Socks

This topic was suggested by a letter from John Cog of Norfolk, Va. Here's the entire text: "How come when I'm standing in front of a full-length mirror with nothing on but socks, white socks look OK, but dark-colored socks make me look cheap and sleazy?" This letter was passed along to me by my Research Department, Judi Smith, who attached a yellow stick-on note that says: "This is true. " Judi did not say how she happens to know it's true; apparently - and I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation - she has seen John Cog of Norfolk, Va., wearing nothing but socks.

Remember when you were a child and went to the men's section of a department store and had a package of white BVDs wrapped for a Father's Day gift? And how about the time you went to the local five-and-dime and bought three pairs of stretch socks in black, brown and blue and gave them to dear old Dad with a crayon-drawn Father's Day card? Oh, and neckties! Remember the horribly ugly ties you found in the men's department and how Dad always smiled, pretending to like them? He even wore them once or twice before consigning them to the back of his tie rack.

The most compelling chapter in Jim Thome's return to his old Cleveland Indians stamping ground yesterday was not the reception he got from the fans or his former teammates. It was the tribute he received from his new teammates. You've heard of rolling out the red carpet? This was similar, only with baseball socks. Phillies players, some of whom were not even supposed to make the trip to this central Florida town, rolled up their pants and featured the high-socks look that Thome has made his signature over 12 years in the majors.

Police hope a pair of white socks with a lime-green stripe will help them find the man who broke into a 91-year-old Northeast Philadelphia woman's apartment and sexually assaulted her last weekend. The man apparently climbed onto a third-floor balcony of the apartment building in the 9800 block of Bustleton Avenue and entered the woman's apartment through an unlocked patio door late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, said Lt. Michael Boyle of the Special Victims Unit. The man, wearing a stocking pulled halfway down over his head, threatened to kill the woman, police said.

It's a sunny, glorious day at St. Davids Golf Club in Wayne, and wedged between the 4th hole and the tennis courts are what look like two dozen fraternity brothers, but better dressed and not playing beer pong. Without warning, one of the guys sneaks up and dumps two cups of water on another guy's socks, sending the group into hysterics. "We pretty much do anything to pass the time," said Mark Baker, 22, who like the rest is wearing a bright red polo with crest and khaki shorts, resembling Lego people or someone who just hit the last-call sale at Abercrombie.

We are entering a new era (cue space-age music) - the age of the sock. That's right, socks in sexy stripes and eye-catching argyles are men's accessory of choice this winter. Ankles never looked so good. "They add a little flavor to my clothes," said Irving D. Smith, a 54-year-old SEPTA police officer who favors multicolored stripes. "I get lots of compliments on them, especially when I sit down. " So natty. The focus on manly footwear this fall comes from the British influence on men's clothing, a combination eclectic/preppy look that favors pants hemmed shorter to show off polished shoes and, well, socks.

So where do the socks go? Don't roll your eyes. A million pundits have made a million jokes about missing socks from the laundry. Erma Bombeck did a hysterical, wry piece on it. The joke's been tackled, badly at times, but the mystery never solved. You know the scenario: Woman puts a pair of socks in the laundry. (It could be a man doing the laundry. But the image of a man actually doing housework is far too distracting to lend humor to the anecdote.) Woman brings laundry upstairs.

MAYBE HAVING all the toys isn't the best idea. As my buddy Chuck Darrow wrote about in these pages Wednesday, NBC 10 recently debuted a new helicopter called SKYFORCE 10 (all caps!) But on a Tuesday broadcast, reporter Christine Maddela and her crew got more than they bargained for: some doggy porn. Maddela was reporting on an alleged dogfighting ring in Germantown when the camera zoomed in on the backyard only to catch one dog mounting another. Bow chick-a wow wow . "You can see that one dog is . . . uh . . . chained up . . . , " Maddela said, trying to draw focus away from the copulating pooches.

Former Clinton national security adviser Sandy Berger is under investigation for walking off with sensitive terrorism documents. He's suspected of hiding them in his pockets and shoes. Our advice: Put in a call to Johnnie Cochran. If the socks don't fit, they will convict.

It was certainly a bad morning for Matt Chapis, who had to flee his family's home in the 7200 block of Clinton Road, Upper Darby, in his socks when a fire broke out at 8 a.m. His house and the adjoining home were damaged in the blaze.