as if they're only breaking the law a little bit by refusing to release their names. After being challenged by the Daily News' Urban Warrior, they are about to release them, but only because the city solicitor ruled that they have to. Some police fear that johns whose names are published might commit suicide. That's nice and compassionate, but it's not the police's job to be nice.

ATTORNEY General John Ashcroft The Robert Kennedy Building Department of Justice Washington, D.C. Dear John, I have tried to make this relationship work, but the situation has become more and more painful. Yes, you were never my first choice, but you were chosen, and I was determined to give you all my support. After all, our country was attacked by a group of cowards who killed thousands of our very best. When Donald Rumsfeld refused to leave the Pentagon until he knew all who survived were evacuated, and the injured, dying, and dead were cared for, he earned my respect.

Iraq war movies haven't caught on at the box office, but as yet no one's thought to get Nicholas Sparks involved. Enter "Dear John," based on a Sparks' novel, the story of a hunky Green Beret (Channing Tatum) and his epistolary romance with a girl (Amanda Seyfried) back home. They fall in love during two magical weeks on the beaches of South Carolina, the site of so many star-crossed Sparks affairs, and they plan to marry until 9/11 intervenes. Tatum's character is torn between his passionate desire to be with his girl and his desire to serve his country by reenlisting.

John Lacey isn't just one of the walking wounded - he has enough hurt for an entire regiment. A teacher at a private school in New York, married for 10 years, John's little world collapsed one day when his wife ran off with his best friend. That's not what best friends are for. Misery supposedly loves company, and John should get plenty of it this year. "Dear John," the story of his search for survival as a sudden single, is the funniest of the new prime-time shows. It premieres tonight at 9 on Channel 3 as the herky-jerky fall TV season finally gets under way. For some viewers, "Dear John" will be a good reason not to touch the remote control.

THIS WEEK, instead of "Alien Vs. Predator," we have Nicholas Sparks vs. Cormac McCarthy. In the form of "Dear John" and "The Road," movies adapted from books that represent, shall we say, different strata of American literature. Still, each story seeks to arrive at the same place - neither succeeds unless, at the end, you're bawling like an infant. Sparks' "Dear John" is your classic three-hanky weeper, whereas in McCarthy's "The Road," all hankies have been destroyed in some cataclysmic holocaust, so you wipe your tears on your sleeve, unless your arm's been torn off by a roving band of cannibals.

Dear John, an amusing, amiable comedy, debuts tonight (Channel 3 at 9). The only depressing thing about it is that this slight trifle is one of the very best shows of the long-delayed new season. Judd Hirsch stars as John Lacey, an affable cuckold whose wife has just left him for his - you got it - best friend. Dejected and hangdog in that way only the basset-faced Hirsch can be, our dear John joins a lonely-hearts club, thus affording the series' writers an opportunity to present us with an array of regulation video eccentrics.

The term "Dear John" is taking on a brand-new meaning here. Beginning next month, men who are seen cruising the borough's known prostitution areas, who look as if they are seeking illicit company or who are seen talking to a prostitute will receive a letter, courtesy of the Norristown Police Department. The full-page letter, police said, is not accusatory. It will not say that the man has done anything illegal. But it will mention that police have seen the man in a known prostitution area.

Only a half decade ago it was, yet it seems like a cultural eon. A young star, fresh from the produce section, could still venture out at night without fear of being pecked to pieces like Tippi Hedren in "The Birds. " - James Wolcott, writing in Vanity Fair in 2008 For an actress in a 24/7 Mean Girls media culture, with vultures beaking at her weight, wardrobe, and arm candy, Amanda Seyfried keeps her private life private and her priorities straight. "I know what and who I feel most connected to," says the spirited star of HBO's Big Love and the new film Dear John.

1. Dear John . (PG-13) 2. Valentine's Day . (PG-13) 3. The Road . (R) 5. Edge of Darkness . 1/2 (R) 4. Invictus . (PG-13) 7. Legion (R) 6. The Spy Next Door . 1/2 (PG) 8. New Daughter (PG-13) 9. Extraordinary Measures . (PG) 10. It's Complicated . (R) Top DVD titles at U.S. Block- buster stores for week ended May 30. ( New this week)

DEAR ABBY: "Kyle" and I have been good buddies for 10 years. The problem is I'm crazy about his younger sister. She and I have been talking over the last few months. Kyle knew we were talking in the beginning, and he told her to stay away from his friends. I think I understand his reasons, and I tried to talk to him on my own. Kyle said he doesn't want to deal with me calling him eventually about problems that may arise between me and his sister. Now when I hang out with her we have to be secretive.

