Goose

Three cheers for David Horowitz," I said to myself at the beginning of the Great Reparations Ad Debate. "It's about time conservatives came out squarely in favor of the First Amendment." My joy and admiration grew as the controversy wore on and I saw so much of the conservative punditocracy weigh in as champions of collegiate free speech. Mona Charen decried "the thick molasses of agitprop that has smothered free speech on America's campuses."

Protection for fetuses? Congress's concern for life would be funny if it weren't so hypocritical. These protectors of the "unborn," these champions of life, voted against national health care for children, Head Start and school lunch programs. Save those fetuses, but once they're born, let them starve! These are the same people who voted to cut back welfare benefits to women with children (although corporate welfare is fine) but have nothing to say about making deadbeat dads pay for the children they helped create.

Craig Marleton pulls on his waders and loads his cordless Black and Decker drill into a plastic bucket. On a nearby island, an alert Canada goose watches from her nest as he sloshes toward her, armed with a net on a pole in case she tries to attack. Marleton wades, fowl watches. Suddenly, wings flap as she flees the nest. Her mate rushes in from the water with an angry honk, honk, honk. Undeterred, Marleton takes out his Black and Decker and reaches into the down-lined nest.

It might be very hard to think of foie gras along the lines of a microwavable TV dinner. But gourmet guru Joel Assouline assures me: Just thaw this one-pound brick of fattened duck liver terrine under running water, then pop it in the microwave for a couple of minutes. And voila . . . instant liver luxury! Actually, you need to let it cool in the fridge for a day before serving. But still, microwavable foie gras? What's next: Hungry Man Tournedos Rossini? We put this terrine to the test - imported from the French company Rougie, the world's largest producer of foie gras - and tasted it against some other terrines, both fresh and canned, which until recently was the most common form of foie gras in this country.

Camden Mayor Milton Milan was the man who would "open doors" in Camden, the "big guy," the "golden goose that laid the golden eggs. " That is why, Philadelphia mob boss Ralph Natale testified yesterday during the mayor's federal corruption trial, he set his sights on Milan. It is why, Natale testified, he routinely slipped Milan white envelopes stuffed with $100 bills through a trusted intermediary, "Danny Daidone. " And it is why, Natale told the jury, he wanted to make sure that Milan's every need was "taken care of," whether it was a trip, a dinner, a "girlfriend," or just a weekend at home.

They flock to lawns and ponds, drawn to the manicured suburban landscape. In the last decade, their population has doubled across the Garden State. Standing two to three feet tall, weighing 10 to 12 pounds, on average, the resident Canada goose has become ubiquitous in New Jersey, thrilling wildlife enthusiasts but frustrating many property owners. While humans normally are accused of encroaching on wildlife, in this case, the roles have been reversed. And towns across South Jersey are wrestling with the feathered dilemma.

From his Ford pickup, Bob Lohoefer looks into a glorious summer morning at George Washington Memorial Park in Plymouth Meeting. The sun is burning off the haze. Along a rolling expanse of lawn, a work crew sizes up a spot to dig a grave. Between two ponds, Lohoefer pulls off the path, gets out and looks down. The ground is dotted with green blobs. "This is a place that's supposed to be peaceful," Lohoefer says. "Not a place where you have to step in goose poop. " The offenders, about 40 of them, swim lazily in a pond about a hundred yards off. Lohoefer - with his partner, Joe Rocco, a few part-timers, and a pack of trained dogs - is one of the Goose Guys.

There's a goose crisis in Philadelphia and part of the problem is that they aren't exactly laying golden eggs. Rather, the burgeoning population of Canada geese are clogging roadways, eating away grass and vegetation, running into cars and bicycles, and leaving a distinctive, cylindrical calling card. And we're not talking about liver pate. Goose poop is dark green, with the approximate circumference and consistency of a slender, soggy cigarillo. Walk along West River Drive or Kelly Drive and you'll see a lot of it. Tons of it. Ask any cyclist, jogger, walker, in-line skater or would-be picnicker and you'll hear stories of intimate encounters with Canada geese and their guano.

Vincent "Al Pajamas" Pagano, who once boasted to a government informant that he was the "number-three man" in the Philadelphia mob, wants a federal judge to substantially reduce his 80-year prison sentence for racketeering. The reason? He says that the government exaggerated his role in the John Stanfa crime family and that his trial attorney failed to present evidence and witnesses to refute the prosecution's contentions. Pagano, 70, appeared with his new attorney, Steven A. Morley, before Judge Ronald Buckwalter yesterday in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia to make those arguments.

The question: If the decoy cost $684,500, what's the real thing worth? The answer: It's worth $684,500 because the decoy is the real thing! A two-day auction of American waterfowl decoys at Sotheby's in Manhattan has set a world record for the sale of a hand-crafted wild goose. A decoy referred to as the "Outstanding Sleeping Canada Goose" carved in 1917 by artisan Elmer Crowell of East Harwich, Mass., fetched a staggering bid of $684,5000. "It was the most expensive decoy ever sold at auction, [and]