January 9, 2000 |
The following memo was distributed to the Lower Halfwydd School District last Tuesday by Norman Querb, the head of the school board: Dear Fellow Board Members: I don't have to tell you all what a trying period this has been for all of us charged with running the Lower Halfwydd School District. There was that enormous stink over the fact that kindergarten classes were being held in the bus garage in the afternoons. Then came the reports in the Halfwydd Picayune about the Middle School String Ensemble having to use kazoos for half a year.
December 20, 1999 |
Decisions, decisions. . . Let's say you're one of the lucky swells who got an invitation to President Clinton's huge New Year's Eve party at the White House. Let's also say you've had your eye on that hot on-line auction at Playboy.com. The nudie mag is selling off a pair of tix to ring in the new year with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion in L.A. At last report, the asking price had reached $12,500. Which should you attend? It's a tough call. . . The host White House: Sex-crazed commander-in-chief Playboy Mansion: Sex-crazed editor-in-chief The chicks WH: Hillary, Tipper, Elizabeth Taylor PM: Miss August, Miss April.
October 13, 1999 |
Legends, they say, die hard. In the case of Wilt Chamberlain, we can only imagine. After all, by his own account,he was the world's greatest lover. Others will praise the glory of his athletic career. They'll quote his NBA statistics: 31,419 points, nearly 24,000 rebounds. They'll remember how he once scored 100 points in a single game. But there is one other number, and it is the one that everyone remembers with awe: 20,000. It is the number of women he once claimed he had made love to since he was a high schooler at Overbrook.
March 14, 1999 |
Jake Engel won last week's pi memorization contest at South High School in Fargo, N.D., by reciting the never-ending number to 1,001 digits. The number, which equals the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter, is usually rounded off to 3.14. "It really didn't take too much work," said Engel, 16. "I stepped it up a little toward the end and learned 500 digits in the last four days. It kind of became an obsession. It's a wonder I can remember my own phone number. " Arbin Timilsina, recently certified to climb Mount Everest, says he'll make an assault this spring in an attempt to become the youngest person ever to reach the top of the world's tallest mountain.
January 30, 1993 |
Turf Man is at it again. "We still have a lot of work to do; it's coming down to the wire," said George Toma, who is charged with creating the ideal playing field for tomorrow's Super Bowl game, between the Buffalo Bills and the Dallas Cowboys at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif. Two weeks ago, Toma salvaged the turf at San Francisco's Candlestick Park, transforming it from slop to grass in time for the NFC championship game. The Rose Bowl is nowhere as messy as Candlestick, but Toma says this job is more stressful because thousands of people tromp on the field daily.
June 18, 1991 |
Things I'd like to hear but won't: FROM PETE ROSE "Come here kid, I'll sign that for free. " "Damned right I'm excited; today I auction off my prison work shirt. " FROM NASA "Everything's a go. " "On the way back, you guys want to swing over the Playboy Mansion and try out that new zoom lens. " FROM ANY RAP GROUP "What do you say we try learning some instruments?" "I finally got a chance to listen to some of those old Motown records last night, and we might be making some changes . . . you guys ever hear of the word harmony?"
June 29, 1989 |
Hugh Hefner, the longtime playboy of the western world, is getting married for a second time this weekend. The 63-year-old founder of Playboy magazine will wed 1988 Playmate of the Year Kimberley Conrad, 26, Saturday afternoon at the Playboy Mansion in exclusive Holmby Hills outside Los Angeles. About 450 guests will then party the night away beneath a huge white tent alongside the mansion's exotic grotto. "It was the kind of thing I felt quite certain would never happen in my life," Hefner said.
April 18, 1989 |
No less an authority than Jessica Hahn declared yesterday that religion in this nation is in bed with the government. "You wouldn't believe what I have learned about the political ties with religion," the former church secretary said in Charlotte, N.C., where she gave a closed-door, 2 1/2-hour deposition in a class-action suit against PTL and Jim Bakker. "They have the IRS, the FBI and the CIA all involved. As far as church and state go, there is no separation. That's dead. They work hand-in-hand.
January 30, 1989 |
LOVE AND MARRIAGE. Only one-third of those who married in the mid-1970s are still happy with their spouses. So says Norval Glenn, a University of Texas sociologist, whose study of declining marital happiness will be published in the National Journal of Sociology in March. Similar studies done in the 1970s showed that 50 percent of people married in the '60s were still together and happy. LAUGH THERAPY. A laugh a day truly might keep the doctor away. Swedish researchers put six women suffering from painful musculoskeletal disorders and feeling depressed through 13 "humor group" sessions featuring jokes, books, films and other material unrelated to their illness.