Ted Danson

Whoopi Goldberg laughed, as did most of the audience at her Friars Club roast in New York City. But boyfriend Ted Danson's appearance in blackface and his racially peppered jokes angered Mayor David Dinkins, talk show host Montel Williams and others. "I was confused as to whether or not I was at a Friars event or at a rally for the KKK and Aryan Nation," Williams said in a telegram to the Friars. Friars' roasts traditionally are no-holds-barred affairs at which the guest of honor is skewered by jokes that often are crude.

Glenn Close? Never a big fan of her work. She always struck me as hammy and self-satisfied. And Ted Danson? It's been all downhill for him since he played Sam Malone on Cheers. So, it's somewhat surprising to see them both turning in such mesmerizing performances on Damages, she as cutthroat lawyer Patty Hewes, he as unscrupulous billionaire Arthur Frobisher. (Isn't Frobisher the name Mad Magazine always used to mock the stuffed shirt or the muddled consumer?) But Danson and Close are the only reasons to watch the FX legal thriller.

Conan (11 p.m., TBS) - Ryan Gosling; Nicole Scherzinger. Late Show With David Letterman (11:35 p.m., CBS3) - Dr. Jill Biden; Ted Danson. The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (11:35 p.m., NBC10) - Simon Cowell; Natasha Leggero; Selena Gomez performs. Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:30 a.m., 6ABC) - Phil McGraw; Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Jon "Bones" Jones; Switchfoot performs.

THE TITLE isn't an exaggeration. It was something of a "Big Miracle," the way the plight of a family of gray whales, stranded under the Alaska ice, captivated the country and forced oil men and environmentalists, natives and Cold War foes to team up back in the waning days of the Reagan administration. And it's no small miracle that the story of that nearly forgotten moment makes for a delightful family movie. Political cynicism, media opportunism, dogmatic native "tradition," corporate greed and environmentalist stubbornness are each, in turn, dashed against this sunny Ken ("License to Wed")

"Three Men and a Little Lady" sounds an awful lot like something from the "back room" at West Coast Video. In reality, though, "Three Men and a Little Lady" is as mainstream as movies get - a slapdash sequel to a movie whose main accomplishment was to make money. "Three Men and a Baby," the original, was basically an extended skit about three hunky guys - Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg - changing diapers. A woman named Sylvia (Nancy Travis) left the baby - the product of her one- night stand with Danson's character - on the doorstep of the apartment the men shared.

LOOK FOR ELLERBEE, LITE Could Linda Ellerbee be making a "comeback"? Rumor is that NBC has approached her to sit in for Maria Shriver on "Sunday Today" when Shriver goes on maternity leave early next year. It sounds possible, since it would mean working with Garrick Utley, whom Ellerbee admires. And it would give her a chance to show off her new look: 20 pounds and her big trademark glasses are missing! When friend teased her about the "new Linda look," she laughs and says: "Yes, I am working backward - to be a Twinkie, at last!"

The movie equivalent of giving Pop a pipe bomb for Father's Day, Getting Even With Dad is decidedly odd. Here we have the heartwarming story of an 11-year-old boy reunited with his ex-con father after years of estrangement. Pop's planning a heist, Sonny's planning trips to the San Francisco Aquarium and Candlestick Park. So Sonny (Macaulay Culkin as Timmy) videotapes his bumbling father (Ted Danson as Ray) stashing a stolen cache of rare coins and blackmails Dad into spending some quality time with him. Getting Even With Dad fairly brims with such expressions of filial and parental love.

THE BOTTOM LINE There's a direct correlation between your age and your feelings about lingerie. A Valentine's Day survey by the Roper Organization found that 23 percent of those aged 18 to 30 say sexy undies are romantic, compared with 19 percent of those 30 to 44, 13 percent of those 45 to 59 and just 7 percent of those 60 and older, American Demographics magazine reports. HEARTENING NEWS The Food and Drug Administration has approved the first laser device to open blocked heart arteries of people in danger of heart attacks.

Mad Money , the distaff Ocean's Eleven , stars human seesaw Diane Keaton, earthly balance beam Queen Latifah, and the otherworldly whirligig Katie Holmes as a trio of Federal Reserve Bank employees who stage an inside job. None dare call it "stealing. " As the cash they pinch is scheduled for shredding, they prefer to call it "recycling. " A likable and completely dispensable heist film starring two of the deftest comedians working (Keaton and Latifah), the film from Callie Khouri is itself an American retread of the British caper telefilm Hot Money . Khouri, still best known for her Oscar-winning screenplay Thelma & Louise , opens her movie with arresting images.

The nationwide search to find a female to star opposite Ted Danson came to Philadelphia yesterday. More than 100 would-be movie stars showed up, and most of them were plainly adorable. The hallway of a Center City office tower was wall-to-wall with blue-eyed blondes and hazel-eyed brunettes, and they were a temperamental lot. After a few hours, some banged on the casting director's door, squealed and cried. To relieve the pressure of performance, they curled up on the floor and colored pictures of Goofy and Mickey Mouse.

