Toilet Paper

The Bensalem truck driver accused of stealing a tractor-trailer loaded with 18,000 rolls of toilet paper and leading police on a chase along the Schuylkill Expressway pleaded guilty yesterday in Bucks County Court and was sentenced to two to four years in state prison. Ernest Myers Jr., 44, admitted to two toilet-tissue heists and apologized for endangering motorists' lives when he leaped from the moving rig on Jan. 18, causing a crash and a seven-hour traffic jam on the expressway.

NASHVILLE HE LIED ABOUT SON'S DEATH A white man who claimed his 2-year-old son was fatally shot in a traffic dispute with a group of black teen-agers admitted to police that he lied, and that his child was killed as he was buying drugs. Donald Cherry admitted that he brought his two toddlers along on a trip to buy drugs and had stopped on a dead-end street to negotiate the deal when the attack happened last Friday. His son, D.J., was shot in the head in the back seat and died on Saturday.

A Bucks County district justice yesterday ordered a veteran truck driver to stand trial on charges that he stole a tractor-trailer full of toilet paper and later crashed it on the Schuylkill Expressway, causing a massive traffic jam. Recovering from injuries sustained when he leaped from the truck before last month's crash, Ernie Myers, 44, glumly listened from a wheelchair as trucking company employees and police testified during his preliminary hearing....

WITH APOLOGIES to Sons of Ben, most Americans don't give a hoot about soccer. We don't look at it as a major sport and wonder aloud how anyone can watch a game where 1-0 leads are insurmountable. But in Goiania, Brazil . . . you heard me, in Goiania, Brazil . . . the fans booed the national team after what they felt was a listless 0-0 final in a friendly (that's a game against another country that doesn't count for anything; we call them exhibition games here in America) against the Netherlands.

Two tiny beams of red light were dancing across the small space between the laser machine and the water in the tube, looking like projection beams at a miniature movie theater. At first glance, the sight raises this question: "What in the name of sweet science does this have to do with toilet paper?" The answer is that it is an experiment to find out the best method to "dry" toilet paper during the manufacturing process. The experiment was the project of David Wescavage, Gary Herrin and Glenn Perry, students at Widener University who are trying to find a way to make that drying process more efficient.

There's nothing like a big fair to raise money and provide entertainment. Clowns, dancers, gymnasts and even bus drivers will strut their stuff at the Medford Home and School Association's 11th annual fair May 7, to be held from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Memorial School on Mill Street in Medford. The fair will feature performances by dancers and karate experts and a puppet show by the Kingan family of Medford. Eileen and Steve Kingan and their daughter, Renee, write their own scripts and will spend eight hours setting up the show the night before the fair.

To ease the pain of skyrocketing property-tax bills, Pennsylvania lawmakers could soon start hitting below the belt. Tampons, toilet paper, diapers, baby wipes - all would be subject to a new state sales tax under one plan that will be considered during the legislature's special session on property-tax reform, which resumes today. Gov. Rendell called the special session last month to push legislators into helping him fix his signature property-tax-relief plan, which was roundly rejected by school districts across the state.

Henry C.S. Lee is a man with a mission: to persuade factory owners in this Malaysian state to stock their employee washrooms with toilet paper, soap and paper towels. His primary motive is sales, not altruism. Lee is Scott Paper Co.'s representative in southern Malaysia, the point man here in the Philadelphia company's quest to conquer East Asia's public restrooms. In most of Asia, toilet paper is furnished only in the poshest restrooms, such as those in hotels and executive suites.

Others might have looked for expensive stereo equipment. Boxes of cell phones would have been an attractive target for some. But police say that when Ernie Myers jumped into someone else's tractor-trailer as it was warming up in Bucks County early yesterday, he knew that it was loaded with toilet paper. "He could have stolen anything," said a disbelieving Phil Devlin, a Philadelphia highway-patrol officer. He wanted toilet paper. In fact, when police arrested Myers after he leaped from the speeding truck during a chase along the Schuylkill Expressway, they said it was the second time he had stolen a truck full of toilet paper.

When adults spin yarns of their childhood misadventures, they generally use words such as ornery or rascal to describe themselves. They don't want to admit that, on rare occasions, they were just plain bad. Or mischievous, at the very least. If little ears are close enough to hear, the grown-ups will inevitably utter that hackneyed disclaimer: It was a different world back then. Maybe the world was different. Getting into a little bit of harmless mischief every now and then used to be a sign of a healthy curiosity about life in a kid. Today, even Mischief Night isn't what it used to be. When I was a kid, Mischief Night was in vogue.

