Joint Custody

IF ARLENE ACKERMAN had ever been through a messy divorce, she would have learned to play the joint-custody game. She would have known to dress the kids in runover shoes and threadbare coats just before their dad picked them up for the weekend. She would know that you never go to the courthouse in designer jeans to petition for more child support. That's how you play the joint-custody game. Each parent hides assets and exaggerates liabilities while the kids play the part of flyspecked waifs.

In the annals of joint custody, it is written that one child is entitled to two sets of toys, dual wardrobes and twin beds - one in mom's house and one in dad's. As the work world began to be shared, so, too, did custody arrangements. No longer were all divorced mothers at home to provide full-time care, and some divorced fathers wanted to be a part of the parenting chores on a regular basis. Today, however, joint custody has lost some of its allure as courts are looking anew at what's best for children.

For years, New Jersey divorce courts generally have assumed that children 7 years old and younger are better off with their mothers. That could change with a new bill being sponsored by Assemblywoman Barbara Faith Kalik (D., Burlington). Kalik's bill (A-4324) would make joint custody the first consideration in divorce proceedings. The bill would help wipe away what has been considered an unfair aspect of state law, according to Marlene Lynch Ford, counsel for the Assembly Democrats.

A Cape May County woman who told police that she was unable to rescue her infant son and 6-year-old daughter from a house fire was charged yesterday with their deaths. Bernadette Jordan, 31, of Erma, was charged by Lower Township police with suffocating Michael Jordan Jr., 15 months, and Frances, a first grader at St. Anne's Catholic School in Wildwood. Investigators with the Cape May County Prosecutor's Office said they thought Jordan, after smothering the children, had set fire to the house either in a suicide attempt or to conceal the killings.

All the celebrisphere is abuzz with the sad yet long-expected news. Katie Holmes, 33, and Tom Cruise, 49, are divorcing, according to People mag and their reps. Reports from the front say she's hired a lawyer, filed the papers on Thursday — five days before the guy turns 50 — and wants sole custody of their daughter, Suri, 6. That renewed the notion, passed along by TMZ.com, that Katie didn't want Suri to get involved in Tom's Scientology (to which, BTW, Kate did convert). Poor Tom. He was evidently clueless about Katie's intentions, according to TMZ As evidence, the Web site ran pics of the two strolling hand in hand in Iceland just two weeks ago, with smiles that suggest no impending nastiness.

TRENTON - The legal wrangling continues in a divorced southern New Jersey woman's bid to change her children's last name. A state appellate court has overturned a lower court's order that gave the Burlington County woman permission to give her last name to the couple's two children, who took their father's surname at birth. The three-judge appellate panel ruled Friday that the judge who issued the order wrongly presumed the mother should prevail because she is the children's "parent of primary residence.

The Bensalem man who allegedly kidnapped his daughter from his estranged wife two years ago and has been hiding out ever since turned himself in to police in Merced, Calif., on Friday. Robert Anthony Bondello, 38, had taken his daughter, Krystle, on a trip to Chicago in August 1993 and never returned. According to the FBI, Bondello fled with Krystle to California, where he took a job in an auto body shop in Merced and enrolled Krystle in school, both of them going by assumed names.

Claudia Librett, the Main Line mother charged with kidnapping her daughter and fleeing to Canada to avoid a bitter custody battle, had something to be thankful for yesterday. "I'm glad to get out of jail," a tired-sounding Librett said from the home of relatives in Haverford, Montgomery County, where she spent Thanksgiving. Librett, 52, said she was released from prison Wednesday night after agreeing to cooperate with law enforcement officials. The officials are seeking information about anyone who may have helped her during three years on the run. Librett had been in prison since Aug. 9. The Piscataway, N.J., home of Librett's attorney, Toby Kleinman, was searched by detectives earlier this week, according to broadcast reports.

Agent 007, where are you? Actor Sean Connery's wife was robbed of about $1 million worth of jewelry when a thief stole a bag filled with diamonds, bracelets and brooches from her Manhattan apartment while she was at dinner, police said yesterday. Micheline Connery arrived at the posh East Side apartment hotel on Wednesday evening. Police tell the rest: She leaves her bags, goes to dinner, awakens the next morn to find a small jewel case gone. In it: $1 million worth of loot, including a Cartier watch, Bulgari diamonds and earrings.

Two children found in the bedroom of their fire-ravaged home in Lower Township last weekend had been killed before the blaze began, the Cape May County Medical Examiner's Office ruled yesterday. Frances Jordan, 6, and her brother, Michael Jr., 18 months, were discovered by firefighters at 12:10 a.m. Saturday, stretched out in the bedroom they often shared with their mother, Bernadette. Bernadette Jordan, 30, was in stable condition yesterday at Crozer-Chester Medical Center in Upland, Pa., after she escaped from the fire by climbing through a broken window.

