Guy Ritchie

IN 2009, Sherlock Holmes made a boffo transition to the 21st century as a wise-cracking action hero, cracking as many heads as cases. Some purists were offended on behalf of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but my guess is that Doyle would be thrilled to have invented a character this durable and elastic. Never out of print, inhabited by dozens of different actors in multiple decades, re-imagined for each new generation. The 2009 Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) was one-half of a buddy comedy team filled out by a smarter, tougher Dr. Watson (Jude Law)

Say what you will about Madonna Louise Ciccone, but give her this: She's always been a trendsetter. Whether she was writhing on the stage floor in a tattered bustier to "Like a Virgin," donning high-gloss PVC for the Erotica album, swapping spit with Vanilla Ice for her Sex book, or having a child out of wedlock via her hunky personal trainer, Madonna has always been . . . out there. Her wedding, which will take place in the Scottish highlands tomorrow, is no exception. For those of you non-tabloid readers, here's the short course in the singer/actress/object of pop-culture fascination's second trip down the aisle.

Some people were born to be in the movies. Madonna, despite her persistence in pursuing said art form, is not one of them. The latest, and perhaps definitive, proof: Swept Away. Together with her husband, the British director Guy Ritchie (Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), the onetime Material Girl had the ill-advised idea to redo Swept Away - Lina Wertmuller's 1974 arthouse hit about an arrogant millionairess stranded on a desert island with a lowly (but hunky) lug. Madonna is the insufferable Amber, a hard, haughty queen of the jet set who has embarked on a Mediterranean cruise with her drug-magnate husband (Bruce Greenwood)

There are many things wrong with "Revolver," and one is that Jason Statham needs a haircut. Statham, the erstwhile Transporter, lets his hair go long and stringy in "Revolver" and is thoroughly dull for the first time in his buzz-cut, butt-kicking career. His listlessness is doubly bizarre, given that "Revolver" is written and directed by Guy Ritchie, who specializes in funny, uptempo crime thrillers. He did "Snatch" and "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels," movies distinguished by Runyunesque gangland characters and a supercharged pace.

Guy Ritchie makes movies that zoom. The gangland Britspeak is pumped up, profane. The action flashes forward, then roars into reverse. All parties concerned appear to be having a gas - even as bullets fly, bad guys (and good) are beaten to a pulp, and suckers get taken for every cent. The problem with Ritchie - recently exed from a certain one-named pop diva - is that he keeps making the same movie. Like Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels , Ritchie's RocknRolla is set in the London underworld.

With the way Hollywood is currently structured, you're never sure what you're going to get. Will the new Leo DiCaprio film be "Titanic" or a "Beach" bust? Will Guy Ritchie make a spiffy "Snatch" or will his talents be "Swept Away"? There remains one actor/director/producer who's a most welcome throwback to the reliable studio system of old Hollywood. Clint Eastwood has been firmly entrenched at Warner Bros. for decades, making consistently intriguing dramas, westerns and thrillers.

Tough-talking gangsters, dangerous gunplay and frenetic camera work highlight "Snatch" (VHS: priced for rental; DVD: $27.99), Guy Ritchie's follow-up to his indie hit "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. " Similar in tone but with a bigger cast and larger palette, "Snatch" follows a fight-fixing ring and a bag of pilfered diamonds from one hoodlum to another. Our narrator is the likable thug Turkish (Ritchie regular Jason Statham), who recruits a mush-mouthed Gypsy boxer (played hilariously by Brad Pitt)

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity," cautions Turkish (Jason Statham), the philosopher-dimwit at the hub of Guy Ritchie's freewheeling comedy Snatch. Though he's describing the clocklike moronism of the wisecracking wiseguys, pugnacious pugs and broke pawnbrokers whose fates collide in this Tarantino-comes-to-London effort, he might well be commenting upon the film itself. So be warned. Snatch is a movie whose how-low-can-your-IQ-go characters are designed to make the audience feel smart.

One's tempted to lay the blame for 9 Dead Gay Guys at the feet of Guy Ritchie - Madonna's man and director of the fast, furious, flip London gangster pics Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. With its ziggy cameras, zaggy soundtrack, and snicker-snicker title cards, this aggressively un-p.c. trip though the gay quadrants of London town is Ritchie-esque without being particularly rich. There is a lot of raunch, though, and shameless equal-opportunity lampooning that targets every ethnic type and sexual persuasion, not to mention a dwarf and a draq queen, to boot.

