Single Parent

Always, the simple situations get you, says Beverly Tucker. Going to a barbershop with your son. Buying him sneakers. Playing catch with him. Then come the big ones - fighting for child support, paying mounds of bills alone month after month, finding time to simply relax. They sometimes break you. Yesterday, Tucker and about 40 other black women, many raising children alone, gathered at Temple University to discuss such problems and find some solutions at a conference titled "A Call to Action: In Support of Black, Single Female Heads of Households.

NBC's new comedy, Ann Jillian, tries to be as spunky and cute as its star, but the spunk sinks and the cute curdles, and the show (8:30 tonight, Channel 3) turns out ordinary. Jillian is cute single parent Ann Malone, trying to raise cute daughter Lucy (Lisa Reiffel) in sunny California, where they've moved from tough New York. Now that her firefighter husband has been killed, she finds it hard to get credit to refinance the cute new house, so using her big-city spunk, she sets out to get a job. We've seen this stuff before.

My husband left when my daughter was 2. My family helps me, and there's good day care at work. Maybe I'm weird, but sometimes I feel it's easier to raise her by myself. Attitude is everything, and one-parent families needn't be all gloom and doom. Certainly it's difficult to be a single working parent, but there are heartening aspects. Since one-parent families are increasing, perhaps it's best to enjoy the sweetness in life as it is, instead of yearning for what once was. According to 1990 U.S. Census Bureau statistics, the number of two-parent families decreased by 1.2 percent in the last decade, but the number of one-parent families increased by 40.9 percent.

The 36 graduates sheltered the small flames of their Florence Nightingale lamps with cupped hands. Pristine in their crisp, white nursing uniforms, they prepared to receive their diplomas. To many, the Ladder of Opportunity program at the Presbyterian Medical Center of Philadelphia had been like their own protective hands. It was a haven that sheltered their aspirations for education, a different career and, for many, a renewed life. The Ladder of Opportunity program trains practical nurses and nursing assistants.

Bill Lyman sorts socks. His wife slings an M-16. He helps little Billy with his spelling. She worries about Scuds. He vacuums. She sticks IVs in wounded soldiers. Bill Lyman, 61, is Mr. Mom at home in New Jersey. His wife, Lt. Rita Lyman, 39, a nurse attached to a neurosurgical unit 20 miles from the Kuwaiti border, is a soldier. She may be at war, but so far he's the one with all the battles. Like Monday night. "This is it," he explained, wiping up the ground beef 8-year-old Billy had spilled on the kitchen floor.

A uniform policy that went into effect today at Northeast High School has irritated some parents who say they weren't notified of it until it was too late to do anything about it. In a letter sent to parents in August, the school's principal said the uniform will "reflect school pride" and help easily identify students. But some argue that Linda Carroll, who has been principal there for three years, is suddenly enforcing a uniform policy that went into effect districtwide nine years ago only because Tony Danza's reality show, "Teach," started filming there in September.

I, LIKE MANY Pennsylvanians, just received $52 less in my paycheck. This is five times last year's $10 town occupancy tax. I want to know what Gov. Rendell and every legislator who voted for this 420 percent hike would say to a single parent working full time at minimum wage who makes about $185 a week, but who now must try to feed, clothe and shelter their child for $132 this week. Mike Slye Media

Ozzie and Harriet don't live here anymore. Not in Philadelphia, anyhow. Latest Census data indicate that most suburban families (81 percent) still have a mom and dad - but within the city, for the first time, single-parent households are the majority (51 percent). We'll leave the reasons to the sociologists. What should concern us more than the whys and wherefores is what this means to the children - and to the community at large. For one thing, single-parent families are more likely to be poor than traditional households.

Move over, Murphy Brown. At a time when Americans are redefining the family, single-father families are growing at a faster rate than any other family type - including those headed by single mothers. A study for the federal government by economists Daniel Meyer and Steven Garasky has found that the number of single-father families has increased sharply since 1973. Between 1973 and 1989 the number of father-only families increased by 242 percent. In the same period, families headed by mothers increased by 62 percent, while married couples with children declined by 2 percent.

Chester County Human Services officials are laying the groundwork for a unique housing program designed to help single-parent families get off public welfare and gain economic independence. The key to the program, called Project Self Sufficiency, is that a wide range of social services will be coordinated and made available to clients. The incentive, according to program director Barbara Wilson, is that subsidized rent vouchers will be given to clients who obtain job training and actively pursue other support services they need to become independent of the welfare system.

