Zen

If that shouty chef from "Hell's Kitchen" were an ordained Buddhist priest, he might be something like Edward Espe Brown. The subject of Doris Dorrie's documentary, "How to Cook Your Life," and author of the popular Tassajara cookbook series, Brown is a gentle, sensitive soul who knows his ingredients and has definite ideas about how things should be done in the kitchen. And he can get pretty impatient, especially for a Zen master, when people don't do things his way. That's where the similarities to Gordon Ramsay end. Brown teaches spiritual well-being along with food preparation, and he's a warm, funny and often quite insightful guru most of the time.

A PIONEERING 3-D erotic comedy has Hong Kong moviegoers coming in droves. "3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy" beat the first-day record set by "Avatar" and even attracted viewers from mainland China. The mainland is much stricter about sexual content in films, so fans of the genre have been traveling for their popcorn surprise. The $3.5 million Cantonese-language-of-lust production had earned $2.2 million as of Tuesday since opening last week on only 73 screens, according to producer Stephen Shiu . That's nearly seven times the total Hong Kong take so far for "Scream 4. " Maybe "Sex and Zen" could kick off a "Moan" series.

Hey! Hold on. Wait a minute, now. Just wait a Sam-Wyche-minute. The Bengals aren't having a bad season. OK, they've won only one game and lost nine. But that doesn't mean they're having what you'd call a bad season. Sam Wyche is working on this new idea, see. It sounds kinda crazy. Well, it is kinda crazy. But if it caught on, what a nice world this NFL would be. No one would ever get fired, no one would ever get cut, and quarterbacks would never get their legs broken, and linemen would never play with injections of cortisone to numb pain that could stay with them for the rest of their lives, and nobody would get very mad at anybody else.

A dense fog still carpeted the sculpture garden when Kanjuro Shibata, 20th- generation kyudo master and bow-maker to the imperial family of Japan, made his appearance. But then, visibility is not critical to a Zen archer. All eyes turned to the impressive figure whose traditional samurai outfit was topped with a severe black hat picked out a few days before in an Amish Country general store. He set down the broad-brimmed hat and his walking stick and approached his two dozen students - drawn from as far as Washington and New York, and from the ranks of anesthesiologists, computer programmers, English teachers and carpenters.

I'm an accident. I was driving way too fast. Couldn't stop though So I let the moment last - "I'm The Ocean" Neil Young, 1995 In his tumultuous 30-odd years as a musician, Neil Young has been the rock- and-roll heretic, the peace-and-love-spouting hippie, the mad-scientist techno-visionary, the Western mystic, the godfather of grunge. But it took recording with Pearl Jam to guide him to his present plane: Zen philosopher. Young? The cranky malcontent of the California North Country?

He's bald, blue and environmentally sensitive. And he's about to be marketed nationally, with action figures, toys and a cartoon show soon to be named after him. But taking time out from a busy schedule, Zen, the Intergalactic Ninja, is also helping the Waste System Authority of Northern Montgomery County promote recycling to North Penn school students. Zen, the next commercial venture from the folks who brought you Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, began a county- and statewide environmental campaign Monday before an auditorium filled with antsy third graders at Gwyn-Nor Elementary School in North Wales.

Excellence in calligraphy, it is believed, reflects the spiritual excellence of the practitioner. That would seem to be so in the case of Fukushima Keido, a Zen master and one of Japan's leading calligraphers. He demonstrated his work yesterday at the University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology. His subjects include poems and phrases from Zen treatises, and his own poems.

With Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore and André Benjamin. Distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films. 1 hour, 55 mins. R (violence, profanity, nudity, inanity, adult themes). Playing at Ritz at the Bourse. Guy Ritchie's Revolver premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival two years ago September. That's 26 months on a shelf somewhere, depriving moviegoers the thrill of jaw-droppingly awful Ray Liotta line readings, of bloody shoot-outs, bags of money, cutaways to frosty babes sucking on lollipops, and even a bit of violent anime.

LYING FOR LOVE If the truth be told, guys, you're more likely than a woman to lie in the early stages of a relationship. "The seducer always tells more lies than the seducee, and in our society, men are typically the seducers," says Judith Sills, a Philadelphia psychotherapist and the author of A Fine Romance. It's not that men are innately deceitful, Sills tells Glamour magazine: "Men are encouraged to promote themselves more than women are, so what a woman regards as an out-and-out lie is, to a man, merely marketing.

Like a Zen koan or paradox, the playing of guitarist Pat Martino raises mysterious contradictions. His tone exudes a cool heat. His playing alternates between Zen-like quietude and R&B fire. His salmon-colored Rivera guitar can erupt with a funky flame or revel in the silent chasm between notes. His rituals were on display in an 80-minute opening set Saturday night at the mirrored Blue Moon Jazz Cafe in the Bourse Building. It seemed as if persistent talkers might drown out Martino's artistry and that of his able cohorts: pianist James Ridl, electric bassist Steve Beskrone, drummer Scott Robinson.