WHEN SHE was 7, Lindsay Browning was nervous and excited waiting for her father to come to her school. When he arrived, he was dressed as Abraham Lincoln to teach her class about the former president's life. Today, the Philly-based dancer has transformed that childhood experience into a contemporary dance titled "Lincoln Luck. " Browning was inspired by imagining herself as Lincoln's "daughter of the future," basing her image both on Lincoln's personal history and on her father's portrayal of him. The performance explores themes such as luck and fate, and how they relate to Lincoln's life.

Question: My husband and I had one child, who by all accounts has had a great life. He is married now with a child, and he and his wife - whom my husband and I both love - plan to have additional children. My son has apparently expressed to his wife that he did not enjoy being an only child. He has never said anything to us, I'm sure out of love and respect, plus it is water under the bridge. His wife, however, often brings up the subject of how "hard" it would be to be an only child.

John Chervokas, 74, an advertising man and wordsmith who was credited with introducing a toilet paper slogan into popular culture with his "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" campaign, died Saturday of a stroke at a Manhattan hospital. He had battled Parkinson's disease for five years. Mr. Chervokas was a junior copywriter at Benton & Bowles in 1964, when, he said, the image of housewives squeezing fruit in a supermarket inspired the toilet tissue campaign. "What does mom do in the supermarket?

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - John Chervokas, an advertising man and wordsmith who was credited with introducing a toilet paper slogan into popular culture with his "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" campaign, has died at age 74. Chervokas, who lived in Briarcliff Manor, died Saturday of a stroke at a Manhattan hospital, said his son, journalist Jason Chervokas. He had battled Parkinson's disease for five years. Chervokas was a junior copywriter at Benton & Bowles in 1964 when, he said, the image of housewives squeezing fruit in a supermarket inspired the toilet-tissue campaign.

TIMBER!!!!!!!! That's the sound they will be hearing Friday at Pat Croce's Greate Bay Country Club in Somers Point, N.J., just outside Ocean City. It seems that Flyers legend Bob Clarke will be cutting down a tree that has been bugging him for way too long. But he's earned the right. And it's for a worthy cause. The piece of wood in question towers over one side of the fifth fairway. Over the years, it has disrupted many of his tee shots. So last season the club left its fate up to the members, in the form of a fund-raising drive to benefit First Tee of Greater Atlantic City.

WITH APOLOGIES to Sons of Ben, most Americans don't give a hoot about soccer. We don't look at it as a major sport and wonder aloud how anyone can watch a game where 1-0 leads are insurmountable. But in Goiania, Brazil . . . you heard me, in Goiania, Brazil . . . the fans booed the national team after what they felt was a listless 0-0 final in a friendly (that's a game against another country that doesn't count for anything; we call them exhibition games here in America) against the Netherlands.

I'D LIKE TO thank Brian King for his enlightening letter. I, like many others, have supported natural gas based on such frivolous platforms as economic development, increased tax base, commerce, employment and a cheap, abundant source of fuel for electrical production that could decrease our carbon emissions and dependence on foreign oil, given that our electrical infrastructure can't yet be sustained by renewable sources. But I was basing these beliefs on articles in science and business sections of newspapers and magazines.

Blogging teacher deserved dismissal The story about Elizabeth Collins and her dismissal from her teaching position is a perfect example of why so many people are upset with the teaching profession ("Teacher learns a hard lesson about blogging," Wednesday). This teacher was using her English class to push her own belief system. Children at that age often accept their teachers' views as gospel. Good teachers resist the temptation to use this status to indoctrinate. Rather, they should give students the opportunity to explore all viewpoints.

AS A Philadelphia public-school parent, I sometimes forget that most suburban schools are much richer than the city's. After all, my kid is having a good run in Philly's schools. She's had great teachers - or, at least, enough great ones to make up for some snoozers (but who, in truth, were no worse than the clunkers I had when I was a kid. I survived; so will she. Bad teachers build character!). And my husband and I have been able to connect with enough wonderful school parents that we feel like we live among trusted villagers who have our backs.

I RECENTLY attended a Sixers game at the Wachovia Center. I hadn't been to a game in a while and figured I'd buy a $10 ticket. When I reached the ticket window, I asked for a $10 ticket and the man behind the glass said, "Fourteen dollars. " Perplexed, I said, "I want a $10 ticket. " He responded, "It is, but there's a $4 window fee. " A "window fee"? I understand how they can add fees when tickets are ordered online, but why is there a fee to buy a ticket at the box office?