Klingon

The houselights dim. The orchestra - his name is Clyde - plays a rousing Western medley. One by one, the members of the troupe gallop onto the stage, riding nonexistent horses, as their legend is told to the audience. Theirs is a rich history carved in the meringue of this nation. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Soubrettes: Jill - a chorus girl who just couldn't stay in line. She was as deli-cate as the lace trim on her petticoat, yet she could be as mean as a moun-tain lion in her menopausal years.

A sterling example of how nothing succeeds like success appears this weekend in the form of a national television tribute to the 25th anniversary of Star Trek. Locally, demonstrating total indifference to the possibility of bad luck, Channel 29 will air 13 hours of Trek TV today and tomorrow. This superlative serving of science-fiction will begin at 11 this morning with six hour-long episodes of the original Star Trek that aired on NBC from 1966 through 1969. The show starred William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, who played Capt.

The shot called for a view from the starship as it plunged at ever- increasing velocity through space. It was the kind of challenge that now delights the high-tech wizards and production designers at George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic, with their Cray supercomputers and multimillion- dollar resources. But back then - in the humble NBC studio where it all started 23 years ago with "Man Trap," the first Star Trek episode - the budget didn't stretch much past a pair of rubber Vulcan ears, a dime-store monster suit and maybe coffee and Danish for the cast.

Let's start by dispensing with some unfair stereotypes about those who would spend the last weekend of summer in the basement of a convention center honoring a television show that was on for three seasons during the 1960s. Not all Trekkies wear black T-shirts and permanent impressions in their posteriors from years spent planted on living room couches. They don't all have those luminous eyes you see on TV addicts and some fishes that dwell miles below sea-level. Some have tans.

- Mr. Spock, preventing Capt. James T. Kirk from hugging him, in "Star Trek V: The Final Frontier" Why would somebody attend a Klingon conference? Specifically, the 17th annual Klingon Language Institute conference ( qep'a' wa'maH SochDich in Klingon)? There are no real Klingons, of course. They are a fictional empire of warrior aliens in Star Trek . But there is a real Klingon language, tlhIngan Hol . It sounds like a recording played backward of a German shepherd gargling yogurt.

Here's this month's challenge; the answers, as always, are at the end. 1. If a Klingon were to utter the words "ja'chuqmeH rojHom neH jaghla'," what, in English, would he or she be saying? 2. Who played Worf's (Michael Dorn) son Alexander in the "Next Gen" episode "Reunion"? 3. Who portrayed Worf's son Alexander in the "Next Gen" episode "Firstborn"? 4. Charles Cooper has played two different Klingons in two different "Trek" incarnations. What are they? 5. Every year, Hallmark produces a "Trek" holiday ornament, many of which have become collectors' items.

Mark Lenard has been traveling through the "Trek" universe for quite some time - and has no intention of ever leaving. The veteran actor played the Romulan commander in the "Trek"-classic episode "Balance of Terror" (1966) and was a Klingon in the feature film "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" (1979). But he is best known to Trekkers for his memorable portrayal of Sarek, Spock's (Leonard Nimoy) father, in the "Trek"-classic episode "Journey to Babel," the animated "Trek" adventure "Yesteryear," several "Trek" films and two "Next Generation" episodes.

Historians tell us they do not know for certain who Shakespeare was. A member of royalty or a commoner? One writer or many writers? Human or Klingon? The latest theory - that the English playwright was really a member of the passionate Star Trek tribe with ridged foreheads - is being promoted by a local club devoted to promoting Klingon culture and language. Based in Flourtown, the Klingon Language Institute boasts membership in more than 30 countries and has just finished a "translation" of Shakespeare's Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

"Deep Space Nine" begins its fourth season the week of Oct. 2 with "The Way of the Warrior," a two-hour outing that welcomes Worf (Michael Dorn), from "Star Trek: The Next Generation," to the space station. "It amazes me that we've been at it this long. I see how far we've come," says Nana Visitor, who plays Major Kira Nerys, in a telephone interview from her home in Hollywood. "This year we're going in new directions, which, although subtle and true to our focus on interpersonal relationships, have the excitement people expect from 'Trek,' too," she adds.

Hab SoSlI' Quch! Translation: Your mother has a smooth forehead! (A vicious Klingon insult) Robyn Stewart, known as Qov by those gathered in the lobby of this suburban hotel, spits when she talks. "nuqneH," she says, her dark eyes wide, the word rising from a tough, guttural place. Her translators, both less proficient in conversational Klingon, scramble through their electronic dictionaries for the meaning: Roughly, "What do you want?" Qov is one of the few people on Earth who is approaching fluency in Klingon, the language spoken by the Star Trek warrior race with the same name.