THE TITLE isn't an exaggeration. It was something of a "Big Miracle," the way the plight of a family of gray whales, stranded under the Alaska ice, captivated the country and forced oil men and environmentalists, natives and Cold War foes to team up back in the waning days of the Reagan administration. And it's no small miracle that the story of that nearly forgotten moment makes for a delightful family movie. Political cynicism, media opportunism, dogmatic native "tradition," corporate greed and environmentalist stubbornness are each, in turn, dashed against this sunny Ken ("License to Wed")

Conan (11 p.m., TBS) - Ryan Gosling; Nicole Scherzinger. Late Show With David Letterman (11:35 p.m., CBS3) - Dr. Jill Biden; Ted Danson. The Tonight Show With Jay Leno (11:35 p.m., NBC10) - Simon Cowell; Natasha Leggero; Selena Gomez performs. Jimmy Kimmel Live (12:30 a.m., 6ABC) - Phil McGraw; Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Jon "Bones" Jones; Switchfoot performs.

NOW THAT the debt ceiling has been raised, and Republicans and Democrats are devising new ways to be disagreeable, Fox News has got its fair and balanced panties in a bunch over a new threat to the Republic: SpongeBob SquarePants. According to Media Matters for America, which monitors this nonsense so we don't have to, Fox News has repeatedly lambasted SpongeBob's book and video about man-made global warming because he did not inform his young fans that such global warning "is actually a disputed fact.

THERE WAS a big wedding over the weekend . . . and Tattle would like to congratulate Alicia Keys who wed Swizz Beatz (aka Kaseem Dean) Saturday. The pair is expecting their first child. Mr. Beatz has two sons from a prior marriage. Deepak Chopra conducted the ceremony. Also getting married over the weekend, according to Us Weekly , was Rapper T.I. (aka Clifford Harris) and longtime girlfriend, singer and BET reality star Tameka "Tiny" Cottle . The busy couple wed in Miami and partied there, in Atlanta and L.A. And in one of the most talked about weddings since Archie married Veronica, a beaming Chelsea Clinton wed Marc Mezvinsky in Rhinebeck, N.Y. Chelsea wore Vera Wang , thankfully not the duds she made for the Eagles cheerleaders.

A smart aleck-y kidnapping caper that whooshes around to a thumping electronic beat, Nobel Son offers quotes from Ogden Nash and Pat Benatar, deploys a highfalutin synonym for cannibalism (anthropophagy), offers a movie-long commercial for the Mini Cooper, and features a hot candlelit sex scene on an apartment roof. It's not boring, even if it's too gimmicky for its own good. Directed by Bottle Shock's Randall Miller, Nobel Son stars Alan Rickman, camping it up as the monstrous Eli Michaelson, an ill-mannered, arrogant college professor who has just been awarded the Nobel Prize in chemistry.

Mad Money , the distaff Ocean's Eleven , stars human seesaw Diane Keaton, earthly balance beam Queen Latifah, and the otherworldly whirligig Katie Holmes as a trio of Federal Reserve Bank employees who stage an inside job. None dare call it "stealing. " As the cash they pinch is scheduled for shredding, they prefer to call it "recycling. " A likable and completely dispensable heist film starring two of the deftest comedians working (Keaton and Latifah), the film from Callie Khouri is itself an American retread of the British caper telefilm Hot Money . Khouri, still best known for her Oscar-winning screenplay Thelma & Louise , opens her movie with arresting images.

Glenn Close? Never a big fan of her work. She always struck me as hammy and self-satisfied. And Ted Danson? It's been all downhill for him since he played Sam Malone on Cheers. So, it's somewhat surprising to see them both turning in such mesmerizing performances on Damages, she as cutthroat lawyer Patty Hewes, he as unscrupulous billionaire Arthur Frobisher. (Isn't Frobisher the name Mad Magazine always used to mock the stuffed shirt or the muddled consumer?) But Danson and Close are the only reasons to watch the FX legal thriller.

Mary Steenburgen was positively glowing, and it had nothing to do with her supporting role in the controversial, electricity-gone-awry flick, "Powder. " "I'm deeply in love with a really good person who loves me back immensely," Steenburgen said at the end of a long day of interviews that should have left her spent. "That is an amazing gift. " That "really good person" is new hubby Ted Danson, whom Steenburgen wed Oct. 7 at his restored Martha's Vineyard farmhouse overlooking the Atlantic.

Queen Elizabeth II suffered a bruised shoulder two weeks ago when a shot grouse fell on her, Buckingham Palace disclosed Thursday. A spokesman said the queen, vacationing at Balmoral, her Scottish estate, was walking with a shooting party when the bird "spiraled from the sky on a misty morning and brushed off the queen's shoulder. A famous grouse, perhaps it may become, but not one that will alter the course of history. " London's Sun newspaper reported that Elizabeth shrieked when hit but later laughed about it. A HERO'S WELCOME Irish poet Seamus Heaney received a hero's welcome in Dublin yesterday after winning the Nobel Prize for Literature.

"The problem is hatred and bigotry, not homosexuality. No one's rights are safe until everyone has equal rights. " - Liza Minnelli CHANCE TO GET SENSUAL WITH MM Marilyn Monroe devotees may get a chance to flick their tongues along the back of the blond bombshell's neck, lick her finger tips or brush their lips behind her bejeweled ears. No, she hasn't been sighted with Elvis. But stamps, commemorating the woman who was reputed to have had an affair with President John Kennedy, are hot off the presses of St. Vincent, British West Indies.