There was a giant picnic at the Radnor Hunt Club on Saturday, where about 20,000 horse lovers gathered on a picturesque day to eat, drink, and be merry. Of course, the 81st annual Radnor Hunt Races had something to do with the gathering of men, women, and children of all ages. In the featured event - the National Hunt Cup - 7-2 favorite Tripleken led for the first two laps of the three-lap event. But he was nowhere to be seen when Complete Zen won a photo finish over All Together in 4 minutes, 54.80 seconds.

A PIONEERING 3-D erotic comedy has Hong Kong moviegoers coming in droves. "3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy" beat the first-day record set by "Avatar" and even attracted viewers from mainland China. The mainland is much stricter about sexual content in films, so fans of the genre have been traveling for their popcorn surprise. The $3.5 million Cantonese-language-of-lust production had earned $2.2 million as of Tuesday since opening last week on only 73 screens, according to producer Stephen Shiu . That's nearly seven times the total Hong Kong take so far for "Scream 4. " Maybe "Sex and Zen" could kick off a "Moan" series.

There wasn't a single conga or bongo drum onstage during Miguel Zen?n's show Saturday at the Painted Bride Art Center in Old City. Yet the saxophonist's seven-piece band carried on the Afro-Cuban tradition with a blend of straight-ahead jazz and the Puerto Rican folk music genre plena. Though the recipe fell short of hot, it still had lots of flavor. Zen?n, a native of San Juan, performed with the quartet he has led for the better part of a decade and with three featured percussionists who played the tambourinelike instrument panderos and sang.

When someone as fabulously famous as Jennifer Aniston dives into indiedom - she's starred in The Good Girl and Friends With Money - it's easy to suspect her motives. If one's going to be cynical about these things, such choices offer a way to garner some serious acting cred and counterweigh the Marley and Me's. But Aniston - with a presence that's quiet, watchful, amused, and sometimes bemused - has been a surprise in these modest efforts. Whether or not it's a calculated career move or just an actress on the lookout for good roles, she has brought intelligence and down-to-earth charm to her portraits of women with low incomes and low self-esteem.

Benjamin Franklin Parkway is about to get a makeover that designers hope will make the tree-lined boulevard more pedestrian-friendly. Gov. Rendell, Mayor Nutter and philanthropic representatives yesterday revealed plans for $17.1 million in cosmetic and traffic improvements that will cover a three-quarter-mile stretch between JFK Plaza and Eakins Oval. Plans call for realigning lanes and curbs to slow traffic in the outer lanes in the 2100 and 2200 blocks. Those blocks will also get new bicycle lanes and wider sidewalks.

It could be a Zen koan, what just came out of Julian Schnabel's mouth: "Nobody knows better than you what you need to do, even if you don't know what you're doing. " Well, Zen with the hubris filter turned off. Thumping around the country, presenting his brilliant, beautiful The Diving Bell and the Butterfly to film societies and fans - and doing rounds of Q&As and press interviews - Schnabel pulled into Philadelphia last week. After the end credits rolled at the Ritz at the Bourse the other night, the moderator for the event introduced the world-famous artist-turned-director as "Julian Snabbel," sans the shhh . A tad irritably, Schnabel corrected him. A while later he threatened to quit the room if a couple gabbing up front didn't shut up. Uh-oh.

If that shouty chef from "Hell's Kitchen" were an ordained Buddhist priest, he might be something like Edward Espe Brown. The subject of Doris Dorrie's documentary, "How to Cook Your Life," and author of the popular Tassajara cookbook series, Brown is a gentle, sensitive soul who knows his ingredients and has definite ideas about how things should be done in the kitchen. And he can get pretty impatient, especially for a Zen master, when people don't do things his way. That's where the similarities to Gordon Ramsay end. Brown teaches spiritual well-being along with food preparation, and he's a warm, funny and often quite insightful guru most of the time.

With Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore and André Benjamin. Distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films. 1 hour, 55 mins. R (violence, profanity, nudity, inanity, adult themes). Playing at Ritz at the Bourse. Guy Ritchie's Revolver premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival two years ago September. That's 26 months on a shelf somewhere, depriving moviegoers the thrill of jaw-droppingly awful Ray Liotta line readings, of bloody shoot-outs, bags of money, cutaways to frosty babes sucking on lollipops, and even a bit of violent anime.

The Zen One Dance Collective will ride the heat wave when it performs with the Caribbean Youth Panoramics Steel Pan Orchestra at the Mann Center next week. As the third event in the Young People's Concert Series, the Caribbean Rhythms show hopes to connect the cultures of South America and the Caribbean to the local community. The three-year-old, Philadelphia-based Zen One will perform capoeira, a Brazilian dance tradition that appears theatrical but began as a way for slaves to master fighting techniques.

Here comes headache, here comes neck pain, right down Santa Claus Lane! Go ahead, sing along, because there's no getting around the fact that anxiety gets to us this time of year. According to the American Psychological Association, one in five of us reports that tension associated with the holiday season affects us physically. That cramp in your neck? A little gift to you, compliments of nervous driving on icy roads and shopping in overcrowded malls. That rum-pum-pum-pum of pain behind your eyes?