Goose

"The Hunting of the President" looks back at the good old days when the president of the United States stood accused of lying about his sexual indiscretions, not whether he misled the public in starting a war that has claimed hundreds of American lives and billions in taxpayer dollars. An earnest defense of Bill Clinton against the "vast right-wing conspiracy," this advocacy piece contains few revelations, but does manage to evoke sympathy for Whitewater victim Susan McDougal and reinforce the ineptness of the journalists who cover national politics.

It looked no different from golf clinics everywhere, except that the 32 pupils were all big shots from big business and the pro giving the lesson was the greatest player of all time. "I use only one swing and one swing only," said Jack Nicklaus, surrounded at the Bear's Club by an attentive audience of CEOs, COOs and assorted fat cats from the Fortune 500. "Golf is difficult enough with one swing, let alone different swings for different shots," Nicklaus added. "So I always made my adjustments with ball position and stance.

Dave Magpiong drove from New Jersey, hoping to get a look. Rett Oren and Ken Niewoehner came from Bethlehem. Al Guarente and five buddies showed up, in freezing rain, from Delaware County. Then there was the couple who drove 410 miles from Boston. Birders from across the region - and spots up and down the eastern seaboard - have been gathering by three frozen lakes in central Chester County for the last two weeks, hoping to get a glimpse of a goose with bubble-gum pink feet that should be across the Atlantic in England right now, but apparently isn't.

Geese are the new deer. Canada geese are the latest scourge wreaking havoc with the human landscape. They're not just disrupting airline flight paths, but polluting the world with their vile green droppings. In anticipation of the outrage of animal-rights group PETA over the fact geese are being rounded up and shot, we offer a more humane solution: weighted goose diapers. Not only will they prevent flight, but they'll keep the birds from dumping all over us. The only catch: PETA's going to have to change them.

New Jersey is overpopulated with unwelcome immigrants from Canada, and at long last someone is getting rid of them. I am talking about Canada geese, the new weapons of mass destruction. It is estimated there are 100,000 of these dirty birds in New Jersey, dropping their disgusting calling cards on our parks, playgrounds, ponds, golf courses, and (look out!) cars minutes after they are washed. Along the entire East Coast, there are more than one million Canada geese. That's fodder for a sequel to a Hitchcock flick.

As a New Jersey resident and a parakeet owner, I can see both sides of the debate on Canada geese ("Overrun by geese, they take drastic step," July 21). I am careful to slow down or stop as birds cross intersections. I do realize, however, that the birds deposit a large amount of droppings in relation to their size. You mention gassing the geese. I hope that they are then given to those who need food, if possible. Another possibility is companies that could use the geese in animal feed.

Goose Creek Grill, an upscale bistro and pizza establishment, brings to mind those stories about freak weather accidents. Housed in a low-slung building, the restaurant looks as if it might have been lifted by a flood and brought to rest at its present location - a spot at the bottom of a hill off Route 926. I bring up location only because Goose Creek Grill is the kind of hideaway everyone wants to discover. I know this great little place, I imagine, has become the catchphrase for patrons who work or live nearby.

In the growing war of man against goose, a dog - the border collie, to be precise - has become a weapon of choice. That bit of information not only came as a revelation to Bob Young and Dennis Tice, it also has changed their lives. Especially Tice's. A marketing executive for many years in the natural-foods industry, the 45-year-old father of two from Cherry Hill has given up his career to join with Young - and their dogs Boomer and Merlin - to create Geese Chasers. From golf courses to public parks and private developments, the men and their shaggy partners can be found clearing lawns, lakesides and fairways of Canada geese that have lost their migratory ways and are protected by international treaty.

One hundred Canada geese found their home here amid the hush of suburbia, in a shallow pond on the Cabot Corp. property, eating up grass, taking a leisurely swim, hissing, and chasing the occasional Cabot employee. The geese were loving life - until one day, they paused and looked into the eyes of death. They were the eyes of Lace, a border collie, dark brown and seemingly hungry. "Go get 'em, Lace!" her owner, Maggie Chambers, remembers calling out as the black-and-white dog paddled after two Canada geese, her mouth wide open.

The United States has a growing illegal alien problem with a bunch of Canadians who just won't go home. Branta canadensis maxima, a.k.a. Canada geese, have taken up residence in office parks, golf courses, cornfields and even highway medians. Near airports, their flight patterns create a safety hazard. Their constant munching damages lawns and farmers' fields. Their droppings - up to 1 1/2 pounds a day each - foul ponds and parks. Nationally, 3.5 million Canada geese have moved in permanently, including 250,000 in Pennsylvania and 85,000 in New Jersey.