Martha Stewart

An end table from old computer cases. A skirt from a pillow cover. Candlesticks from decommissioned sink and shower knobs. Offbeat projects, all right, but just a few of the DIY ideas you'll find in ReadyMade, a quarterly publication that takes the starch out of shelter magazines. Bringing humor and irreverence to home improvement, ReadyMade helps Generations X and Y find alternatives to big-brand culture by customizing their lives. "They see themselves as individualists and are very proactive" in lifestyle, editor-in-chief Shoshana Berger, 33, said from her Berkeley, Calif.

Maybe if Martha Stewart had entertained him at her Connecticut estate, if he had lunched on stuffed nicoise tomatoes, perhaps, or nibbled on her almond cakes with fresh fruit, maybe then his take on the maven of hearth and home might not have been so tart. Before Jerry Oppenheimer wrote the just-published Martha Stewart - Just Desserts: The Unauthorized Biography, he said, nothing of substance had been written about her because she'd invite reporters to her home and feed them fabulous meals, all the while charming them with tales of an idyllic childhood in Nutley, N.J. "And that became the Martha Stewart story.

NEW YORK - Macy's chief executive, Terry Lundgren, testified Monday that he hung up on home diva Martha Stewart after she called to inform him on Dec. 6, 2011, that the company that bears her name had inked a deal with J.C. Penney to open shops within most of the chain's stores. He said he hasn't spoken with her since, even though the two used to be good friends. "I was sick to my stomach," Lundgren testified in New York Supreme Court. "I can't remember hanging up on anyone in my life.

Martha Stewart has been charged with lying to the FBI and the Securities Exchange Commission about the sale of her ImClone stocks. Now, in this country we're not guilty if charged. But, if her day in court turns out to be a nightmare, we might soon be reading . . . Martha's Jailhouse Calendar (see graphic on page.)

A VICTORY for the little guy is the way one juror explained his view of the verdict against convict-to-be Martha Stewart. Nothing like snatching down an icon to make us feel better about ourselves. It's something like the feeling the man on the street in Baghdad must have had as they pulled the Saddam statues off their pedestals. Kind of a "ding, dong the witch is dead" thing. I am not a fan of the Butcher of Baghdad, nor did I root for the Wicked Witch of the West when I saw the "Wizard of Oz. " And there is no question in my mind that Martha Stewart is guilty as charged.

Civilization depends on, or simply is, appearance. It's the slight lie, the thin veneer, the cosmetics, the corporate uniform, the etiquette that covers up the hairy mammal each of us is. This is a good thing, within certain limits. I don't necessarily want to follow you into the bathroom or bedroom to witness the full truth of your mammalian being. But it's possible to take the thing too far, to lose the truth completely. Martha Stewart is a symbol of civilization. She's the empress of appearances.

This is when I began to think about faxing Thanksgiving dinner. I am in San Francisco sharing a radio show with Penn, the magician- comedian, and wishing it were Teller. Penn is praising the electronic ties that now bind people. I am praising the interface that requires faces. He is expounding eagerly on the brave new intimacy of Internet. I am saying that it's hard to bring dinner to Mom by modem. He is raving about the worldwide community created by computers. I am explaining how awkward it is to actually touch anyone with a keyboard.

I AIN'T MAD at Martha Stewart. I guess I should be. But I'm not sure why. I think it's because she is unrepentantly rich. I think women with money are supposed to be humble and not buy a lot of stuff. Oprah Winfrey buys a lot of stuff. But humility oozes from her every pore, even when she buys a Caribbean island or pays $5 million to remodel her penthouse on Chicago's Gold Coast. Stewart, on the other hand, comes off as some modern Mary Queen of Scots who steps over the prone bodies of the starving masses in shoes made from the hides of endangered species.

With Saddam out of his spider hole, and now regime change at Martha Stewart's empire, I dunno, I just feel safer somehow. It's reassuring to know that the feds are looking out for us regular folks, tracking down and prosecuting such dastardly enemies of the state. Eliot Ness must be clicking his heels in heaven or wherever the pursuers of evildoers dwell in perpetuity. Sarcasm off. The very weird "bitch hunt" of Martha Stewart, as Rosie O'Donnell put it, summons to mind the 1997 movie Wag the Dog. In the film, the president of the United States is under siege for a sex scandal and invents a war in order to distract the public.

I'M WORRIED that we're suffering from scandal and crisis overload. I'm worried that we're using up so many scandals and crises now that in a few months, when we really need a scandal or crisis, there won't be any left. I'm worried that the current scandal and crisis glut will inevitably lead to a scandal and crisis shortage. Leaf through the Daily News, click on Dan or Tom or Peter, and here's what you see: The terrorism crisis. The Mideast crisis. The Catholic priest sexual misconduct scandal.