Jokes

As jokes go it was a dumb one, even for City Councilman Thacher Longstreth, a connoisseur of cornball humor and practical pranks, and a target of jokes aimed at tall people, Quakers and argyle socks. Still, Longstreth's offhand wisecrack about a "Puerto Rican fireman" to Republican mayoral candidate Frank L. Rizzo, reported in Sunday's Inquirer Magazine, was elevated yesterday to a full-fledged feud over taste and race relations in the mayoral campaign. In a letter to Longstreth, City Councilman Angel Ortiz lambasted the "cruel" remark, and said it echoed the ethnic insensitivity that would flourish if Rizzo defeats Mayor Goode in November.

Ah, children. How often they fail to meet our expectations, yet we love 'em just the same. "You throws the dice," says Walter Gold, the paterfamilias in Jonathan Tolins' new comedy-drama at the Booth Theatre, "and you takes your chances. " But what if you didn't have to take your chances? What if, through prenatal genetic testing, you could identify your kids' predispositions in utero? What if, for instance, you could predict with near-certainty that your son-to-be will grow up (gasp!

His and Hers, the smarmy little sitcom premiering tonight on CBS (Channel 10 at 10:30), stars Martin Mull and Stephanie Faracy. He and she should keep it to themselves. Tonight's riotous theme is getting pregnant. Marty and Steph, newly married marriage counselors, have been trying for six months to no avail. The jokes come from the sperm-count genre: "Your little guys aren't swimming," says the cutie-pie Faracy to Mull. "They're just sort of paddling in place. " Help me, my ribs are aching.

CHELYABINSK, Russia - As a small army of people worked to replace acres of windows shattered by the enormous explosion from a meteor, many joked Saturday about what had happened in this troubled pocket of Russia. One of the most popular jests: Residents of the meteor were terrified to see Chelyabinsk approaching. The fireball that streaked into the sky over this tough industrial city about sunrise Friday was undeniably traumatic. Nearly 1,200 people were reported injured by the shock wave from the explosion, estimated to be as strong as 20 Hiroshima atomic bombs.

Heeeere's Johnny, up to his tort in a $5 million lawsuit by a Long Island dentist who doesn't think the dentist jokes told by the talk show king are funny. Johnny Carson hit a nerve, says Melville, N.Y., dentist Michael Mendelson in papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court yesterday, when he told viewers of his April 18, 1986, show: "Imagine dentists going out of business. I haven't been so happy about a group disbanding since the Gestapo. " Mendelson fired off a letter to Carson demanding a "smirk-free public apology.

When it seems as if the world is too exhausting to keep up with or too frightening, as it has been lately, it's time to turn to a favorite source of chuckles - our national politicians. It's no longer Washington's little secret, but those late-night TV talk-show hosts wield enormous power. And they wield it relentlessly, night after night. All political consultants tell their bosses here that too long a stretch as the butt of jokes by a Conan O'Brien or a Jay Leno (it used to be called the Johnny Carson rule of politics)

In I Hate Hamlet, which opened April 8 at the Walter Kerr Theater, the jokes racket across the footlights like automatic-weapons fire - good jokes and bad jokes, old jokes and new jokes, New York jokes and California jokes, sex jokes and no-sex jokes, theater jokes and - well, more theater jokes. Many more theater jokes. Will the show play in Peoria? Shoot, it's so inbred that it could barely play the East Side. Still, Paul Rudnick's new comedy is fun while the jokes hold out, which is roughly one act. The cast is agreeable, the premise amusing.

University of Pennsylvania orthopedic surgeon John D. Kelly IV says the monthly humor column he writes for a medical trade magazine was due, so he "threw some jokes together" about fat patients. "You should worry about performing surgery on the supersized," Kelly riffed in that August piece, if "there is a comma in your patient's body weight. " Or if a patient "wears his wristwatch on his finger," needs "a blood pressure cuff the size of Montana," or "has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Before Jerry Seinfeld brings his standup to Broadway this summer, he'll fine-tune the act with an out-of-town stint - way out of town. According to sources familiar with the comic's plan, he'll perform in such locations as Iceland and London as a warmup to his limited Broadway run. The show, titled "I'm Telling You for the Last Time," is scheduled to hit New York for a four- or five-day run in August, culminating with an Aug. 9 live telecast...

Jokes aimed at President Bush, a regular feature on NBC's Saturday Night Live, will be sidelined for this weekend's season opener, executive producer Lorne Michaels says. "We won't do anything that attempts to undermine President Bush's authority or that is in any way disrespectful," Michaels said Wednesday. "We'll try to reflect what the country is thinking and feeling at that moment on the night of Sept. 29," Michaels said. "I think New Yorkers have been resilient, generous and tough through all of this.