Mackenzie Phillips' guilty plea One Day At a Time star Mackenzie Phillips yesterday pled guilty to felony cocaine possession in a deal that will have her enter an 18-month drug deferment program. If the 48-year-old actress successfuly completes the program, the charges will disappear. Phillips thanked the cops who busted her Aug. 27 "for stopping me, and probably saving my life. " The Boss and his Jersey Devil Bruce Springsteen celebrated Halloween this year with a new song about a Jersey homeboy, "A Night With the Jersey Devil.

IN 2009, Sherlock Holmes made a boffo transition to the 21st century as a wise-cracking action hero, cracking as many heads as cases. Some purists were offended on behalf of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but my guess is that Doyle would be thrilled to have invented a character this durable and elastic. Never out of print, inhabited by dozens of different actors in multiple decades, re-imagined for each new generation. The 2009 Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) was one-half of a buddy comedy team filled out by a smarter, tougher Dr. Watson (Jude Law)

In a fairy tale that has ignited our heart, Anne Hathaway has become engaged to her beau of three years, actor Adam Shulman ( Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning ). Adam, 30, proposed over the weekend armed with a Kwiat Heritage ring, says Us Weekly. The duo began dating a few months after Anne's thang with Raffaello Follieri folded when he was busted for defrauding investors of millions by posing as a Vatican real estate consultant. (He's currently serving a 4½-year stint in federal prison.)

Eddie Murphy , who garnered his first and only Oscar nomination in 2007 for Dreamgirls , will own the show next year. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced Tuesday that Murphy, 50, would host the 84th annual Academy Awards, live on ABC on Feb. 26. "I am enormously honored to join the great list of past Academy Awards hosts, from Hope and Carson to Crystal, Martin, and Goldberg, among others," Murphy said in...

SHERLOCK HOLMES liked to say that his unique method of investigation was based on the observation of trifles. The new screen version of the venerable movie staple is based on an observation of its own - that no franchise will nowadays succeed without the enthusiastic support of young males. And so Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.), before he has a chance to make a single brilliant deduction, is tossed into a bare-knuckle brawl with a hairy heavyweight. The scene takes us inside Holmes' head, where he uses his big brain to plot out the sequence of athletic maneuvers that will allow him to duck a punch, break the man's knee, crack his rib, puncture his kidney.

Yes we can party? BET on it Time to party like it's 2009! BET has done a double somersault with a 2 1/2 twist onto the already-sagging inaugural bandwagon, announcing two big Washington-based events. The first is the second annual BET Honors, at the Warner Theatre in Washington Jan. 17 (telecast Feb. 9) and hosted by Gabrielle Union. Honorees will include Earvin "Magic" Johnson, Mary J. Blige, Tyler Perry, dancer Judith Jameson, and entrepreneur B. Smith. And then, par-tay!

OUR WITTY yet cynical nature aside, Tattle is a big softie. That "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" gets us nearly every week. Who wouldn't feel a twinge of something when a family of 12, many of them without arms, legs or working organs, living in an the equivalent of a porta-john, gets to see a new home - their new home - that would make Bill Gates jealous. It seems, however, that the mortgage crisis has reached even the creations of Ty Pennington - how about that new bedding line, by the way. (Insert Sears ad here.

THERE HAVE been a number of British tabloid reports as to what Guy Ritchie would receive in his divorce from Madonna - News of the World is now saying the number will be around $47 million. That will include nearly $18 million in cash (so that Guy can buy homes to be near the children), the couple's $29 million Ashcombe House country estate in Wiltshire and Guy's $4.4 million Punchbowl pub. The Material Middle-Aged Woman will keep the remainder of her nearly $500 million fortune and the couple's home in London.

She jumps rope, she plays guitar, and she sits with one leg provocatively draped over an arm of her pop star's throne and invites one and all to "come on into my store, I've got candy galore. " That's right, aging bad girl Madonna was in town on Thursday for the Philadelphia stop of her Sticky & Sweet tour at the Wachovia Center, a tireless two-hour affair that employed a dozen dancers, a band of Russian Gypsy musicians, a 1935 Auburn Speedster classic car, and one fishnet-pantyhose-wearing megastar who leaves absolutely nothing to chance.

Guy Ritchie makes movies that zoom. The gangland Britspeak is pumped up, profane. The action flashes forward, then roars into reverse. All parties concerned appear to be having a gas - even as bullets fly, bad guys (and good) are beaten to a pulp, and suckers get taken for every cent. The problem with Ritchie - recently exed from a certain one-named pop diva - is that he keeps making the same movie. Like Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels , Ritchie's RocknRolla is set in the London underworld.