Pat Burrell

What are men to do now that Pat Burrell is coming back to town? Hide your women. At least that's the advice of a public service announcement — a spoof and decidedly adult one, at that — now making the rounds on the Internet. Put together by Philadelphia's Bird Text comedy sketch group, the 3-minute video is timed to coincide with Burrell's return to Philadelphia on Saturday to retire as a Phillie. Known as Pat the Bat for more than his slugging prowess, the video plays off his reputation as a ladies' man to evoke a sense of dread — for men at least — over the outfielder's brief return to the team for which he played nine seasons.

What are men to do now that Pat Burrell is coming back to town? Hide your women. At least that's the advice of a public-service announcement - a spoof and a decidedly adult one, at that - now making the rounds on the Internet. Put together by the local comedy sketch group Bird Text, the three-minute video is timed to coincide with Burrell's return to Philadelphia on Saturday to retire as a Phillie. The video plays off Burrell's reputation as a ladies' man (he was known as Pat the Bat for more than his slugging prowess)

TONIGHT, Pat Burrell will throw out the first pitch in San Francisco. On May 19, he will sign a 1-day minor league contract so he can retire a Phillie. For years, Burrell's influence on the organization will be felt. Around Burrell, the Phillies constructed a ballclub that won the last five National League East titles; a club that won the World Series in 2008 and went to another Series in 2009, after Burrell left for Tampa Bay. He was not the best player on any of his Phillies teams.

'FOR THOSE to whom much has been given," Saint Luke tells us in the New Testament, "much is expected. " While the apostle might not be on the Phillies' roster, he certainly can feel Pat Burrell's pain. The highly-rated slugger, currently flirting with a .200 batting average and one of the most prolonged slumps this city has ever seen, is quickly becoming the victim of the kind of great expectations that have ruined the careers of many potential superstars. Just ask Bobby Murcer or Bill Robinson, outfielders who played with the New York Yankees in the late 1960s and were expected to fill the void left by Mickey Mantle's retirement.

CHARLIE MANUEL knew the end was near for Pat Burrell after a conversation last fall, when the former Phillies slugger indicated just how much pain his foot was causing him. "He had a bad arch and trouble with his heel," Manuel said. "I think it got to a place where he actually couldn't play defense or run anymore. I think that was a big reason. He still wanted to play and he still loves to play. " Yesterday, multiple news organizations reported that Burrell has decided to retire after 12 seasons in the majors, nine of them with the Phillies.

ARLINGTON, Texas - After Game 3 of the World Series, the possibility of being benched was posed to Pat Burrell. The San Francisco Giants leftfielder had struck out four times and admitted what poor timing it was for a slump. So he'd understand any move his manager, Bruce Bochy, decided to make. "I'd be disappointed, of course," Burrell said. "Could I blame him? Probably not. " Bochy slept on it and came to Rangers Ballpark on Sunday morning with his choice: It was time to bench Burrell, for at least one day. "He's a big reason why we're here," Bochy said, "but he also understands and he admits that his timing is off a little bit. " That might be an understatement.

ARLINGTON, Texas - Pat Burrell was soaked in champagne Monday night, but he had little to do with making the corks pop. Except for winning the World Series, really, he had a season to forget. In fact, as Burrell waited his turn to touch the Commissioner's Trophy for the second time in 3 years, he had a hard time remembering the beginning of his climb from baseball's trash heap. He beamed, exultant, a champion again, and he was asked to compare his feelings: June 1, digging in against Kevin Pucetas in Las Vegas, vs. his feeling exactly 5 months later, celebrating here on the field at Rangers Ballpark in Texas.

One of the most eagerly awaited moments in Phillies history will occur tonight when Pat Burrell, the franchise's most ballyhooed prospect ever, digs his spikes into the batter's box at Enron Field. Burrell, the No. 1 pick in the 1998 draft, was called up from triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre yesterday. He was scheduled to arrive in Houston late last night and will debut in the Phillies lineup tonight against the Houston Astros and righthander Octavio Dotel. Burrell will start at first base, and manager Terry Francona expects to bat him sixth.

Elvis' master has left the building. Pat Burrell's 11-year tenure as a member of the Phillies organization officially ended yesterday when the free-agent slugger signed a two-year, $16 million contract with the Tampa Bay Rays, the team he helped beat in the World Series in October. Burrell, 32, will be the Rays' designated hitter. He leaves the Phillies ranked third on the franchise's all-time list with 251 home runs. Only Mike Schmidt, with 548, and Del Ennis, with 259, hit more as Phillies.

