Paula Abdul

After each of the 12 mid-tempo dance songs she performed at the Spectrum on Wednesday, Paula Abdul emitted a sharp, triumphant "ha!" It was a sound of personal celebration, a gloating "I showed 'em" laugh meant to convey the impression of a woman in total control. But instead of having the desired effect, her declaration was just another sign that, in matters of live performance, Abdul is clueless. And frightened. Abdul has gone to great lengths to mask her shortcomings as a vocalist, as her Disney-fied stage show - which casts her as tramp, virgin, aloof lounge singer, tap dancer and party girl - illustrates.

Paula Abdul: I'm not wack In an always fascinating, surreal, and at times vaudevillian interview with TV Guide, the much maligned American Idol judge Paula Abdul says she's no harebrained doofus strung out on pills. The star of a new reality show all about Paula called Hey Paula , Paula mines a seriously deep narcissistic vein and basically claims she's some kind of prophet. "I've endured life journeys that people never in a million years would ever think of experiencing," Paula says about the bumps in her life, which have included an airplane crash, a car accident, a nasty divorce from Emilio Estevez , and a killer eating disorder.

Another day in Splitsville. Former Lakers gal Paula Abdul filed for divorce yesterday from Emilio Estevez after two years of marriage. "It's with tremendous reluctance and great sadness that I've taken this action," Abdul, 31, said in a statement. "Although our marriage did not work out, I have great affection and both personal and professional respect for Emilio. I know that we'll continue to be supportive of each other in the future and that our friendship will go on. " Estevez, 32, had no comment.

PAULA ABDUL may act like she's on drugs and her musical taste, or lack thereof, may indicate drug use, but the "American Idol" head cheerleader tells People she's "not addicted to pills of any kind. " "If people only knew what I've gone through with pain and pills," Abdul tells the mag. "I'm dancing for joy at the fact that not even a year ago I was in so much pain I could barely get up. " Last November, doctors told Abdul straight up that she suffered from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, a chronic neurological disorder that causes severe pain.

Paula Abdul splashed onto the music scene in 1988 with the grace of a street-smart Ginger Rogers and the pipping charm of Shirley Temple. Fueled by her oft-televised music videos, Abdul's "Forever Your Girl" debut album captivated fans worldwide. Twelve million copies later, the album's title took on the ring of an assured manifesto. But two events threatened to bring Abdul's run of success to an abrupt halt. First, a backup singer claimed she contributed uncredited lead vocals to two songs on Abdul's debut album.

JESSICA SIMPSON. That's who should replace Paula Abdul on "American Idol. " She has a musical background, but is not especially talented; she has a clothing line, a soap-opera life of troubled relationships and she's wifty as all get-out. Wait, maybe she already is Paula Abdul. As the whole world has no doubt heard, America's loopiest judge is leaving the bench. Paula is out at "American Idol. " She made the announcement on her Twitter feed Tuesday night.

Choosing the next American Idol can wreak serious havoc on the social life. Just ask Paula Abdul. The former dancer-singer-cheerleader will team up with Dr. Phil to find her latest beau on Love Smart, a CBS prime-time special scheduled to air (Channel 3, 9 p.m.) on Valentine's Day, Feb. 14. Dr. Phil and Abdul will "explore the life of an unmarried international celebrity who is looking for love. " Hopefully, they won't find it the herds of wannabe Idols singing their hearts out in front of Ms. Abdul, Randy Jackson, and meanster Simon Cowell.

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Lifetime hasn't yet picked up "Drop Dead Diva" (9 p.m. Sundays) for Season 3, but Paula Abdul's already on board as a guest star. Make that in bed. The former "American Idol" judge, a recurring guest star as an actual judge in some of the dreams of lawyer Jane Bingum (Brooke Elliott), not only appears in the show's two-hour season finale on Aug. 29, but she'll also be in next season's premiere, "Diva" creator Josh Berman said Tuesday night. The finale, Berman said, "starts with our best dance number yet and it ends with an amazing cliff-hanger.

In a stunning turn of events sure to send shock waves through the entertainment industry for generations to come, Simon "Darth Vader" Cowell has fired Paula Abdul - yes, Paula! - from her position as judge on Fox's The X Factor . But Paula isn't the only victim to be cruelly ejected from Si's Death Star: Host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger also are out. It's shocking, considering that Si personally wooed and wheedled and begged Paula to join the show after American Idol gave her the heave-ho.

Oprah 'embarrassed' by weight gain It can't be easy to be the nation's conscience. Yet Oprah Winfrey, 54, plays the role with such grace. So it's doubly hard to hear that our perfect paradigm of personhood has gained 40 pounds. "I'm mad at myself" for falling "off the wagon," O says in a brave declaration (so full of self-recrimination!) in the new edition of O. The talk-show host, who now weighs 200 pounds (and has a body mass index of 31.8, which is obese), details her recent struggle with an out-of-balance thyroid that has instilled in her "a fear of working out. " She's hard on herself: "I'm embarrassed.

