Mia

Q: I'm involved with a man who I really love, but he seems to want to keep it as a friends-with-benefits thing. When I tell him how unhappy I am with this arrangement, he says, "I'm free. You're free. What's wrong with that?" I want a committed relationship with him. He wants to keep it the way it started. Should I leave him or should I stay and hope that he'll change? Mia: Girl, you already know what to do. Get the hell out - now. And the next time some man wants you to get into a friends-with-benefits situation, ask yourself if that's what you really want, or whether you're doing it just to win him over.

Q: My spouse has been entangled with a "just a friend" of the opposite sex for years without the knowledge of either of their partners. My spouse doesn't understand my zero tolerance for any interaction with this person when not in my presence. And they both insist her man can't be told about the relationship. Am I wrong? Wouldn't clean, fresh air be a lot better for all four of us? Steve: Her guy could get all Biz Markie and sing, "You, you got what I need, but you say he's just a friend . . . " Other than that, I can't think of any good that could come from telling her man. Mia: Don't believe this "just a friend" crap.

Q: My oldest sister died of cancer in November 2009. It was a really hard time for our family, especially for my older sister. She has not been able to move past it. It hurts me to see her so sad all the time. She refuses counseling and won't talk to her doctor about medications. Mia: Most people respond to requests for help, so lay it on thick. Tell sis you need someone with her style and taste to help you select your wedding dress. Beg her to go. Don't take no for answer. The point is to drag her back into the game by getting her involved in one of the most life-affirming rituals there is. Once you get her attention, broach the idea again about getting medical help.

Q: I recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart after almost 10 years. Long story short, she was in a terrible situation and I offered to help. She moved in with me, and we had a joyous reunion. We started having bumps because I quit smoking weed. It was grossly overdue. I had an amazingly high intake, so the withdrawals (for lack of a better word) made me pretty grouchy. She was a huge help, and I don't know if I could have done it without her. During that time, she decided to go on the Pill.

Q: I'm a 25-year-old man who's tried several Internet dating sites and none of them have worked. They claim to be scientific and only match people who are compatible, but everyone I've met either had nothing in common with me, wasn't attracted to me or went off the grid after one date. I'm ready to give up, but I'm not meeting people through work or social contacts either, so I don't know what to do. STEVE: Don't take it personally. The dating failure rate is enormously high. The people who are most successful are the ones seeking the most opportunities.

Q: The holidays are here, and once again I'm dreading them. My husband's parents are divorced and each insists we visit them on Christmas. My parents are together and, of course, they insist we come to dinner so they can enjoy their grandchildren. My husband's brother always holds a big Christmas Eve bash at his house, which is two hours away. Any suggestion that we skip his party is viewed as an insult. My husband and I both work, and all this makes this time of year a nightmare. We have no time to plan for our own Christmas, usually end up fighting, and if we cut any visits short, our families lay a guilt trip on us. Help!

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. If you'd like an answer to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, PA 19101. Q: I am looking for an older gentleman but don't know where to look. I know you have a younger audience, but believe me, you don't die just because you are a divorced female in her early 60s (see Vanessa Redgrave and Jane Fonda)

The high point of the career of Maya Arulpragrasam - better known as M.I.A. - as a pop provocateur came on the night of the Grammys in 2009. That was when M.I.A., a British agit-rapper of Sri Lankan descent, upstaged Jay-Z, Kanye West, Lil Wayne and T.I. by sashaying across American TV screens in black-and-white polka dots while nine months pregnant to the tune of "Swagga Like Us. " The song's boastful hook - "No one on the corner has swagger like us" - was pulled from "Paper Planes," the hit that turned M.I.A.

Q: I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years. She's been telling me she's 54 the whole time. But that's not why I'm writing. Our sex life was pretty good, but about six months ago she began avoiding oral sex. The rest of our sex life is fine, but I want it back. What do you suggest? Mia: Your girlfriend has been 54 for five years? Dude, you've got bigger problems than her not going downtown, as they say. You need to talk to her. First about being honest with each other and secondly about matters below the belt.

You're a cotton briefs guy? I ask because I'm assuming the skimpy silk trunks belong to some other dude. If that's the case, then you have every right to be alarmed. You have to talk with your wife and find out whose boxers she's been toting around with her. Try to do it in a nonconfrontational way, so she'll open up. If that doesn't work, get counseling. I wish you luck! Steve: I'm sure your wife has a perfectly logical explanation for why you found a push-up bra and some guy's silk boxers in the basement.