Dannielle Smith didn't know what else to do, so she reached out to me. I'm glad she did. Because I can at least share her story as a cautionary tale. Imagine if you are a working single parent new to the area. You register your child for the school's aftercare program. Any parent should have a reasonable expectation that an adult in authority would make sure their kid gets from the classroom to the cafeteria - where the aftercare program is housed - without incident.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died four years ago. He and Mom had many friends and did everything together, including raising nine children. Mom was always in charge of things. Dad reinforced any decisions she made and vice versa. Since his death, Mom has become progressively more bitter. Eight children are alive today, and we all avoid her if we can. She cries because no one stops by to see her, but if we do, she has a long chore list waiting. I have my own home, work two jobs and don't want what little time I have with her spent working as her slave.

Do you want your child to end up being good with money? Some parents assume that unless they are savvy about business and the stock market, they won't be able to position their children on the right course. But it turns out that the basics that build success with money are much simpler than that. "It's about learning to delay gratification," said Beth Kobliner, an adviser to Sesame Street and a member of the President's Advisory Council on Financial Capability. The simple lessons should be taught to children when they are about 3 years old, according to academic research used in developing segments on money for Sesame Street . The public-TV program has become a pioneer in financial literacy, a hot topic as Americans deal with excessive debt and homes they can't afford and approach retirement with far less money than they will need.

HELEN Wilhelmina Robinson believed so strongly that early education helps to reduce adult illiteracy, she established an award for accomplished third-graders at the schools her children attended. She named the award after her parents, William T. and Mattie B. Robinson, and it went to the most-improved third-grade reader at her childrens' schools. Helen Robinson, retired administrative assistant at the health-and-benefits management firm Towers Perrin Forster & Crosby, and a strong family matriarch and devoted churchwoman, died April 24 of complications of the respiratory ailments she endured most of her adult life.

NEWBURGH, N.Y. - A 10-year-old boy clambered out the window of a minivan and swam to shore after his mother on Tuesday drove into the frigid Hudson River, killing herself and her three other children, officials said yesterday. Lashaun Armstrong was the only survivor after his mother, Lashanda Armstrong, plunged the van into the river in this gritty city of 30,000 people, 60 miles north of New York City. When the van hit the water about 8 p.m., it was just past high tide and the Hudson was flowing swiftly to the south, pulling the vehicle 25 yards out into the rain-swollen river, Fire Chief Michael Vatter said.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Suzie," spent the weekend at our home, bringing along her boyfriend of six months. This was "Liam's" first visit. I allowed them to share Suzie's old bedroom, which we have converted into a family office. We keep a large futon in there for my daughter when she comes to visit. I didn't make a big deal out of where Liam and Suzie should sleep because I didn't want to embarrass them, and I was sure there would be no "hanky-panky" because our bedroom is right across the hall.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been married to "Bob" for five years. The problem is, I'm in love with his 53-year-old father. I have always been attracted to "Charlie," but my feelings have escalated since Bob's mother died last year. After the funeral, Charlie was lonely and started coming to our house. Most of the time Bob was at work, so Charlie and I became very close. At one family get-together, Charlie kissed me passionately in the kitchen when no one was around. I don't know what to do. I think I am seriously in love with Charlie, but my husband is a wonderful man and I would never want to hurt him. If I tell Bob the truth, not only will it destroy our marriage, but forever ruin Bob's relationship with his father.

From Schools Superintendent Arlene Ackerman and District Attorney Seth Williams to children's advocate Shelly Yanoff, speakers told a state Senate committee yesterday that getting parents involved is crucial to reducing youth violence. They praised Sen. Anthony H. Williams' proposed parent-accountability bill that would provide legal leverage to educate parents about their responsibilities and help stem juvenile crime. But some criticized the draft language and raised questions about sections calling for fines or jail time for some parents if their children commit crimes.

RE THE article about mandatory uniforms at Northeast High, and one particular parent who was so upset about it: I'm also a single parent. I put my two daughters through Catholic school by, at times, working three jobs. They wore uniforms that I paid for, as well as hefty tuition. I made it work. I thought it was important for my daughters to get a valuable education, and it's paid off. Stephanie Cruel seems to think she shouldn't have to pay for her daughter's uniforms, which she doesn't think necessary.

A uniform policy that went into effect today at Northeast High School has irritated some parents who say they weren't notified of it until it was too late to do anything about it. In a letter sent to parents in August, the school's principal said the uniform will "reflect school pride" and help easily identify students. But some argue that Linda Carroll, who has been principal there for three years, is suddenly enforcing a uniform policy that went into effect districtwide nine years ago only because Tony Danza's reality show, "Teach," started filming there in September.