Idiots

Looking for a job week after week without landing one is a frustrating, humiliating experience. And the longer someone searches in vain, the more likely he or she is to be up against major blows such as losing a home, facing an illness without health coverage, and so on. The federal government should be doing more to help people who are caught up in this downward spiral. By far the most practical way to help right now is to provide several more months of unemployment checks to people who have exhausted their 26 weeks of benefits.

After considering the effects of his controversial remarks about Villanova's football team and Wildcats coach Andy Talley, Delaware linebacker Mike Bandish apologized yesterday. "I wish to apologize to Andy Talley and the entire Villanova football program for comments that I made on Monday afternoon," Bandish said in a prepared statement. "The comments that I made have been a source of embarrassment not only to myself but to my teammates, coach (Tubby) Raymond, and to the University of Delaware.

Anthony Morelli has learned to hide behind the protective facade that widely criticized athletes often construct for themselves. The Penn State quarterback peers out from behind it during interviews. His body language doesn't just suggest caution, it shouts it. His rote answers come in rapid-fire bursts. He seldom smiles. He rarely jokes. He doesn't engage with reporters the way his media-savvy predecessor, Michael Robinson, did. That's what happens when you're the quarterback of a Penn State team that lost four games, when you get blamed for the defeats, when you've been called dumb and disappointing, when your performances haven't matched your physical gifts.

When it comes to driving habits, some drivers' quirks in this area could drive you crazy - and it'd be a pretty short drive. Ask police and automobile clubs in and around Philadelphia and its suburbs the most frequently mentioned failings of area drivers and you get an instant list of woes. They range from following too closely and not turning on headlights in low-light or bad-weather conditions, to failing to yield when merging and to improper lane changes. Drive a bit farther away to New Jersey, New York or Maryland, and the top problems are speeding and failure to wear seat belts.

Could insult be good for you?   As long as everyone else is getting it, too? For the third straight year, Ricky Gervais hosted Sunday evening's Golden Globe Awards. He was more restrained (and thinner) than usual (oops - was that an insult?). But he still had a couple of good zingers. "The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton," he said, comparing the reality-TV queen and the future queen of England. "Bit louder, bit trashier, bit drunker, and more easily bought.

AGAIN THIS WEEK, Michael Vick proved that he can catch more headlines than President Obama, or even Gov. Rendell. In a statement notable for its seismic stupidity, conservative talking head Tucker Carlson said on a cable-TV show that Vick deserved to be executed for torturing and killing dogs. The statement was made worse with Carlson, by way of some lefthanded, inverted exoneration, describing himself as a Christian. Let's take that part first. First, his religion is immaterial.

SIX WEEKS AGO, when I heard that Curt Weldon and Larry Mendte, the dumb and dumber of politics and the media, had taken it upon themselves to negotiate with Moammar Gadhafi, I knew that Christmas had come early. The very image of these two washed-up wackos traipsing around Tripoli was too good to be true. I could just envision Mendte getting all giddy as they neared the presidential palace: "Curt. That's him! We found him!" "Uh, Larry, that's just a statue. " "I'm gonna ask him about the Phillies.

How many Idiots does it take to write a guide for Dummies? I asked myself that question this week when I received notice of the latest: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Smoothies. Is no subject too trivial? I understand the need for a Complete Idiot's Guide to Calculus. Intermediate French, Fibromyalgia, Middle East Conflict - these are all topics that leave me feeling like an idiot anyway, so I'm up for a guide. Sign Language, Body Language, Kickboxing. I can even accept that someone out there needs The Complete Idiot's Guide to Elves and Fairies.

The world has gone Mad. Little could the late William Gaines have known 50 years ago, when he published the first 10-cent Mad comic book, that he'd created a monster - and we're not talking Alfred E. Neuman. We're talking about a publication that would redefine modern American satire. Three years later, in 1955, Mad had morphed into a "slick" - a magazine with a subtitle ("Humor in a Jugular Vein"), a little cameo portrait atop the cover of an unnamed boy with a dumb grin and gapped teeth and big ears and his own slogan (need we say "What - Me Worry?"

Saturday's football game between Villanova and Delaware really didn't need any more emotional sparks. Villanova Stadium should be filled. And for the two football teams inside, this is the game of the year. Wildcats quarterback Tom Colombo calls it the biggest game of his college career. Villanova coach Andy Talley calls it a classic. "This game has so much intensity and emotion wrapped around it right now," Talley said. The winner should end up as Yankee Conference champion.