1. The Wolfman 1/2 (R) 2. Alice in Wonderland . (PG) 3. Dear John . (PG-13) 4. Valentine's Day . (PG-13) 5. The Road . (R) 6. Edge of Darkness . 1/2 (R) 7. Invictus . (PG-13) 8. Stolen (R) 9. The Spy Next Door . 1/2 (PG) 10. Legion (R) Top DVD titles at U.S. Blockbuster stores for week ended June 6. ( New this week)

Dear John . (Sony, '10) $28.95. 108 mins. A young couple's relationship is tested when a college student's soldier boyfriend returns to duty. With Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried. PG-13 (some sensuality and violence) (CC) Visual Acoustics: The Modernism of Julius Shulman . $29.95. (New Video Group, '09) 83 mins. Dustin Hoffman narrates this portrait of architectural photographer Julius Shulman. NR Owl and the Sparrow (Image Entertainment, '07) $27.98. 97 mins. In Saigon, a quirky family is created by a 10-year-old runaway playing matchmaker.

THIS WEEK, instead of "Alien Vs. Predator," we have Nicholas Sparks vs. Cormac McCarthy. In the form of "Dear John" and "The Road," movies adapted from books that represent, shall we say, different strata of American literature. Still, each story seeks to arrive at the same place - neither succeeds unless, at the end, you're bawling like an infant. Sparks' "Dear John" is your classic three-hanky weeper, whereas in McCarthy's "The Road," all hankies have been destroyed in some cataclysmic holocaust, so you wipe your tears on your sleeve, unless your arm's been torn off by a roving band of cannibals.

"The Last Song" is a chance to see Miley Cyrus fresh off her Best Actress award. Before we get a note from Sandra Bullock's publicist (who has plenty of other things to keep her busy), let's specify that Cyrus' award is a Kids' Choice, voted by viewers of Nickelodeon in recognition of her work in "The Hannah Montana Movie. " In "Song," she attempts something more grown-up, playing a city girl forced to spend a summer with her estranged dad (Greg Kinnear) at a beach in South Carolina.

Only a half decade ago it was, yet it seems like a cultural eon. A young star, fresh from the produce section, could still venture out at night without fear of being pecked to pieces like Tippi Hedren in "The Birds. " - James Wolcott, writing in Vanity Fair in 2008 For an actress in a 24/7 Mean Girls media culture, with vultures beaking at her weight, wardrobe, and arm candy, Amanda Seyfried keeps her private life private and her priorities straight. "I know what and who I feel most connected to," says the spirited star of HBO's Big Love and the new film Dear John.

Iraq war movies haven't caught on at the box office, but as yet no one's thought to get Nicholas Sparks involved. Enter "Dear John," based on a Sparks' novel, the story of a hunky Green Beret (Channing Tatum) and his epistolary romance with a girl (Amanda Seyfried) back home. They fall in love during two magical weeks on the beaches of South Carolina, the site of so many star-crossed Sparks affairs, and they plan to marry until 9/11 intervenes. Tatum's character is torn between his passionate desire to be with his girl and his desire to serve his country by reenlisting.

Across the already dispirited community of auto dealerships, the written correspondence sparked the same feelings of betrayal as a "Dear John" letter. In many respects, the word that went out to General Motors Corp. dealers from GMAC Financial Services on Oct. 13 was a breakup notice. GMAC, its own wounds deep from the economic crisis, announced it was implementing "a more conservative purchase policy for consumer auto financing," with changes in pricing and underwriting. Perhaps most significantly, GMAC, the primary source to which GM dealers steer customers for loans, was restricting financing to the cream of the credit crop - buyers with a credit score of 700 or above.

IN A RECENT column, John Baer quoted me in reporting that Philadelphia will be using new state funding to step up enforcement of laws against illegal possession and sales of guns. I share his support for it. Deploying police in areas with high rates of shootings to look for illegal guns has led to dramatic reductions in shootings in other cities. Research has shown that efforts focused on gun traffickers can reduce the flow of new guns to criminals. While praising this initiative, Baer argues that attempts to reform the state's gun laws to make it difficult to traffic guns to criminals are a "waste of time and political capital" because the state legislature has historically been pro-gun.