A couple of times last season, Phillies leftfielder Pat Burrell found himself on the telephone with Mark McGwire. The first time they spoke, Burrell barely uttered a word. "This is going to be the best year of your life," the former slugger told Burrell. "You're not going to believe all you're going to learn about yourself. You'll be better because of this. " McGwire hit .201 with 22 home runs and 75 RBIs in 1991, but rebounded in 1992 to hit .268 with 42 homers and 104 RBIs.

Cat Burrell (right) — yes he's named for recently retired Phillies slugger Pat Burrell — is a handsome 4-year-old tabby. His $35 adoption fee includes neutering, vaccinations and a free month of pet insurance. Visit the Pennsylvania SPCA at 350 E. Erie Ave. Or visit the PSPCA's website at www.pspca.org to learn more about how to adopt Cat Burrell or other animals and to download an application.

What are men to do now that Pat Burrell is coming back to town? Hide your women. At least that's the advice of a public-service announcement - a spoof and a decidedly adult one, at that - now making the rounds on the Internet. Put together by the local comedy sketch group Bird Text, the three-minute video is timed to coincide with Burrell's return to Philadelphia on Saturday to retire as a Phillie. The video plays off Burrell's reputation as a ladies' man (he was known as Pat the Bat for more than his slugging prowess)

What are men to do now that Pat Burrell is coming back to town? Hide your women. At least that's the advice of a public service announcement — a spoof and decidedly adult one, at that — now making the rounds on the Internet. Put together by Philadelphia's Bird Text comedy sketch group, the 3-minute video is timed to coincide with Burrell's return to Philadelphia on Saturday to retire as a Phillie. Known as Pat the Bat for more than his slugging prowess, the video plays off his reputation as a ladies' man to evoke a sense of dread — for men at least — over the outfielder's brief return to the team for which he played nine seasons.

SAN FRANCISCO - Last November, Frank Coppenbarger sent a text message to Pat Burrell. Coppenbarger, the Phillies' longtime director of travel and clubhouse services, floated the idea of Burrell returning to Philadelphia sometime during the 2012 season for a retirement ceremony. Burrell had witnessed similar events for Doug Glanville and Mike Lieberthal. He was intrigued by the idea but unsure whether he wanted the added attention as he adapts to life without the daily routine of baseball.

TONIGHT, Pat Burrell will throw out the first pitch in San Francisco. On May 19, he will sign a 1-day minor league contract so he can retire a Phillie. For years, Burrell's influence on the organization will be felt. Around Burrell, the Phillies constructed a ballclub that won the last five National League East titles; a club that won the World Series in 2008 and went to another Series in 2009, after Burrell left for Tampa Bay. He was not the best player on any of his Phillies teams.

PAT BURRELL will officially retire as a Phillie during the Boston Red Sox series at Citizens Bank Park in May, the team announced. Burrell, 35, will sign a 1-day minor league contract with the Phillies. He will be honored before the Saturday, May 19 game by throwing out the ceremonial first pitch. Burrell retired in the offseason because of a chronic foot injury that limited him to 92 games with a .230 average last season with San Francisco. " 'Hesitant' isn't the right word - I just don't like to make a big deal about things," Burrell told MLB.com about returning to Philly.

If small ball or whatever-you-want-to-call-it ball is going to work for the Phillies, they're going to have to be able to win games with their legs sometimes. Which brings us to this question: Can they? "We haven't stolen a lot of bases, but we have [speed]," general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. said before the Phillies' series finale Thursday against the Miami Marlins. Overshadowed by Freddy Galvis' two-run double and Roy Halladay's gritty seven innings during Wednesday night's win over the Marlins was the fact that the Phillies stole three bases and took advantage of misplays and inaccurate throws to advance a base.

KISSIMMEE, Fla. - At some point within the next 3 weeks, Charlie Manuel and Ruben Amaro Jr. will call Domonic Brown into an office and inform him that he is headed back to the minor leagues. Like any talented 24-year-old who is told he is not good enough, Brown will be disappointed. You just have to hope he will understand. Which is why these last 3 weeks have played out about as well as the Phillies could have expected. Don't think so? Heading into spring training, there were two worst-case scenarios: Scenario 1: Brown turns into the Grapefruit League's Carl Yastrzemski and makes a serious case for Opening Day roster consideration.

CLEARWATER, Fla. - It all started with Raul Ibanez. After winning the 2008 World Series, the Phillies decided to let their 31-year-old leftfielder, Pat Burrell, walk as a free agent. With his nagging injuries, Burrell seemed to be beyond his best years. That perception turned out to be accurate. Burrell hit .235 with 41 homers over the last three years and retired. But who did the Phillies sign to replace their fading outfielder? Ibanez, who was 36 at the time. It was a sound baseball move - Ibanez hit .264 with 70 homers for three division winning teams - but it also made the Phillies five years older at that position.