ABOUT the only good news arising from the "Meet the Parents" clone "Peeples" is that there are no Fockers about. Otherwise it's a virtual duplication. Craig Robinson is the guy (named Wade) with the un-masculine job (he sings hold-your-bladder songs at preschools) and an upper-class girlfriend (Kerry Washington). He crashes one of her family get-togethers at the posh home of her parents (David Alan Grier, S. Epatha Merkerson), who are also also hosting their TV-star daughter and gangsta wannabe son. Dad is a judge, domineering in life as well as in court, and most of the jokes involve the prospective son-in-law trying desperately to make a good impression.

Criticism of this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner was served even before the filet and flounder. Broadcast legend Tom Brokaw told Politico that "the breaking point for me was Lindsay Lohan," a reference to the appearance last year of the troubled actress, who came as a guest of Fox's Greta Van Susteren. "She became a big star at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, give me a break. " Mark Leibovich of the New York Times was next. He told C-Span, "There's a level of self-congratulation and self-celebration and so forth that can be very, you know, somewhat at odds with the mood of the country and how people view the media.

You won't hear a discouraging word about New Jersey during Wanda Sykes' stand-up shows at the Borgata's Music Box this weekend. "I love Atlantic City," she says on the phone, "and I'm really impressed with Chris Christie and the job he's done with Sandy relief. Jersey is fun. " This represents a big turnaround for the comedienne when it comes to the Garden State. She used to joke in her act that Jersey was so toxic women should get mammograms at the toll booth. "That was years ago," she says, "when I was actually living in New Jersey.

WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama joked Saturday about his plans for a radical second-term evolution from a "strapping young Muslim Socialist" to retiree golfer, all with a new hairstyle like first lady Michelle's. Obama used this year's annual White House Correspondents' Association dinner to poke fun at himself and some of his political adversaries, asking if it was still possible to be brought down a peg after 41/2 years as commander-in-chief. Entering to the rap track "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled, Obama joked about how re-election would allow him to unleash a radical agenda.

Friendly and outgoing, Harmonie delights in laughing at a good joke. What the 9-year-old likes most about herself are her dimples, her height (she's tall), and that she knows how to dance. Harmonie is also good at singing and has not ruled out a career in the music industry. Her favorite subjects in school are computer technology and music. She does well academically and has many friends in school and in her neighborhood. Harmonie dreams of being a billionaire some day. On the way to that goal, however, she plans to finish high school, attend college, and then become a teacher.

LANCASTER - Police say a Pennsylvania man charged in the shooting death of his pregnant girlfriend told officers he had pointed a gun at her several times in the preceding months but was only joking around. Matthew Becker, 23, told state troopers in a recorded statement played Friday in Lancaster County Court that such an action "was never nothing serious. " He is charged in the 2011 shooting deaths of 21-year-old Allison Walsh and her unborn daughter in their home in Mastersonville near Lancaster.

Joan Rivers has refused to apologize for making a Holocaust joke Monday on her E! show, Fashion Police , that has Jewish leaders up in arms. "The last time a German looked this hot," Rivers, 79, said of German-born model Heidi Klum 's tight gold Oscar-night dress, "was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens. " Rivers doubled over laughing while her fellow E! journos looked uncomfortably at her. The Anti-Defamation League has asked Rivers to issue a formal apology, calling her remark "vulgar and offensive to Jews and Holocaust survivors, and indeed to all Americans.

THERE IS A lot to recommend about "Priscilla Queen of the Desert," which concludes its six-day local run Sunday at the Academy of Music. For starters, the flamboyant "jukebox musical," based on the 1994 film of the same name, boasts first-rate staging highlighted by dozens of costumes that fairly vibrate with Technicolor awesomeness. Then there are solid performances by the three lead actors (two portray drag queens, the other a transsexual), a score that boasts more hits than all three "Godfather" movies combined (including such '70s and '80s anthems as "I Will Survive," "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" and "Material Girl")

By day, Jannie L. Blackwell is an oh-so-serious Philadelphia City Council member, known for helping the homeless people who show up at her office and for overseeing her West Philadelphia district like a fiefdom. But Thursday night, she was "Jannie from Cheyney. " Clad in a black-and-white Adidas track suit, bulky gold chain, and sunglasses, the councilwoman - a graduate of Cheyney University - and several staffers did their own version of the Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight. " "And in conclusion / I'd just like to say / I'm Jannie from Cheyney / have a blessed day," she rapped.

Oscar hosts come in two flavors. There are filmdom insiders - Hugh Jackman, Billy Crystal, Steve Martin, etc. - and filmdom outsiders such as David Letterman, Chris Rock, and Jon Stewart. Outsiders tend to favor a scorched-earth approach. Remember Rock's "Who is Jude Law" Oscar gag? "You want Tom Cruise and all you can get is Jude Law? Wait! . . . Why is he in every movie I have seen, the last four years? Even the movies he's not acting in, if you look at the credits, he made cupcakes or something," which got presenter Sean Penn hopping mad?