Ellen Degeneres

Ellen DeGeneres is no Roseanne or Brett Butler, and she likes it that way. Unlike her caustic ABC sitcom colleagues, "I'm like a wimp," DeGeneres told TV critics gathered here yesterday. "I really don't like to offend anybody or get a laugh at someone else's expense. I'm not saying that's bad. " Roseanne and Butler "don't pull any punches. I think that's great. I deal with that in therapy all the time, to try to get to that point. I just try to find humor in things we can all relate to instead of making fun of someone else.

As the world continues its sustained shriek at the loss of Edvard Munch's definitive portrait of proto-existentialist angst, The Scream, we shriek "Oh God!" in cinephilic angst (or is it a cinephobic angst?) over a surreal cinematic move: a remake of the '77 New Age-ish comedy Oh God! starring Ellen DeGeneres in the title role. According to Variety, prolific producer Jerry Weintraub (Ocean's Eleven and Twelve, The Firm, The Karate Kid) is remaking his own sappy but charming flick about a grocery manager chosen by God to spread kindness and such.

President Clinton burst a political taboo last night, addressing a $500-a-couple homosexual-rights benefit and telling a black-tie crowd of gays and lesbians, "I am delighted to be here. " No sitting president has ever before spoken to a gay civil rights group. The affair benefited the Human Rights Campaign, which lobbies against discrimination against homosexuals in the workplace and in favor of more funding for AIDS research. "I want us to come together across all our lines of differences into one America.

"How come this keeps happening to me?" Ellen DeGeneres says that was her gut reaction when it struck her that she would once again be hosting the Primetime Emmy Awards following a deadly national crisis. In 2001, she'd signed up for what should have been a routine annual tribute to the best of television with all its glitz and laughs. Two postponements later, it was an unusually solemn occasion, acknowledging the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and the Armed Forces who had gone into Afghanistan in response.

Awards season goes on. Friday night, Ellen DeGeneres swept Daytime Emmy awards for best talk show and best host for the second year in a row, and General Hospital and Guiding Light also won big at Hollywood's Kodak Theater, also home of the Oscars. It was the first prime-time showing for the Daytime Emmys in its 33-year history and its first time in L.A. Kim Zimmer, Reva on Guiding Light, won her fourth Emmy as lead actress (after a season in which Reva endured menopause and a fall down an elevator shaft - it pays the rent)

A couple of our TV gal pals return to the tube tonight in new series that play to their strengths, but that are nothing to write home about. Neither of their characters needs to write home, since both wind up there, following the old prodigal-child-returns format that has been popular for about 5,000 years. The reason the format's back on TV this year is that it was successful last year, in the guise of Ed, the bowling alley lawyer, on NBC. Tonight's new series are pleasantly watchable, but neither has a shard of the originality that makes Ed distinctive.

IT'S BEEN QUITE a week for gays: "The New Normal" was picked up by NBC; the "E! True Hollywood Story" for Joan and Melissa Rivers aired on Mother's Day; the president came out in favor of gay marriage; and Ellen DeGeneres was named the winner of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Ellen is being honored for her stand-up work, daytime show, activism and books. According to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, in D.C., recipients of the Mark Twain Prize are "people who have had an impact on American society in ways similar to the distinguished 19th-century novelist and essayist Samuel Clemens.

Conan (11 p.m., TBS) - Roseanne Barr; reality TV star Pauly D; Baron Vaughan. The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (11:35 p.m., NBC10) - Ellen DeGeneres; Bob Harper; Cobra Starship. Jimmy Kimmel Live (midnight, 6ABC) - Judy Sheindlin; Emily VanCamp; Staind performs. The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (12:37 a.m., CBS3) - James Woods; Kathryn Hahn.

IN JOEY Bishop's obituary, you quote Jerry Blavat as saying, "He never used dirt or smut in his acts. Today, you can't do that. Don Rickles is the only one left, and he's 80. " Plenty of comics work clean. I produce a clean comedy show, the Ivy League Comedy Showcase. To name some prominent comedians who work clean: Bill Cosby, Brian Regan, Jim Gaffigan. Jay Leno does 10 clean minutes of television five nights a week. Perhaps you've heard of Jerry Seinfeld? Ellen DeGeneres?