Madonna - you know, the 1980s and '90s pop superstar who got upstaged Sunday at her own Super Bowl party by M.I.A. 's middle finger - will open her U.S. tour in Philly at the Wells Fargo Center on Aug. 28. She'll also play Yankee Stadium in New York on Sept. 6 and Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City on Sept. 15. Before she makes it to the United States, Madonna - whose new album MDNA comes out March 26 - will play a series of dates in the Middle East and Europe, starting in Tel Aviv, Israel, on May 29. Tickets for the Philly date go on sale Monday at 10 a.m. Info: 1-800-298-4200 or http://comcasttix.com/ .   Simon Cowell talks turkey . . . . . . or at least Paula Abdul . That'd be the beloved woman he and his corporate bosses just fired from The X Factor . Cowell tells celeb news show Extra that the order to make roster changes, which also included cutting Paula's fellow judge Nicole Scherzinger and host Steve Jones , came fast and hard.

In a stunning turn of events sure to send shock waves through the entertainment industry for generations to come, Simon "Darth Vader" Cowell has fired Paula Abdul - yes, Paula! - from her position as judge on Fox's The X Factor . But Paula isn't the only victim to be cruelly ejected from Si's Death Star: Host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger also are out. It's shocking, considering that Si personally wooed and wheedled and begged Paula to join the show after American Idol gave her the heave-ho.

Fox's X Factor whittled down to a dozen acts Tuesday night, and a high school senior from the Shore has a shot to win a share of the $5 million top prize. Not to mention the super-sized boost toward stardom that comes from such mega-exposure on TV. She's Cari Fletcher, 17, of Wall Township, between Point Pleasant and Asbury Park, and one of four young women in Lakoda Rayne, a group created from promising - and strikingly attractive - solo performers. The others are Dani Knights, 22, of Santa Clarita, Calif.; Paige Ogle, 18, of Baltimore; and Hayley Orrantia, 17, of Highland Village, Texas.

NEWARK, N.J. - At auditions filmed Thursday before a live audience for "The X Factor," Simon Cowell seemed to want people to move on from the shake-up on the show's judges panel replacing British pop singer Cheryl Cole with American counterpart Nicole Scherzinger. "It wasn't really such a big deal as everybody thought. . . . Truth is you've got to move on. It's about the contestants. They've got no interest in us bickering," Cowell said at the auditions in New Jersey. Earlier in the week, Fox and producers announced Cole was out and Scherzinger, who originally was signed on to co-host the show, would slide over to the judges table alongside Cowell, Paula Abdul and L.A. Reid.

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Lifetime hasn't yet picked up "Drop Dead Diva" (9 p.m. Sundays) for Season 3, but Paula Abdul's already on board as a guest star. Make that in bed. The former "American Idol" judge, a recurring guest star as an actual judge in some of the dreams of lawyer Jane Bingum (Brooke Elliott), not only appears in the show's two-hour season finale on Aug. 29, but she'll also be in next season's premiere, "Diva" creator Josh Berman said Tuesday night. The finale, Berman said, "starts with our best dance number yet and it ends with an amazing cliff-hanger.

Abdul exposes fridge raids! OK, so Paula Abdul, late of American Idol's crack judging panel, discovered current judge Kara DioGuardi. She even had KD move in with her. Best buds. Roommates. But tragedy struck. Turns out KD has a bizarre penchant for sleepwalking to the fridge and raiding same. Abdul told Fox: "I'd wake up in the morning, and I thought, 'Did my dog do this?' There was food on the ground. 'What the heck?' I thought. But she would have no recollection that she did it. " Abdul asked Kara's pals about KD's somnolent scarf-fests.

AMERICAN television - or at least the Fox network - has achieved homeostasis. Don't look it up. We'll explain by example. First, talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres was announced as the crucial replacement for Paula Abdul on "American Idol. " DeGeneres, like Abdul, always seems to be appraising things through some kind of smiley, happy cloud where everybody's great. Though unlike Abdul's, DeGeneres' optimism appears genuine, not chemically induced. They both like to dance, too. Get the symmetry here?

TATTLE IS beginning to smell a rat at "American Idol. " If the report in Britain's News of the World is true, it seems as if loopy Paula Abdul, whose nurturing and nuttiness helped build the show into a phenomenon, may have been a mere pawn in another lame attempt to re-re-launch the Victoria Beckham brand in America. According to various reports during Paula's negotiations, she had been offered between $3 million and $5 million per year to stay on and was allegedly seeking $10 million (a fraction of what Simon Cowell gets to buy black T-shirts)

JESSICA SIMPSON. That's who should replace Paula Abdul on "American Idol. " She has a musical background, but is not especially talented; she has a clothing line, a soap-opera life of troubled relationships and she's wifty as all get-out. Wait, maybe she already is Paula Abdul. As the whole world has no doubt heard, America's loopiest judge is leaving the bench. Paula is out at "American Idol. " She made the announcement on her Twitter feed Tuesday night.