* GUYS WITH KIDS. Previews 10 p.m. Wednesday. 8:30 p.m. Wednesdays starting Sept. 26. YOU REMEMBER those ubiquitous promos last spring about the "dudes" support group from "What to Expect When You're Expecting," the movie somehow wrested from a book of advice for pregnant women? Imagine each of those spots had lasted a half-hour, with breaks for other commercials. Then subtract Chris Rock from that mental picture. You now have a pretty clear idea of what to expect from NBC's "Guys With Kids," which gets a special launch Wednesday right after "America's Got Talent" before taking up residence at 8:30 p.m. Wednesdays starting Sept.

All the celebrisphere is abuzz with the sad yet long-expected news. Katie Holmes, 33, and Tom Cruise, 49, are divorcing, according to People mag and their reps. Reports from the front say she's hired a lawyer, filed the papers on Thursday — five days before the guy turns 50 — and wants sole custody of their daughter, Suri, 6. That renewed the notion, passed along by TMZ.com, that Katie didn't want Suri to get involved in Tom's Scientology (to which, BTW, Kate did convert). Poor Tom. He was evidently clueless about Katie's intentions, according to TMZ As evidence, the Web site ran pics of the two strolling hand in hand in Iceland just two weeks ago, with smiles that suggest no impending nastiness.

TRENTON - The legal wrangling continues in a divorced southern New Jersey woman's bid to change her children's last name. A state appellate court has overturned a lower court's order that gave the Burlington County woman permission to give her last name to the couple's two children, who took their father's surname at birth. The three-judge appellate panel ruled Friday that the judge who issued the order wrongly presumed the mother should prevail because she is the children's "parent of primary residence.

IF ARLENE ACKERMAN had ever been through a messy divorce, she would have learned to play the joint-custody game. She would have known to dress the kids in runover shoes and threadbare coats just before their dad picked them up for the weekend. She would know that you never go to the courthouse in designer jeans to petition for more child support. That's how you play the joint-custody game. Each parent hides assets and exaggerates liabilities while the kids play the part of flyspecked waifs.

WHILE Charlie Sheen hasn't officially severed ties yet with "Two and a Half Men," he has cut the cord with his two children from his marriage to Denise Richards. TMZ.com reports that Charlie has surrendered legal custody of 6-year-old Sam and 4-year-old Lola to his ex. Up to now the oft-feuding pair had joint custody. The move was reportedly Denise's idea since Charlie is dealing with legal problems, marriage problems and possibly drug and hooker problems. Charlie agreed with no drama.

M.J. ends fight over family items Michael Jackson has given up a legal campaign to block a Florida luggage transportation company, the Universal Express Inc., and Guernsey's Auction House from selling a treasure trove of 1,000 Jackson family items, said to be worth $50 mil. Michael's legal team yesterday told a Las Vegas court that they had reached a confidential agreement with the three parties. The stuff, which includes the former King of Pop's gold record for Thriller, was initially in the hands of an ex-biz partner who had won it in a bankruptcy case against M.J. The New York Post and TMZ.com have said Michael's real worry wasn't the collection, but a few embarrassing items, including sex toys and portraits of naked kids.

Claudia Librett, the Main Line mother charged with kidnapping her daughter and fleeing to Canada to avoid a bitter custody battle, had something to be thankful for yesterday. "I'm glad to get out of jail," a tired-sounding Librett said from the home of relatives in Haverford, Montgomery County, where she spent Thanksgiving. Librett, 52, said she was released from prison Wednesday night after agreeing to cooperate with law enforcement officials. The officials are seeking information about anyone who may have helped her during three years on the run. Librett had been in prison since Aug. 9. The Piscataway, N.J., home of Librett's attorney, Toby Kleinman, was searched by detectives earlier this week, according to broadcast reports.

One by one, The Chosen Ones are being given the chance to behold The Celebrity Child at the Cruise Temple in Beverly Hills. And one by one, they come back to witness the good news. The latest missionary, the diminutive cutie-pie Jada Pinkett Smith, has come forth to tell People mag that Suri Cruise, sired by Tom Cruise and incubated by Katie Holmes, is "gorgeous. " "She's one of the sweetest babies I've ever met in my life," Pinkett Smith says. "She's an absolute beauty and she's Daddy's little girl.

LOS ANGELES judge Mark A. Juhas has issued a temporary restraining order requiring David Hasselhoff to stay at least 100 yards away from his estranged wife, Pamela Bach, according to court papers unsealed this week. Hasselhoff is still allowed "peaceful contacts related to court ordered visitation" of one of the couple's two teenage daughters. Bach, 42, has custody of one daughter while Hasselhoff, 53, has custody of the other. Juhas scheduled a hearing for April 4 to decide whether to extend the order to three years.

Inside Man, the bank hostage thriller that reteams Denzel Washington and Spike Lee, vault-ed its way over the competition, depositing $29 mil in its opening weekend. It was the best opening ever for both the filmmaker and his star, according to studio estimates Sunday. The Natalie Portman Orwellian thriller V for Vendetta slipped to second with $12.3 million; Disney's video game fright flick Stay Alive opened in third with $11.2 million. The weekend's other new wide release, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector with comic Dan Whitney, opened at No. 7 with $7.1 million.