CollectionsJokes
IN THE NEWS

Jokes

FEATURED ARTICLES
NEWS
October 2, 1987 | By HOWARD SCHNEIDER, Daily News Staff Writer
As jokes go it was a dumb one, even for City Councilman Thacher Longstreth, a connoisseur of cornball humor and practical pranks, and a target of jokes aimed at tall people, Quakers and argyle socks. Still, Longstreth's offhand wisecrack about a "Puerto Rican fireman" to Republican mayoral candidate Frank L. Rizzo, reported in Sunday's Inquirer Magazine, was elevated yesterday to a full-fledged feud over taste and race relations in the mayoral campaign. In a letter to Longstreth, City Councilman Angel Ortiz lambasted the "cruel" remark, and said it echoed the ethnic insensitivity that would flourish if Rizzo defeats Mayor Goode in November.
ENTERTAINMENT
October 23, 1993 | By Clifford A. Ridley, INQUIRER THEATER CRITIC
Ah, children. How often they fail to meet our expectations, yet we love 'em just the same. "You throws the dice," says Walter Gold, the paterfamilias in Jonathan Tolins' new comedy-drama at the Booth Theatre, "and you takes your chances. " But what if you didn't have to take your chances? What if, through prenatal genetic testing, you could identify your kids' predispositions in utero? What if, for instance, you could predict with near-certainty that your son-to-be will grow up (gasp!
NEWS
March 5, 1990 | By Jonathan Storm, Inquirer Staff Writer
His and Hers, the smarmy little sitcom premiering tonight on CBS (Channel 10 at 10:30), stars Martin Mull and Stephanie Faracy. He and she should keep it to themselves. Tonight's riotous theme is getting pregnant. Marty and Steph, newly married marriage counselors, have been trying for six months to no avail. The jokes come from the sperm-count genre: "Your little guys aren't swimming," says the cutie-pie Faracy to Mull. "They're just sort of paddling in place. " Help me, my ribs are aching.
NEWS
February 17, 2013 | By Laura Mills, Associated Press
CHELYABINSK, Russia - As a small army of people worked to replace acres of windows shattered by the enormous explosion from a meteor, many joked Saturday about what had happened in this troubled pocket of Russia. One of the most popular jests: Residents of the meteor were terrified to see Chelyabinsk approaching. The fireball that streaked into the sky over this tough industrial city about sunrise Friday was undeniably traumatic. Nearly 1,200 people were reported injured by the shock wave from the explosion, estimated to be as strong as 20 Hiroshima atomic bombs.
NEWS
September 3, 1987 | Daily News Wire Services
Heeeere's Johnny, up to his tort in a $5 million lawsuit by a Long Island dentist who doesn't think the dentist jokes told by the talk show king are funny. Johnny Carson hit a nerve, says Melville, N.Y., dentist Michael Mendelson in papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court yesterday, when he told viewers of his April 18, 1986, show: "Imagine dentists going out of business. I haven't been so happy about a group disbanding since the Gestapo. " Mendelson fired off a letter to Carson demanding a "smirk-free public apology.
NEWS
May 10, 1999 | by Ann McFeatters
When it seems as if the world is too exhausting to keep up with or too frightening, as it has been lately, it's time to turn to a favorite source of chuckles - our national politicians. It's no longer Washington's little secret, but those late-night TV talk-show hosts wield enormous power. And they wield it relentlessly, night after night. All political consultants tell their bosses here that too long a stretch as the butt of jokes by a Conan O'Brien or a Jay Leno (it used to be called the Johnny Carson rule of politics)
NEWS
October 28, 2011 | By Marie McCullough, Inquirer Staff Writer
University of Pennsylvania orthopedic surgeon John D. Kelly IV says the monthly humor column he writes for a medical trade magazine was due, so he "threw some jokes together" about fat patients. "You should worry about performing surgery on the supersized," Kelly riffed in that August piece, if "there is a comma in your patient's body weight. " Or if a patient "wears his wristwatch on his finger," needs "a blood pressure cuff the size of Montana," or "has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
NEWS
April 11, 1991 | By Clifford A. Ridley, Inquirer Theater Critic
In I Hate Hamlet, which opened April 8 at the Walter Kerr Theater, the jokes racket across the footlights like automatic-weapons fire - good jokes and bad jokes, old jokes and new jokes, New York jokes and California jokes, sex jokes and no-sex jokes, theater jokes and - well, more theater jokes. Many more theater jokes. Will the show play in Peoria? Shoot, it's so inbred that it could barely play the East Side. Still, Paul Rudnick's new comedy is fun while the jokes hold out, which is roughly one act. The cast is agreeable, the premise amusing.
NEWS
May 13, 1998 | Daily News Wire Services
Before Jerry Seinfeld brings his standup to Broadway this summer, he'll fine-tune the act with an out-of-town stint - way out of town. According to sources familiar with the comic's plan, he'll perform in such locations as Iceland and London as a warmup to his limited Broadway run. The show, titled "I'm Telling You for the Last Time," is scheduled to hit New York for a four- or five-day run in August, culminating with an Aug. 9 live telecast...
NEWS
September 28, 2001 | NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Jokes aimed at President Bush, a regular feature on NBC's Saturday Night Live, will be sidelined for this weekend's season opener, executive producer Lorne Michaels says. "We won't do anything that attempts to undermine President Bush's authority or that is in any way disrespectful," Michaels said Wednesday. "We'll try to reflect what the country is thinking and feeling at that moment on the night of Sept. 29," Michaels said. "I think New Yorkers have been resilient, generous and tough through all of this.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next »
ARTICLES BY DATE
ENTERTAINMENT
April 9, 2014 | By Howard Gensler
ISRAEL'S MOST beautiful export, Bar Refaeli , has made a commercial so racy, FoxNews.com says, the country's Second Authority for Television and Radio banned the ad during daytime and prime time. Haaretz newspaper said the move was made because the commercial has "too many sexual insinuations. " Refaeli's co-star? Red Orbach, an Israeli Muppet. The steamy spot shows Bar and Red in bed, with the Muppet fantasizing about the superduperJewpermodel. Multiple images of Bar are then shown washing Red's car, lounging with him in a Jacuzzi and playing strip poker.
