Goose

Geese are the new deer. Canada geese are the latest scourge wreaking havoc with the human landscape. They're not just disrupting airline flight paths, but polluting the world with their vile green droppings. In anticipation of the outrage of animal-rights group PETA over the fact geese are being rounded up and shot, we offer a more humane solution: weighted goose diapers. Not only will they prevent flight, but they'll keep the birds from dumping all over us. The only catch: PETA's going to have to change them.

This goose didn't lay a golden egg, but it did cost the Drexel men's varsity eight a chance at a gold medal. The Dragons were in the lead in the men's varsity eight with about 500 meters to go on the 2,000-meter course Saturday in the Dad Vail when a goose got tangled in the oars on the starboard side. Their timing thrown off, their momentum broken, the Dragons couldn't recover and were passed by Michigan and Virginia. "We were going strong," said Tim Drake, a sophomore from Holy Spirit High who was in the No. 7 seat, which is on the port side.

George the goose has been losing his girth. His friends are worried. The brown-feathered bird, who for the last several years has roosted on a half-sunken barge beside the Moshulu at Penn's Landing, hasn't been eating like he used to. Not the lettuce that maintenance worker Tom Jones brings in the morning. Nor the corn muffins, pretzels and bread delivered by other goose fans and friends. "It's not that we haven't been feeding him. We have," Jones said yesterday, casting a long, fretful look at the slender goose, who was poking his prominent black beak into the soft, brown feathers covering his back.

I love turkey enough to eat it year 'round, but when I've made it for Thanksgiving, I want something different at Christmas. Pork roast and lamb have served as sequels in previous years. This year, I've been thinking about goose. Like many home cooks, I'm uncertain about preparing it. Some recipes recommend pricking the skin and roasting it like a duck, a method that Fritz Blank, chef-owner of Deux Cheminees, says is all wrong. "Roast it like a duck, and it comes out stringy and tough," said Blank, whose Center City restaurant - known for its five blazing fireplaces - features roast goose from Dec. 1 through Jan. 6. "I don't know how you say this diplomatically in the newspaper, but most people don't know how to cook goose.

RE YOUR editorial on the Vioxx verdict: You would think that Merck devoted thousands of man-hours and millions of dollars to developing a drug that kills people. With thousands of lawsuits forthcoming, Merck will eventually go under, and then you can bring out the editorials bemoaning the increase in unemployment and the lack of interest in our government officials. Keep up the rabble-rousing and don't worry about the facts. Jack Callahan Philadelphia

I AGREE with you. Let's get all of President Bush's National Guard records out in the open. And, while we're at it, get Sen. Kerry to sign that Form 180, which he refuses to do. And let's not forget that Sen. Kerry also applied for a deferment. And how about we have the Congress investigate whether or not Sen. Kerry did commit atrocities in Vietnam, as his sworn testimony states. President Bush may have missed a physical, yet he still got an honorable discharge. Sen. Kerry swore he committed atrocities in Vietnam worse than those at Abu Ghraib, and he gets a pass?

They only fly away in the movies. In real life - on suburban golf courses and business campuses, in Fairmount Park and at Philadelphia International Airport - Giant Canada geese rarely go anywhere, save the occasional day trip to the Shore or some pond just over the Mason-Dixon. Mostly they eat, eliminate what they eat, and have babies. Lots of babies. With the number of geese living year-round in Pennsylvania and New Jersey soaring to an estimated quarter-million, they're being blamed for polluting creeks, shutting down swimming holes, endangering aircraft, damaging crops - and gumming up passing shoes.

A goose was killed by an amusement-park ride at Six Flags Great Adventure and as spectators watched in horror, according to a published report. The Asbury Park Press says the ill-fated goose landed on the sloped conveyor belt that pulls rafts up to a loading dock of the Congo Rapids ride on Sunday at the Ocean County amusement park. Witness Nicole Cora, 26. of Stonington, Conn., told the newspaper that operators stopped the belt and tried to scare the bird, but it did not budge.

There's a goose crisis in Philadelphia and part of the problem is that they aren't exactly laying golden eggs. Rather, the burgeoning population of Canada geese are clogging roadways, eating away grass and vegetation, running into cars and bicycles, and leaving a distinctive, cylindrical calling card. And we're not talking about liver pate. Goose poop is dark green, with the approximate circumference and consistency of a slender, soggy cigarillo. Walk along West River Drive or Kelly Drive and you'll see a lot of it. Tons of it. Ask any cyclist, jogger, walker, in-line skater or would-be picnicker and you'll hear stories of intimate encounters with Canada geese and their guano.

