Guest Stars

Out in Beverly Hills, the networks are showcasing their new series for the nation's TV critics (which is sort of like parading your kids through a bears' cave). The funniest moment of this annual donnybrook so far came when NBC trotted out its Thursday-night comedy queens past and present, announcing that Jerry Seinfeld will appear on the season opener of Tina Fey's 30 Rock on Oct. 4. Sarcasm filled the air. "I think it's going to be so refreshing for me to be playing myself on a show that has nothing to do with neurotic, dysfunctional New York characters," said Seinfeld.

Nothing remarkable tonight, but it's not a vast wasteland either. EVENING HIGHLIGHTS MORNINGSTAR/EVENINGSTAR (8 p.m., Ch. 10) - Series regular Scatman Crothers and guest star Ketty Lester are the focus of tonight's show, which uses music as a bridge across the retirement home's multigeneration gap. CBS. MOONLIGHTING (9 p.m., Ch. 6) - Pat Corley, the slimy coroner from Hill Street Blues, guest stars as a man who hires the Blue Moon detectives to locate his son - but for sinister reasons.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show (3 p.m., NBC10) - Lady Gaga performs; beauty guru Kym Douglas. The Oprah Winfrey Show (4 p.m., 6ABC) - Pink performs; actor Dwayne Johnson. Wife Swap (8 p.m., 6ABC) - A former Manhattan career woman who now lives on an organic goat farm in Upstate New York with her family, trades places with a workaholic Oklahoma mother who toils 60-hour weeks to give her family luxuries but sets aside plenty of "me time" for manicures, pedicures, and other treats.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show (3 p.m., NBC10) - Ricky Martin; Mike O'Malley; Kellie Pickler. Entertainment Tonight (7 p.m., CBS3) - The Ides of March ; I Hate My Teenage Daughter . The Insider (7:30 p.m., CBS3) - Entourage ; the day's hottest headlines. Necessary Roughness (10 p.m., USA) - Dr. Dani (Callie Thorne) has a new client: a professional poker player who wants her to help him uncover the "tell" that's causing his losing streak. The Hawks hire a high-powered publicist to help improve T.K.'s (Mehcad Brooks)

LOS ANGELES - Eddie Izzard says he'll never abandon stand-up, but as an actor he's looking for more than laughs. Izzard decided to guest-star in a multi-episode arc on Showtime's United States of Tara this season, because of the show's complexity. "I normally try not to do comedies, but it's a dramatic comedy, a drama with a comedic edge. There seem to be two different types of comedies that exist these days. I thought, 'Let's go do it,' " he said. United States of Tara , which airs at 10:30 p.m. Mondays, stars Toni Collette as a suburban wife, mother, and troubled host to multiple personalities.

Out in Beverly Hills, the networks are showcasing their new series for the nation's TV critics (which is sort of like parading your kids through a bears' cave). The funniest moment of this annual donnybrook so far came when NBC trotted out its Thursday-night comedy queens past and present, announcing that Jerry Seinfeld will appear on the season opener of Tina Fey's 30 Rock on Oct. 4. Sarcasm filled the air. "I think it's going to be so refreshing for me to be playing myself on a show that has nothing to do with neurotic, dysfunctional New York characters," said Seinfeld.

Out in Beverly Hills, the networks are showcasing their new series for the nation's TV critics (which is sort of like parading your kids through a bears' cave). The funniest moment of this annual donnybrook so far came when NBC trotted out its Thursday-night comedy queens past and present, announcing that Jerry Seinfeld will appear on the season opener of Tina Fey's 30 Rock on Oct. 4. Sarcasm filled the air. "I think it's going to be so refreshing for me to be playing myself on a show that has nothing to do with neurotic, dysfunctional New York characters," said Seinfeld.

Tonight's Eagles game will be televised on Channel 17. There's a really good chance, though, that you will get to see some of it on HBO soon. That's because the Eagles are opening their season of high expectations with an exhibition game against a team with ridiculously high expectations, the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens. Baltimore coach Brian Billick decided to allow NFL Films and the cable network total access to his team's camp for the series Hard Knocks, which airs Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Yadda, yadda, yadda and goodbye. With a 75-minute episode that saw the "New York Four" - the notoriously shallow and self-centered Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer - on trial for (get this) not being decent human beings, the most popular sitcom of the '90s left the airwaves last night. NBC estimated that 79 million viewers had their sets tuned to the final episode of Seinfeld. Although that wouldn't break the mark set by Cheers (80 million) when it had its last call in 1993, it did set the standard for ad rates; 30-second spots reportedly sold for $1.7 million.

Everything, they say, is relative - and on prime-time network TV these days, being a relative is one of the best gigs you can get. Take Mary Tyler Moore. Last season, the lady who charmed all of America in "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was poised for a comeback, as star of a new series called "New York News. " But the series - part drama, part comedy and mostly awful - was a dud, and not even TV's tenured sweetheart could carry that load. But now, all of a sudden, she's showing up on NBC's "The Naked Truth" as the high-strung mother of Tea Leoni's Nora.

Ever since "Trek"-classic went on the air in 1966, fans of the show and its spinoffs have been fascinated by the series' guest stars. Roger C. Carmel is a good example. He won viewers over with his mischievous portrayal of con man Harry Mudd in two "Trek"-classic episodes and, until his death in 1986, proved a popular regular on the convention circuit. Bruce Hyde also appeared in just two "Trek"-classic episodes ("Naked Time" and "The Conscience of the King"), yet he remains a convention staple.

Muddled anew by strange rules that have little to do with viewers and everything to do with show-biz money and politics, the Emmys unfold tonight in TV's annual self-congratulatory shebang. From 8 until who knows how far past 11 on Channel 29, Tim Allen (Home Improvement), Kirstie Alley (Cheers) and Dennis Miller (canceled) will host the award cavalcade. Thirty categories will be covered. A special tribute to women in TV is planned. Perhaps Miller, whose talk show is in the last throes of rerun-dom, will be mentioned when Richard Lewis delivers another tribute, to departed TV folks and shows.