NEWS
March 21, 2014 | BY GARY THOMPSON, Daily News Staff Writer thompsg@phillynews.com, 215-854-5992
ABOUT an hour into "Muppets Most Wanted," just about the time you think its morphed into a bad "Bond" movie, up pops a muppet with a set of metal jaws. A la Richard Kiel in "The Spy Who Loved Me," the umpteenth spy movie referenced in the latest Muppet caper, which follows the Bourne-again gang on a world tour that a crook (Ricky Gervais) and a Soviet Kermit look-a-like are using as a front for a series of jewel heists. The tour takes them to Berlin, Madrid, Dublin and London (almost as if Disney is mechanically expanding the brand's global footprint)
SPORTS
February 21, 2014 | BY TOM MAHON, Daily News Staff Writer mahont@phillynews.com
U NIVERSITIES self-report all kinds of violations to the NCAA, the Big Brother of collegiate athletics. But the University of Oklahoma recently took things to extremes. The Oklahoman yesterday reported that the Sooners' compliance office reported that three athletes ate an excessive amount of pasta at a school function last year. No, this not an early April Fools' joke. Here's the entry, dated May 10, 2013: Violation: Three current student-athletes received food in excess of NCAA regulation at a graduation banquet.
NEWS
January 17, 2014 | By Steve and Mia
Q: I gained a lot of weight since getting married 10 years ago, especially after I had my twins. I try to eat right and try to walk when the weather's not bad and I can get away from the kids, but still the pounds have stuck, particularly on my bottom. I'm built like an oversized pear so I wear a lot of leggings and big T-shirts. I'm OK with that but my husband is embarrassed by my size. He makes fun of my butt and laughs about me with his brother. When I hear them, I laugh, too, but on the inside, I'm crying.
ENTERTAINMENT
November 20, 2013 | By Wendy Rosenfield, For The Inquirer
Miracle on South Division Street marks the fourth time Montgomery Theater welcomes playwright Tom Dudzick to its stage, and it's easy to see why his work resonates in the theater's Souderton home. Though his plays are sited in his own hometown of Buffalo, Dudzick writes genial comedies about working- and middle-class people grappling with issues of family and religion in transitioning postindustrial neighborhoods that sound a lot like Souderton. Dudzick's prior work poked at his characters' hearts without really piercing them; he wrote some jokes, added a little metaphysical inquiry, then ran back to the safety of more jokes.
SPORTS
November 20, 2013 | By Zach Berman, Inquirer Staff Writer
During the preseason, coach Chip Kelly felt the need to meet with both Michael Vick and Nick Foles to let them know his decision on the starting quarterback. When Vick is fully healthy, Kelly said he'll meet with both quarterbacks to tell them his choice. But he has not yet had that conversation. "Whenever we get two healthy guys that we need to talk to," Kelly said. Kelly joked that Foles "will be the starter for the bye week," an ode to Kelly's week-to-week decision on quarterback.
NEWS
November 15, 2013
IF YOU were to construct a backward-directed timeline of female performers who flaunted conventions of public behavior and decorum, you'd likely start with Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga , and continue on through Madonna , Marilyn Monroe and Mae West , who was actually jailed for writing and acting in a Broadway show called "Sex" in the 1920s. But that line would end (and, actually, begin) with Sophie Tucker , whose fame has faded as the decades have rolled by, but who is the spiritual forebear of every headline-grabbing show biz femme fatale who has emerged in her wake.
SPORTS
October 25, 2013 | BY TOM MAHON, Daily News Staff Writer mahont@phillynews.com
TERRELL OWENS said he wants to be a professional bowler. Hey, split happens. Let the jokes begin: * We always knew he'd end up in the gutter. * Who knew he had talent to spare? * Someone asked him he if wanted to be a pro bowler and he thought they meant football. * We could have told you he was a pinhead. OK, enough. The former Eagles wide receiver said professional bowling is right up his alley (sorry, couldn't resist). "You never know where it may go," Owens told the Associated Press from Las Vegas where he will compete this weekend in the PBA World Series of Bowling at the South Point Hotel.
SPORTS
September 13, 2013 | BY STEPHEN PIANOVICH, Daily News Staff Writer pianovs@phillynews.com
STATE COLLEGE - Penn State fans were introduced to Bill O'Brien in January 2012, and since then they have seen a matured coach who has guided a program through an unprecendented scenario. Stan Hixon, currently the Nittany Lions' wide receivers coach, met a 25-year-old O'Brien in 1995 when the now-head coach was a graduate assistant at Georgia Tech. O'Brien may be considered a no-nonsense leader now, but Hixon recalled a younger O'Brien who would keep things loose. "He was a comedian," Hixon said.
SPORTS
August 22, 2013 | BY RYAN LAWRENCE, Daily News Staff Writer rlawrence@phillynews.com
THE PHILLIES have struggled to generate runs for most of 2013, so new manager Ryne Sandberg had an idea in the waning moments of Monday's win over the Colorado Rockies: force the opposing pitcher to balk with a runner on third base. Sandberg figured that the Rockies were able to move a couple of runners into scoring position on Monday night that way, well, why not? "Everybody should do that," Sandberg said yesterday. "That's a run scored. That's a run-scoring opportunity, if that's the case.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next »
|
|
|
|
|