By B.G. Kelley The Dad Vail Regatta, the biggest intercollegiate rowing event, summons images of sleek sculls oared with precision by finely chiseled athletes. It presents an aesthetic springtime tableau on the glimmering, sun-spilled Schuylkill. The regatta, which begins today, is part of the sports DNA here. I've been going to Dad Vail since 1968. But these days I don't watch the races as much as I do the Canada geese - those birds with black heads and necks and white patches on their faces that come from Peter's Island and beyond to the banks of the Schuylkill to feed on the grass, to play, or simply to rest peacefully.

Selling out the brewery to Anheuser-Busch InBev is, in the eyes of craft beer drinkers, the equivalent of ditching Gryffindor for Voldemort and the Death Eaters. So it's no wonder Chicago's homegrown Goose Island has taken the beer-geek heat since its sale to the Bud Who Shall Not Be Named in 2011. The good news: since production of Goose Islands' mass-market brews (like 312 Urban Wheat) have been moved to Colorado and New York for a national rollout, there's more room at the original Chicago brewery for its more interesting efforts.

LOS ANGELES - A chef who told police he boiled his wife's body for four days to hide evidence of her death was convicted Thursday of second-degree murder. David Viens showed no reaction as the verdict was read. The sister of his victim burst out sobbing. In a recorded interrogation presented by prosecutors during the trial, Viens, 49, can be heard saying that he cooked the body of his wife, Dawn , 39, in late 2009 until little was left but her skull. "He treated her like a piece of meat and got rid of her," said Karen Patterson, the couple's best friend who spoke with reporters outside court.

A goose was killed by an amusement-park ride at Six Flags Great Adventure and as spectators watched in horror, according to a published report. The Asbury Park Press says the ill-fated goose landed on the sloped conveyor belt that pulls rafts up to a loading dock of the Congo Rapids ride on Sunday at the Ocean County amusement park. Witness Nicole Cora, 26. of Stonington, Conn., told the newspaper that operators stopped the belt and tried to scare the bird, but it did not budge.

Wawa's next boss learned business at his dad's car wash, and drinks his coffee black. Cup a day. Maybe two. "This company isn't about the CEO. We have 18,000 associates, and this is really about them," the workers Wawa relies on to keep heavy users coming back at 600 stores, says Chris Gheysens, Wawa's past chief financial officer and current president, who is scheduled to take over as chief executive when Howard Stoeckel retires at year's end....

REGARDLESS of the candidate's efforts to remain cool and keep his composure, Mitt Romney's campaign is in serious trouble. The feeling of inevitability surrounding his nomination has chilled as party leaders and the media sense that his armor has developed some serious chinks. Last week's Gallup tracking poll shows Romney trailing Rick Santorum nationally by four points. A Feb. 10-13 CNN Poll has Santorum leading Romney by 18 points when asked which candidate would be best for the middle class.

GO to philly.com/ hotbutton to cast your vote for who's been the biggest hero and who's been the biggest villain of the past week. HERO a) The Nutter administration, for wisely refusing $10 million from the American Beverage Association to fund an anti-obesity campaign. b) The Pa. Supreme Court, for finally allowing cameras to tape court sessions. c) Fertile yuppies, for producing a "demographic wave" of school-age children that could - so say Center City District officials - lead to improved public schools in the area.

SAN FRANCISCO - It's starting to feel like a 1999 flashback. Internet companies - some of them profitable, some not - sense a golden opportunity and are lining up to go public this year. But we're nowhere close to the giddy days of the late '90s dot-com boom, when investors bought newly issued stocks as impulsively as lottery tickets. Technology stocks today are the cheapest in more than nine years, judging by one benchmark for appraising companies. In addition, venture capitalists who bankroll high-tech start-ups aren't pouring money into the Internet like they once did. Moreover, rapidly growing Internet companies LinkedIn Corp.

This goose didn't lay a golden egg, but it did cost the Drexel men's varsity eight a chance at a gold medal. The Dragons were in the lead in the men's varsity eight with about 500 meters to go on the 2,000-meter course Saturday in the Dad Vail when a goose got tangled in the oars on the starboard side. Their timing thrown off, their momentum broken, the Dragons couldn't recover and were passed by Michigan and Virginia. "We were going strong," said Tim Drake, a sophomore from Holy Spirit High who was in the No. 7 seat, which is on the port side.