Irony

IRONY, the friend of satirists and constant companion of current events for many generations, has died, according to press reports. The cause of death was believed to be chronic irrelevance in the current national mood, but Irony had been in poor health for years. Indeed, Irony was seldom recognized by the American public whenever he did appear in any event, story, play, song or newspaper column. Irony had hoped to make a connection with a younger generation with the release of the 1995 Alanis Morissette song "Ironic.

A Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks performance is: A. The act of an above-average indie-pop tunesmith reinventing himself behind extended guitar jams that can politely be described as atonal. B. Similar to one by Malkmus' old band, Pavement - some good songs, some flaccid instrumental stretches, and plenty of ironic chitchat between the crowd and the singer-guitarist with the God's-gift cheekbones. C. Both of the above. Answer: C, as evidenced at Tuesday night's Trocadero show.

How ironic that Hollywood director John Landis, who was part and parcel of the Vietnam protest mob, finds himself on trial for the very charge he hurled at us Vietnam vets - the killing of Vietnamese children. It is probably the best Twilight Zone episode ever, because he was trying to make us look like child killers, and in his "artistic endeavor" to portray us as such he is alleged to have killed Vietnamese children. I just hope that there are some Viet vets on his jury who find it in their hearts to forgive his mean spirit.

AS AN African-American, I find it ironic that Barack Obama would win the Democratic nomination the same week he visited Mount Rushmore. He must have had mixed feelings seeing the sculptures of Washington and Jefferson, who owned slaves and yet declared all men are created equal. Days later, Obama spoke before thousands of people of nearly every race as the first African-American to win a major party endorsement for the president. Stuart M. Burgh Jr., Philadelphia But will it work for oil?

ALL AMERICANS should remember Arnhem, Holland, where Joran van der Sloot, a suspect in the murder of Natalee Holloway, now lives with his father. Arnhem was famous for a major battle during WWII. It was was in the movie "A Bridge Too Far" and was the scene of fighting described in "Band of Brothers. " The military operation called Market Garden, designed to shorten the war, was a failure, costing many U.S. and British lives owing to shoddy planning by British Gen. Bernard Montgomery over the objections of Lt. Gen. George Patton.

What must Justice Thurgood Marshall think as he sits, stewing, over the nomination of Clarence Thomas? Perhaps that if you live long enough, the last sense you need is a keen sense of irony. How ironic to spend a lifetime opening doors for American blacks and to see a successor coming through those doors who disagrees with much that you hold dear. What was it Marshall said in his cranky farewell press conference? Don't use race as a ploy or an excuse for "doing wrong," he advised the President.

Five people painters - four with no interest in irony and each engaged seriously with content, and the fifth artist interested in satire - are exhibiting at Delaware Center for the Contemporary Arts on the riverfront. These regional artists vary in their approach to allegorical expression. Three - Stephen Tanis, Lisa Bartolozzi and Nora Sturges - paint ordinary human beings from direct observation, and they include some degree of allegory to broaden their perspective on humanity.

In a season already marked by strange switches and unexpected twists, of course Kevin Kolb would end up being the quarterback who faced off against Donovan McNabb in his first game back, just as the script had been written from Easter Sunday until Concussion Sunday. It couldn't have happened any differently, and if you like irony with your football, all it took was a rib injury to starter Michael Vick, just as all it took last season was a rib injury to McNabb to get Kolb the first under-fire audition that must have really impressed the coaches.

YOU PROBABLY haven't heard of him, but, among the insulated world of Philadelphia's journalistic and political cognoscenti, there's long been a very special celebrity, someone mayors and governors and editors and talking heads alike go out of their way not only to greet, but to befriend. He is perhaps the only Philadelphian beloved by both Democrats and Republicans, and by competing beat writers. He is not someone with a privileged position or a lot of power. He simply has a huge heart, a mischievous smile and an infectious way of looking at the world — and this makes people want him to like them.

ADMITTEDLY, when we called the white building at Broad and Callowhill streets the "Tower of Truth," there was a touch of irony. Reporters are big on irony. The papers are moving out of the tower soon. Recently, the management took big steps away from the truth. Even allowing for irony, it's a self-destructive act for newspapers that are already in deep trouble. Newspapers are businesses. That was true when they were obscenely profitable, and it's still true, even now that much of the money has migrated to things like circulars and Craigslist.

BOSTON - There were 5 minutes and 49 seconds remaining in the second period last night and the noise in TD Garden was as deafening as it had been since the first 2 minutes. The Bruins had just tacked on a third goal, but here was Nikolay Zherdev alone behind the Bruins' net, puck on stick, and here came Andrej Meszaros unchecked down the slot, the pass going tape to tape. You know what happened next. Bruins goalie Tim Thomas stoned him, absorbed the rebound, and Meszaros and Zherdev lowered their heads as they skated to the bench.

By Bill Bonvie The depiction of a knock-off Statue of Liberty on the U.S. Postal Service's new "forever" stamp has been called a "case of mistaken identity. " But the substitution of a Las Vegas casino's replica for the actual icon in New York Harbor couldn't be more symbolically suited to the United States of today. A century ago, that welcoming statue might well have represented the aspirations of those tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, who believed this country offered everyone a chance to strive for a decent standard of living.

Oh, the ironies of life, they are many. In Speaking of Tongues, at Walnut Street Theatre's third-floor Independence stage, they are unstoppable - so many ironies pour forth, they begin to feel normal, and the play waters itself down. After a smartly written first act about the marital indiscretions of two couples - Tongues is by Australian playwright Andrew Bovell, screenwriter for the film Strictly Ballroom - the play moves on to consider the people these folks connected with in passing.

Chris Satullo is executive director of news and civic dialogue at WHYY When naming a newborn, you feel the weight of the decision, the fond hope that the right name might provide a push along a hoped-for path. Even as names seek to nudge destiny, sometimes they merely set up irony: Faith, the fiery atheist; Victor, the embittered failure. We can't know all the thoughts that coursed through William Penn's mind when he chose Philadelphia as the name for his new city, tucked onto the peninsula between the Delaware River and the Schuylkill.

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. - The 46-year-old coach of one team in the Outback Bowl is resigning after the game. The almost-84-year-old coach of the other team is coming back for his 46th season. Naturally, with a scenario like that, the matter of when Penn State's Joe Paterno will retire came up Friday for what seems like the bazillionth time. Actually, no specific question like that was asked during the Nittany Lions' bowl media day at the Lasch Football Complex. But when a reporter asked Paterno if it bothered him to be asked about retirement so much, the coach pounced.

In a season already marked by strange switches and unexpected twists, of course Kevin Kolb would end up being the quarterback who faced off against Donovan McNabb in his first game back, just as the script had been written from Easter Sunday until Concussion Sunday. It couldn't have happened any differently, and if you like irony with your football, all it took was a rib injury to starter Michael Vick, just as all it took last season was a rib injury to McNabb to get Kolb the first under-fire audition that must have really impressed the coaches.

"Can the economy really sustain this? That's the big question mark sitting out there. " - economist Brian Bethune of IHS Global Insight Inc., on the galloping fourth-quarter GDP growth rate of 5.7 percent "I'm going after them. " - developer Brian O'Neill, explaining his $8 billion lawsuit against his lender, Citizens Bank of Pennsylvania "Nobody ever gets fired for staying at Holiday Inn. There is no preconceived notion of extravagance attached to our brand. " - Kevin Kowalski, senior vice president of global brand management for the hotel chain "Toyota had a bulletproof reputation for quality, and now it's been tarnished.