IT'S BEEN QUITE a week for gays: "The New Normal" was picked up by NBC; the "E! True Hollywood Story" for Joan and Melissa Rivers aired on Mother's Day; the president came out in favor of gay marriage; and Ellen DeGeneres was named the winner of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Ellen is being honored for her stand-up work, daytime show, activism and books. According to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, in D.C., recipients of the Mark Twain Prize are "people who have had an impact on American society in ways similar to the distinguished 19th-century novelist and essayist Samuel Clemens.

CNN has suspended Roland Martin for tweeting "offensive" remarks demeaning gays on Sunday. Shocking: The cable news network finally decided to do something after taking a demure three-day time-out. "Roland Martin's tweets were regrettable and offensive," CNN says in a statement. "Language that demeans is inconsistent with the values and culture of our organization, and is not tolerated. We have been giving careful consideration to this matter, and Roland will not be appearing on our air for the time being.

Conan (11 p.m., TBS) Actor Matthew Broderick; Paul Simon performs; from N.Y.'s Beacon Theater. Late Show With David Letterman (11:35 p.m., CBS3) Condoleezza Rice; actress Amy Sedaris. The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (11:35 p.m., NBC10) Taylor Lautner; Martha Stewart; Daughtry performs. Jimmy Kimmel Live Ellen DeGeneres; Gabourey Sidibe; Chris Isaak performs.

Insurance salesmen . . . the Midwest . . . can movies get any more glamorous and exciting? Well, in Cedar Rapids , there may not be much in the way of glamour, but things do get wild: backroom bribes, swimming-pool sex, drugs, debauchery, boozy revelations. And Anne Heche , in a nicely turned performance, is one of the guys, so to speak: a saleswoman who uses the annual insurance convention as an excuse to escape her married-with-kids existence and cut loose, go crazy. Directed by Miguel Arteta , with Ed Helms as a naive and earnest milquetoast, John C. Reilly as a loose cannon, and Isiah Whitlock Jr . as a straight-arrow insurance rep, Cedar Rapids is half deadpan and half dead-on in its depiction of industry veterans meeting, greeting, and competing - and racking up big bar tabs.

They already give so freely of their essence, their soul, their very Geist . Yet, some entertainers even give to charity, a heartwarming thought in these days of giving. Just ask givers Lady Gaga and Alicia Keys , who gave so much support to charitable causes this year, they are No. 1 and No. 2 respectively on an annual list of the most charitable stars released by national do-gooder dot.org, DoSomething.org. Her Gagaship is recognized for her work on gay-rights issues, while Keep a Child Alive founder Keys has concentrated on the fight against HIV/AIDS.

BROOKE SHIELDS recently told talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres that she could still fit in the Calvin Klein jeans she wore in the 1980s commercial that rocketed her to stardom. You remember the commercial. It starts with Shields whistling "Oh, My Darling Clementine" as the camera slowly pans her 15-year-old, denim-clad legs. It ends with Shields looking into the camera and purring, "You know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing. " Since I'm only three years younger than the 45-year-old Shields, I can remember what it was like to be young, childless, and in great shape.

REMEMBER WHEN Jennifer Lopez was cool? When her Versace dress at the Grammys rocked the fashion world? When she could hold her own on-screen with stars like George Clooney ? When she had a street name? "American Idol" remembers. To the tune of $12 million, the Fox talent show has nabbed Lopez to fill a seat at the judges' table for the 10th season, sources told People.com. Kara DioGuardi was forced out after one limp season, and the mighty Simon Cowell has moved on. Lopez, like the also-departed Ellen DeGeneres , signed on just for a year, so if things don't work out, there's a graceful exit clause.

Fantasia Barrino , 26, says the overdose that sent her to the emergency room on Aug. 9 was a suicide attempt, not an accident. "I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out," the American Idol winner tells VH1 in an interview set to air Tuesday, the same day her new CD, Back to Me , is due out. "At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with. " In the chat, which has been excerpted by People.com, Fantasia says she was driven to despair after Paula Cook , the wife of her former lover Antwaun Cook , accused her of destroying the Cooks' marriage.

Inquirer television critic Jonathan Storm is reporting this week from the television critics' press tour in Beverly Hills. These items originally appeared in his blog, "Eye of the Storm," at www.philly.com/ philly/blogs/storm . No deals, no speculation. That was the refrain from Fox Entertainment Chairman Peter Rice Monday morning on the question of who would be sitting in the American Idol judges' chairs next winter. After a long intro, Rice ducked - oh, I don't know, about 326 questions from members of the Television Critics Association gathered for their summer press tour.